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Anyone elses relationship like this?

(15 Posts)
lilacclaire Thu 29-Oct-09 14:40:43

DP and me been together for 4 years/living together for 3.

We never ever go out together, not a night out, not to do the shopping, nothing.

When we are in the house, he usually sits in the kitchen watching tv and I sit in the living room.

Don't really chat unless its something about work.

He is very lazy, won't do anything unless he see's im at the end of my patience with him or have gone on constantly about it.

At the weekend, we never do anything as a family, he very occasionally if it suits him takes my ds out (as if he's making a token effort, oh look at me).

He goes out on his own probably once a month but the last time I got a babysitter so we could both go out, he said he would prefer to stay in.

Our sex life is shit.

Nothing happens unless I suggest it and need to blackmail him into doing activities.

Its the general laziness and unwillingness to do anything with me that really gets to me. I know he would happily coast along like this, but im only 33 fgs and I want more out of my family and personal life!

Is this normal, I've really just given up trying now and am thinking of just ending it when our joint debts are paid off (about 6months time) I know this sounds cold, but there is no way I could manage financially on my own without the debt being paid off.

And yes I have had the 'talk' with him on many occasions telling him how I feel, what we can both do to make an effort, but absolutely nothing changes.

Anyone else like this, or is it just me?

lilacclaire Thu 29-Oct-09 14:42:02

Sigh, its like the film, 'he's just not that into you'

RealityBites Thu 29-Oct-09 14:46:05

Message withdrawn

lilacclaire Thu 29-Oct-09 14:48:56

Thats what I thought.
Off to do the school run, will check back later.

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding Thu 29-Oct-09 14:49:57

That all sounds like a pointless relationship tbh.

Are there any positives?
Why are you with him?

ZZZenAgain Thu 29-Oct-09 14:50:08

I think you're both a bit worn out and you've got into a rut. Why don't you arrange going out with some other people to get yourselves back into sociability mode

Or if babysitters are a problem , how about inviting some people round to your place now and again - sort of kickstart it

If that works, you could try doing some regular activity with some of those people - I don't know sport, or whatever you can imagine you and dh wanting to do

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 29-Oct-09 15:16:52

I would also ask why you are with him anyway if he is neither of use nor ornament.

How much of this joint debt is actually "his" rather than "yours"?.

On a wider level what are you both teaching your son about relationships here?. This is not healthy for your son to be witnessing either.

missingthepumpkin Thu 29-Oct-09 15:21:54

why and how did you get together, and what has changed since then? was the relationship ever any good?

lilacclaire Thu 29-Oct-09 17:10:20

The relationship used to be great.
He has just got lazier and lazier and it affects everything.
The last time I invited people round were my friends from college and he didn't want to be there so he went out, mixed age group, nice people.
I quite like it if any of his friends pop round as I get more conversation from them than him.
The debt is joint, it was all stuff for the house, it is all in my name though.
Im going out this weekend (a rarity) to my future sister in laws hen night, so looking forward to that.
I will need to arrange nights out with my friends, I just would prefer to have a night out with him, but thats not happening!!

Positives, well.. we can have a good laugh together, he is very supportive in anything I want to do whether its work/college or do nothing. He hands over every penny to me as I do the bills/shopping etc, wouldn't care if I spend it all on myself and chocolate and didn't pay a bill (not that I would). Is very good with ds emotionally (don't ask him to run the bath though).
We do get on well when Im not feeling resentful (which is not a lot at the moment) and I know he loves me, but he is just sooooo fucking lazy in every area of life!!

Singstar Thu 29-Oct-09 17:16:20

could he be depressed ?

lilacclaire Thu 29-Oct-09 17:21:00

No, believe me, he is a lazy bastard NOT depressed.

TippyTumbles Thu 29-Oct-09 17:28:22

It sounds like he needs a major rocket up his arse and conveniently the shops are currently full of them grin

lilacclaire Thu 29-Oct-09 17:53:14

A full bloody box of them!

anonymous85 Fri 30-Oct-09 14:38:57

Maybe all start going for walks in the afternoons. Do you have a dog?

anonymous85 Fri 30-Oct-09 14:39:48

It's a start.... Let him choose a dog if you can have one that is, make him a big part of it.

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