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Is it normal to feel like I want to divorce DH when we fight?

(9 Posts)
BLeedINGandLovingit Mon 26-Oct-09 14:12:22

Most of the time, we get on brilliantly, and in fact, I'd say that in the last few months our relationship has been particularly good. We're practically love's young dream. blush But... when we argue, he can be so vicious and mean and I find it very very hard. I'm currently spending a lot of time thinking about whether his meanness is unnecessarily harsh or whether I am unnecessarily sensitive, but overall, is it strange that the whole time we're arguing, I have to bite my tongue so that I don't burst out with, "I don't actually want to be married to you after all"?

Is this just a normal, slightly childish, response to arguments? After all, we all know that our partners are the ones with the most power to hurt us?

BLeedINGandLovingit Mon 26-Oct-09 14:39:03

bump?

cathcat Mon 26-Oct-09 14:43:46

I was going to say yes it sounds normal until I read the description 'vicious and mean' This is a bit worrying tbh. Can you say more about this?

Summertimefizz Mon 26-Oct-09 14:56:32

Hi Bleedingandlovingit, I suppose it all depends what he says during the arguments. Is he being derogative towards you? E.g. 'you stupid f**king bitch' or is it about the matter in hand? E.g. 'I can't believe you didn't take the bin out'

My H was always really hurtful about 'ME' he was saying what he truly thought of me which I've never forgotten.

However, if you get on fabulously most of the time, maybe during that time you should mention to him how vicious and hurtful he actually is when you argue. Perhaps he doesn't realise how bad he is?

Unfortunately for me my H knew exactly what he was up to, so we are now going to seperate as I'd had enough of the abuse.

Talk to him....

Hope this is helpful,

anniemac Mon 26-Oct-09 15:10:35

Message withdrawn

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 27-Oct-09 10:12:05

I do quite often! DH and I have flaming rows every now and then and I do in those times feel like I want to divorce him. He can also be a nasty twat. But then I can also be a nasty bitch sad

anonymous85 Tue 27-Oct-09 11:57:44

What does he actually say?

notaloud Tue 27-Oct-09 13:48:20

Hmmm, sounds a bit fishy to me.

This happens to me a lot. Arguments now leave me feeling scared and scarred and generally V upset about our relationship. Then mostly the rest of the time things are fine.

Things have got worse and worse and what were heated arguments now find me cowering in a corner too afraid to counter his diatribe.

Don't you think that arguments sometimes bring out what is beneath the surface?

Yes sometimes people say stuff in the heat that they don't mean, but on the flip side, also sometimes say what they really think....

6feetundertheGroundhogs Tue 27-Oct-09 15:42:20

Depends if he's really going for the jugular when he rows with you, or it's about whatever the fight is about.

I'd worry if it were overly personal. Cos that is damaging and long lasting. If he's erring toward the personal abuse route, and getting directly personal and hurtful, there is a 'respect' issue going on there. If left unchecked, that loss of respect can go on to be contagious and damaging to your own self esteem.

Stand your ground, if he gets personal, leave the room and state that you will rejoin the conversation when he's more civil. Don't put up with it.

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