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(9 Posts)
bedammed Wed 28-Oct-09 20:17:08

So the first time he hit me it was just 'a tap.' He had trodden on my toes and shut a couple of fingers accidentally in doors before. He had got me so drunk I woke up bruised but he told me I had fallen over. I probably had but I don't know. I spent most of my life in a reclining position with him. Emotionally and physically looking back. I say back as he has been gone a year but I'm still trying to work out what actually happened. Women's Aid were great to start with but they are shit now. If I hear the words move on once more I am going to go to the doctor and ask him to examine me and then insist he gives me the Move On Prescription. It must exist.

GhoulishFan Wed 28-Oct-09 20:47:11

know how you feel, bedammed... it's very hard to forget the shit you lived with, were told, were at the mercy of.... very hard.

May I suggest some counselling, with an abuse "specialist" .... it might help you process everything that happened and work through the time before, then and now.

mrsboogie Wed 28-Oct-09 21:39:09

If you keep looking back you are still letting him hurt you. A very bad thing happened. Stop trying to work out why. He was a cancer in your life and now you are cured.Enjoy your healthy new life. The people who say move on are right.

gonnabehappy Wed 28-Oct-09 23:21:10

'Move on'...I am almost laughing (bit hollow tho). bedammed trying to work it out is good. You are moving on but at your own pace. That is good. Take care of yourself and just believe in what you are and what you are doing. xxxx

Lemonylemon Thu 29-Oct-09 10:35:44

How absolutely dreadful. You're still in the grieving/shock stage. How can you move on? You can move forward, though. By putting what has happened in its place - ie. the past, you can claim "you" back, claim your life back and also claim some "peace" back.

My Mum said that all you get from looking back is a stiff neck. Which is true, but I didn't find it helpful just after just after my OH died shock but hey ho!

I think you may be another year at working it out before you can, ahem, "move on".

gettingagrip Thu 29-Oct-09 11:30:00

What Lemonylemon said xxxxxxx

How are you Lemony?

fabnewlife Thu 29-Oct-09 11:31:11

The book by Lundy Bancroft, Why does he do that?, is very insightful and may help you come to terms with what and why it has happened.

Lemonylemon Thu 29-Oct-09 11:54:07

I'm fine, thanks Getting on with things. Onwards and upwards! Sorry to hijack your thread bedammed.

iliketurquoise Thu 29-Oct-09 12:05:43

once i was told it takes about 2 years to get over it and then move on.
this was true in my case.

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