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do i keep my distance?

(4 Posts)
sparkle09 Sun 25-Oct-09 09:01:11

i have recently made contact with my mothers side of the family on facebook,

i dont talk to my mother (she an alcoholic and a manic depressive) and havent done for 3 years.

last year i started finding her brothers and sister and my cousins, all of which dont talk to my mother either.

everything was fine for a while we would chat every now and then online, i found quite a few things out as to why my uncles and aunt hardly speak to each other.

but as im starting to find out more, its becoming much more unhealthy and distructive (between my uncles and aunt rather than with me)

my aunt seems to be very much like my mother in the way that she will phone her brothers at all hours in the morning and have a go at them as my mother does, (she also used to do the same to me and my sister)

i have also found out that my uncle has been in prison for stabbing someone years ago. as did his son (my cousin),
there is alot of speculation over mine and my cousins trust funds left to us by our late granddad as we all got different amounts, ( thousands of pounds worth of differance) and at what ages we were allowed to receive them.

im now not sure what to think of it all, and im kind of wishing that i didnt pursue contact with them now.
but im still curious as to why they are all like this, from what i understand, or from what i have been told, is that they had a normal and stable up-bringing, but after their parents died it all totally fell apart.
its not a huge problem as some live in america and the others are in london so are far away from me.

i just have my own problems now with my younger sister becoming like our mother with drink problems and depression and total disregard as to how shes behaving towards her family and im not sure i can handle a whole family of them,

what do i do?

6feetundertheGroundhogs Sun 25-Oct-09 09:42:50

I think trust your gut instinct, you don't have to be close to them, you can keep your distance, if that's what you want to do.

duke748 Sun 25-Oct-09 09:55:50

I'd second the trust your instincts motion.

I thought I would also add my two pennies worth....

My grandparents had three daughters. They bought them up 'normally'- parents stayed together, helped the daughters financially when marriages broke up, supported some through university.

Once they died the tree sisters argued over the will, argued over who said what and who meant most to whom. Basically it all fell apart.

Having been involved in it at a young age (although I am sure there are things that went over my head, sadly most of it didn't) I know that two sisters felt that one in particular was favoured, my granddad was a very strict and emotionless man and my grandmother was very weak willed and had definative ideas on what a woman should and shouldn't do and tried to enforce these on her daughters.

Sadly it goes down the generations - one cousin has been in prison for killing his best friend whilst drink driving and another has joined a cult and left her two young children in care.

I, like you, have removed my self from it all. My mother and I haven't spoken for several years. My family, I kind of see as a mad old bunch of hatters. Some of which are alright, but not really a massive impact on my life. They also serve to teach me to treasure the lovely friends i have and to treat them as kindly as I can.

The worst feeling for me is knowing that if something goes horribly wrong in my life, I don't have a 'home' to go back to. I also find questions about my family difficult to answer to aquaintances!

Anyway, enough about me, back to you. Facebook seems an ideal way to keep in contact with those people in your family, especially as you can adjust what they can and can't see of yours. Try not to get too involved in who did what to who, I can imagine that they would each love to get you 'on their side'. Take everything with a pinch of salt and just enjoy the soap opera!

sparkle09 Tue 27-Oct-09 23:02:42

thank you, i just needed a little reasurrance that i was doing the right thing.

duke, thank you for sharing your experience, i do feel though that not having a "home" to go back to if things go wrong will just make me a much stronger person as i dont have to rely on others to fix my problems. so its huge positive. grin xxx

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