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AIBU to be upset with almost XP??

(11 Posts)
bastardingmen Tue 27-Oct-09 07:46:54

Have posted this on AIBU, but think I might get a more understanding view here blush

Difficult one this and am prepared to be told IABU (regular BTW name changed for this)!
After a horrible marriage and split from an abusive XH, caught up with an old friend and got together in Jan!
He seemed lovely, kind, loving, generous, lovely to my DC In fact he is all of those things!
But it didnt feel right to me, maybe not ready after ex, maybe he wasnt the one I dont know!

So last week, I gently broke it off with him, he was gutted, and has been telling me how much he loves me, and my girls, will wait for me however long it takes me to get my head straight and decide what I want, that we are best friends, all in a very nice kind way, no pressure!
In fact he has been so lovely I was doubting my decision....
All this by email and MSN as he works away in a fairly inaccessible place!

So last night after we signed off, I snooped blush...ok ok I know I shouldnt have but well I guess I was curious, wanted to know if he had spoken to his friends...
I know his passowrds, he told me them, so I logged into his hotmail (yes yes I know).....

To discover.......4 hours after I sent him the initial email telling him I wasnt sure I was ready for a relationship, he reactivated his account on some slagwhore sex website!!!
And has been messaging loads of semi naked women who are clearly after one thing only!!

In fact while he was chatting to me, he was online browsing naked tarts....and when I signed off to go to bed amidst his protestations of love and waiting for me and missing me...he messaged about 10 women, saying they looked hot/would like to chat/would like a night out!!!

Am really not all that upset, guess it just confirms I made the right decision, but christ!!!! Is this how he waits for me, I was actually wavering, I genuinely thought he was a good one!!

Bah!! Ok so I know I was totally BU to snoop, but AIBU to be a bit disappointed that this is how much he loves me and is waiting for me.....I had indicated that maybe I had been too hasty and he was planning to come down in Dec to talk!!!

WartoScreamo Tue 27-Oct-09 07:57:50

YA def NBU. Sounds to me like you have had a lucky escape! You deserve much better than this.

junkcollector Tue 27-Oct-09 10:41:25

You dumped him, snooped in his emails and expected him to wait for you like a monk for 3 months on the off chance you would want to go out with him again...

Uhm all for sisterhood and hate porn but YABU really.

WobblyWench Tue 27-Oct-09 10:49:06

Confront him face to face when you see him, be brave and get the truth. You need to see his facial reactions to know if he is just being a man and getting a cheap thrill or if this is part of him as a person.

mummee09v Tue 27-Oct-09 11:01:33

OMG!! am speechless, what a cock. basically he was lining up slappers while professing his love for you.


it was naughty to snoop lol, but you wouldn't have done it if you didnt already suspect something, and in this case i think its good that you did coz you have found out what kind of person he is. you are well out of it.

Summertimefizz Tue 27-Oct-09 11:32:11

YANBU!!! Sorry no further advice, but please tell me how do trace which sites he's activated? Is it easy to do?

JugularPiggy Tue 27-Oct-09 11:41:45

ok i will probably get shot for saying this but if he gave you the passwords why is this snooping?

if he knew you had access and was therefore happy for you to view the content of his emails he clearly is one to avoid and perhaps you should stick with your initial gut instinct that something was not right!

fair enough you had split and he is entitled to do whatever he pleases but for him to be protesting his love for you while fixing up his next leg over is just wrong, shallow and not worth a second glance from you.

anonymous85 Tue 27-Oct-09 11:45:47

That was quick!! But then again you did dump his sorry arse lol

happyclapper Wed 28-Oct-09 15:30:49

AIBU to expect to get on more than 3 (very disappointing) rides at Legoland after spending nearly £100 to get in and queueing for 1-2hrs each time. On reflection we should have bought the queue jumper tickets but at £10 to £30 each we felt we had spent enough but at least then we may have had some fun then. Finally left in disgust at 3.30 with a very grumpy husband a very disappointed me and 2 bewildered children after wasting our only family day out this half term. As 2yr old didn't meet minimum height requirement for even toddler rides he couldn't go on anything and playareas no better than your average playground. Gullivers World far superior. 1/3 of price, hardly any queues and much better rides. Not as flash but much more fun. Feel a bit out on a limb as everyone we know loved it. We must be missing the point!

SqueezyCheesyCock Wed 28-Oct-09 15:44:17

Ahm, happyclapper......wrong thread maybe?

OP. Yes I think it is wrong that he is lining up women whilst still professing his love for you. However, if you hadn't dumped him, the chances are he wouldn't have done that.

I think you had no right to snoop into his private email and what he does or doesn't do as a single man has nothing to do with you whatsoever. You were snooping to see if he had spoken to friends, shock that is nothing to do with you and if I were him, I'd be furious. Imagine if he tried to snoop on private conversations between you and your friends?

He chanced his arm, however, he was single and leaving his options open. I see both sides and can see why you're disappointed.

Seems like you gave him a test and he failed.

Pretty unfair on him I'd say.

bastardingmen Wed 28-Oct-09 16:18:00

You may be right ....I'm not sure it was a test as such, I was pretty sure I didnt want to be in a relationship with him, he was insistent he didnt want it to be over!

I am rather ashamed for snooping in his email, am sure it is the scars from cheating XH who I never knew what he was up to, not that that is an excuse I know!

I really dont know how to play it now, I have told him I know about the chatting to tarts online, he hasnt even asked how I know, more desperate to reassure me they are just mates - which makes me even more disappointed TBH, he didnt know them before a week ago and is saying thinks like "god damn hon you are gorgeous", and "like what you're wearing (not) would like to see more"

I feel sad that I seem to be hurting him even more, I should have just backed off totally, but he was so insistent we could be friends, that he was ok with that, that he would wait for me to get my head straight, and he has been pretty good for me this year, very supportive in the face of XH abuse, supportive while I get divorced, generous and kind

I seem to have made even more of a mess

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