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can we talk about love....

(25 Posts)
willitknockmyteethout Mon 26-Oct-09 22:43:16

met a new chap just over a month ago, he's really nice, kind, thoughtful, dishy, makes me laugh, thinks I'm beautiful smileis good in bed and is in the same boat as me, ie, seperated with his 2 kids living with him..

He has just told me that he loves me... and would like to spend the rest of his life with me... now to me love is what is left over when the initial passion wears off, its the way someone looks, smell, act, etc... and I won't ever say 'I love you' unless I'm 100% that I really mean it...

I've told him, we'll see if he still feels the same is a few months.. I need to be sure that he's not on the rebound, just likes to have a girlfriend, or lonely or something... I also hate the thought that he's making me out to be something I'm not... and he reasures me that he's never e v e r felt this way before and its so out of character for him, and he just had to let me know how he felt....

please tell me if you believe in love at first sight, and how long it took you and your partner to fall in love with each other, oh.. and how did falling in love feel to you... I think I've only really been in love with my ex... he was a complete arse, and total opposite to this guy....

thanks...

jasper Mon 26-Oct-09 22:45:54

How do you feel about him?
How about how YOU will feel in a few months?

ninah Mon 26-Oct-09 22:46:21

you are right it is early days
enjoy it but take your time

jasper Mon 26-Oct-09 22:48:04

sorry, rereading that sounded a bit stark.
Yes it is perfectly possible to think, after just a few weeks that you love someone.
You are right in wanting to wait to see if his feelings stand the test of time.

I am just curious as to why you did not mention YOUR feelings

BEAUTlFUL Mon 26-Oct-09 22:50:06

I think it's very sweet what he said, and that you should feel happy but not give it another thought! IME, all blokes are lovely for the first 3 months, then the "real" them starts to emerge.

willitknockmyteethout Mon 26-Oct-09 22:51:46

I don't think my initial passion has worn off yet iykwim...
-I really look forward to seeing him,
-I smile when I see its him ringing me or texting me,
-look forward to seeing him
-spend most of my day thinking about him
-want to drop his name into most conversation
-go swoony when I do think of him....

He's told his mum about me and I will think that she'll be really disapointed when she meets me as I'm ... just me... I don't think I'm anything special...

cookielove Mon 26-Oct-09 22:51:57

my partner fell, in love with me before we even dated, he chased me for a year or so years, and then i started to see him in a different light, something changed, and i couldn't be without him. In total he's loved me a lot longer than i loved him, but i def believe in love at first sight, and love that comes softly, now we are both crazy in love with each other.

I wish you all the luck in your future relationship.

ps, i do believe in love at first sight.

SolidGhoulBrass Mon 26-Oct-09 23:17:03

Maybe he is a lovely man who's in love with you. However, he could be a nobber who is obsessed with control and doesn't actually 'love' you at all - unfortunately it's a common trait of a certain type of very undesirable partner to be all madly passionate from very early on.
How does he talk about his XPs? If they were all allegedly bitches who really hurt him and didn't understand him, then that's a danger signal.

willitknockmyteethout Mon 26-Oct-09 23:22:14

maybe sgb...
but, she left him for another man.. they are still friends....
I don't see myself as being needy or dependent on him...
he says he's never felt this way before... (yes, just words I know) always asks what I want to do... what I think... does that sound like controling... <<clueless>>

BiteOfFun Mon 26-Oct-09 23:26:48

I knew within a week, certainly, and we told each other after about three. It can happen, and it doesn't necessarily herald a nobber.

TDiddy Mon 26-Oct-09 23:27:58

nice stories from willitknockmyteethou.. and cookie.

Maybe you want to freeze the relationship in this phase for a while longer. Don't let him move in an start treating you like the missus smile.

sayithowitis Mon 26-Oct-09 23:55:32

willitknockmyteethou... Mon 26-Oct-09 22:51:46 Add message | Report | Contact poster

-I really look forward to seeing him,
-I smile when I see its him ringing me or texting me,
-look forward to seeing him
-spend most of my day thinking about him
-want to drop his name into most conversation
-go swoony when I do think of him....

See, all those things also apply to me re DH and we have been married nearly 30 years! So by your reckoning I am not at the 'in love' stage yet!

FWIW, we both said the 'I love You' stuff after just a couple of weeks. because of my age at the time, sex didn't happen for a couple of years and marriage was a couple of years after that! But I would say that yes, we both fell in love very early on.

Tortington Tue 27-Oct-09 01:50:56

jeez a month in - hes really keen.

i this love is characterised through what life chucks at you

the first flow of emotion isn't love.

i also think trust is more inportant - and that takes time.

scubadoo Tue 27-Oct-09 03:05:33

Hey willitknock, can completely empathise with those feelings. I would say take your time and get to know him a better, and make sure you feel the same. Do you feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Sadly I can't use my partner as a comparison.

anorak Tue 27-Oct-09 04:31:51

Be really careful. And have fun at the same time. Be more reserved than him and take your time to make your mind up.

fabnewlife Tue 27-Oct-09 07:50:26

What Solid said.

Alibooobaandthe40phantoms Tue 27-Oct-09 08:17:42

DH and I knew within a week .

Your list, I can say that I feel and do all of those things and we've been togther for 5 years and married for two.

The trust and everything else come later and deepen those feelings, but I still look forward to him coming home every day and smile when he pops up to say hello on msn.

PollyLogos Tue 27-Oct-09 08:17:51

Trust as custy said is most important and that takes time.

Also actions speak louder than words

FrayedKnot Tue 27-Oct-09 09:33:29

Perhaps he means he is "falling in love with you" rather than "loves" you?

I would be nervous if someone said they loved me after a month. You've hardly got to know each other yet, have you?

But obviously you can be falling in love at that stage, yes.

But don;t do yourself down about being special - of course you are, and he obviously thinks so!

SolidGhoulBrass Tue 27-Oct-09 11:07:55

How did he react when you didn't roll over with your legs in the air, though? If he got a bit petulant and huffy, proceed with extreme caution. If he said, 'Fair enough' or something similar, he probably is a nice guy. Some people are simply more emotionally demonstrative than others, but some men do use 'I love you' as a bit of a weapon, it's supposed to be a button they can push to make a woman do what they want her to do.

anniemac Tue 27-Oct-09 11:29:56

Message withdrawn

willitknockmyteethout Tue 27-Oct-09 13:20:02

thanks for your replies....
its nice to get your points of view...

I will take things slow, and enjoy what we've got for as long as it lasts... be it a week or the rest of our lives...

sgb... will watch out for controling behaviour...

lighthouse Tue 27-Oct-09 13:20:51

Love develops over time, I have been married 11 years and together 13. We have had ups and downs and round and rounds, there are times when I cant stand being around him, other times when I panic if he is not there.

In a month? no, you are still in lust at that point, how many people break up after a year because things have changed. However on the other hand it does work.

Need to give it plenty more time and enjoy the romance and the fun, do good stuff together and let it take its course.

To me, love is the great oak trees of life and no matter how bad the storm, they hang in there ready to see many more years of fine weather.They grow and die they flower and there are falling leaves. They take time to get to the size they are.

JodieO Tue 27-Oct-09 13:30:20

I don't think love necessarily develops over time. I believe you can love quickly and deeply. Love, to me, is indivual; there is no set answer. It may take someone years to feel the same love that others do in weeks/months or vise versa, it's just individual. Being with someone for longer doesn't have to mean you love them more imo.

OrmIrian Tue 27-Oct-09 13:32:56

Does it matter what you call it. Wait and see and enjoy the process.

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