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Is this the right time for me?

(11 Posts)
lilyjen Tue 27-Oct-09 17:08:47

Sorry this is long...

I have just started seeing a very nice man, who I met at a party 6 weeks ago. He's the same age, has a good job and he's very sweet and caring..totally unlike my usual disasters I might add!

I like him a lot and we have met up about 8 times since for drinks and chat.

It seems to have got to the point (in his mind) where we are thinking of sleeping together..

I live with my parents at the moment, I had a disasterous previous relationship that lasted 18 months and ended 8 months ago. My Ex was using me and used to call over on weekends for sex-I later found out he was married with 2 kids.

I'm a single mum of a 6 yr old DD and we are in the process of a big healing process as she has experienced hurt over her father who has been in and out of her life until recentely and now doesn't want to know (if he ever realy did) and we have moved area in the last year to live at my parents house and re build our relationship as I had a lot of problems in our old place and neglected her somewhat in the process.

I have just started a 2 year college course and i'm spending more time with my DD and getting my life in order.

I wasn't looking for a relationship but have enjoyed meeting up with this man. Now the subject of sex has come up (he invited me to his place last saturday but I said it wasn't the right time) and now he's invited me over for dinner..hmm

I do want to see him but I want to wait before moving the relationship onto a sexual one and all the emotional stuff that goes with it..am I being unrealistic in this day and age or should I end the relationship altogether?

I don't know how long it would take before I felt ready to sleep with him but i'm thinking I would like to fall hopelessly in love before that happened...also is it too soon to have this relationship anyway? Like I said..it just kinda happened.

(Oh and I wouldn't be introducing him to my DD for a while and definately only as a friend)

What do you think?

electra Tue 27-Oct-09 17:12:19

Crikey how have you managed to hold out for 6 weeks?? grinwink

Sorry, to be serious I don't think you should do anything unless you feel comfortable to do so.

electra Tue 27-Oct-09 17:13:21

As an aside I don't think you can fall for someone until you've had sex with them but that's just my pov fwiw...

lilyjen Tue 27-Oct-09 17:47:37

I don't normally wait at all but then I've never had a successful relationship either..

electra Tue 27-Oct-09 18:22:28

Yes I know what you mean. Well if you aren't ready don't that's what I say. The guy should understand I think.

DwayneDibbley Tue 27-Oct-09 18:42:41

Message withdrawn

Fabster Tue 27-Oct-09 18:44:49

I disagree with electra. I knew I loved DH after only 2 months and we hadn't slept together then.

Don't do anything you are not happy with and just say no to him if he pressures you. If he is a decent guy and isn't looking for just a shag, he should understand and wait.

lilyjen Tue 27-Oct-09 18:57:24

DwayneDibbley my relationship with DD wouldn't change as such but I am trying to spend more time with her and I have a tendancy to get really wrapped up in relationships and that could become a problem I suppose but I think more if it was a sexual relationship as it would be more intense?

I do see what you mean and there's no way I would wait 6 years ffs! That's a bit too long IMO but definately a while anyway..

Thanks Fabster I didn't get Electra's point of view either, but all advice interesting and thought provoking anyway.

electra Tue 27-Oct-09 19:30:53

Sorry, lilyjen - I was speaking for myself! I shouldn't assume it is like that for everyone.

Good luck - I hope this relationship works out well for you smile

lilyjen Tue 27-Oct-09 19:55:41

It's ok Electra it made me think! That's what I wanted..all advice welcome smile

CeeUnit Tue 27-Oct-09 20:02:51

I think you would be very sensible to wait. Apart from the reasons you gave I think it will reassure you that this bloke is the real deal and after more than just sex.

Your DC is very lucky to have such a sensible mum smile

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