Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Pleeeeeeease let me moan about my houseguest, please commiserate with me...

(55 Posts)
PavlovtheForgetfulCat Fri 23-Oct-09 21:26:47

Oh i can't moan in real life. I have to Grin and Bare It.

My BIL. DHs brother. He is much older than DH. He is 49 i think (DH is 36, i am 32). He hardly knows DH due to a complicated upbringing (he stayed with his greek father, when his mother left, she later had DH from another relationship). There are lots of resentments in his life, he is bitter and twisted and set in his ways. And he is Doing My Skull In. I would like, in an ideal world, to tell him to just go away. But I can't, we have little family. He is Trying (beleive me he is wink) and DH wants him to stay in touch. DH feels some kind of obligation to him i think as he (his DB) has no other family apart from him.

Anyway. I just need to list/rant out all the things that are getting to me, so that I do not go "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF!!!' I know, i need to learn Tolerance. Its an age thing right? wink.

1. 'i am an electrical engineer by trade you know, i trained for three years, i did it as a job (amongst other things, been unemployed as long as i recall!). Cue attempting to fix our noisy fan in the desk top. This morning. Spent all day defragging - our fault for not doing it is why it took so long, althoug DH insists he did it a few months ago. Could not have, would not take this long if he did, blah blah...'hmm, hmm, i knoooow, its because of xyz'....onwards, getting, by the sound of it, more and more broken...'you haven't turned the power off or anything?'
2. He talks, endlessly. He has opinions about everything. He is right about everything. He does not listen to anything anyone else says.
3. He slags off MIL, who regardless of his opinion, i rather like. And of course DH loves her. He won't listen to 'can you try to express your opinions without so much hatred?'
4. He talks about his x-girlfriend, split with her 5 years ago endlessly, bitterly, angrily. He laughs that she is now 'fat' (or rather, she was too skinny before when she was with him and now more likely her natural size?), but claims he does not care.
5. He slags of another BIL. His full brother, DHs half brother (long long story) who lives in USA and who DH happens to get on very well with, only one year older than he). Does not give a toss how DH might dislike it. DH says something and he ignores it, or says 'you don't understand'.
6. He smokes like a chimney. He has a bad back, so cannot smoke outside hmm as he can't stand for that long, so sits in a chair by our back door and blows smoke out the door. Of sorts.
7. (this should probably be 1). He has a bad back. So, he plonks himself down in the middle of the sofa, feet up on my footstall, laptop on lap, watching tv, because we told DD she could have no tv because of misbehaving. "oh, this footstall is great for my bad back, I have to use this, have one at home, will cripple me otherwise'. so, me 36wks pregnant, squashed into the corner, minus my footstall. Hence i am now in bed.
8. 'i cannot sleep on that sofa bed. I considered sleeping on your very comfy leather sofa in the front room, but felt it would make it awkward in the morning for your DD to have nowhere to go, but tonight I might have to, i just cannot sleep on that sofabed' hmm
9. 'I am going on sunday, as that is the best day for travelling weather wise. I cannot go before that, so you can get on with you painting when I am gone - i would prefer you don't do any sanding while I am here, as I have asthma' - he was coming down to 'help' decorate, in prep for carpets being laid on wednesday, and a BABY due in less than 4 weeks, only coming for 2 days, turned into 4 shock said so flippantly too!
10. DD said 'i love you uncle xxx and ran and cuddled him' his response '{chuckles} you don't even know me luv!' she is 3 ffs sad.
11. He talks loudly.
12. He swears. All the time.
13. He told DH how much' fatter' he was since last time he saw him, and at this rate he will be a fat ball by 50. Then laughed and said he was just trying to shock him into sorting out his weight.
14. He moans about England and how shit it is, and how downhill it has gone - he is half greek, half english, grew up between Greece and Holland until a few years ago! Not complaining at the income he gets from the government though!
15. He does not want to do anything. Beautiful weather out this morning, wanted to take DD on the moors - sure when he wakes up a bit, needs a few hours. By that time it is raining. I go out, and when I get back, he is where he was!!!
16 he and DH are having a bloody ball. I am concerned about the influence here - DH has become a bit testosterone fuelled...he wears the trousers now, apparantly.


southeastastra Fri 23-Oct-09 21:28:56

ooh poor you, dp is an only child luckily

nevergoogledraculasbeheading Fri 23-Oct-09 21:29:00

start painting.

tisnotreallymyname Fri 23-Oct-09 21:31:29

Can you start complaining to him about your terrible piles and how you wee when you cough these days, actually that smoke blowing in will set you off.

And maybe give him an ironing board with a suitable chair so he can iron 30 babygrows for your new arrival wink

PoisonToadstool Fri 23-Oct-09 21:31:53

I'd get the sander out. Imagine every rough surface is his head?

Anniegetyourgun Fri 23-Oct-09 21:32:36

It's only till Sunday... it's only till Sunday... it's only till Sunday...

Just make sure that he really does leave on Sunday, and that he never, never comes back. And get DH out of those trousers before he gets too used to wearing them!

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Fri 23-Oct-09 21:33:54

I am probably going to paint tomorrow, as we have so much to do! <waves to dragon> (how are you btw?!). He will havr to just deal with it. Or. Leave? Oh, thats an option...grin

DH has 3 brothers - 2 half, one full. Full brother is tolerable, often quite nice, get on well enough with him. He has his moments. DH gets on fab, proper brother like with him. Half brother, is a 'new' brother in that DH has only known him about 6 years? But they get on famously and are the most alike of the lot of them. I like him. This brother. He is that one that you would like to put back in the cupboard but can't. Mean, I know. But true grin

nevergoogledraculasbeheading Fri 23-Oct-09 21:35:33

you need to put tennis balls in the sofa cushions and get started on the painting first thing tomorrow morning.

nevergoogledraculasbeheading Fri 23-Oct-09 21:38:20

i'm great thanks. enjoying the rolling countryside here and have taken up cycling and getting far too much exercise.

4 weeks to go, that's exciting. any names you can share?

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Fri 23-Oct-09 22:58:04

Well. I did like the name of this brother. But, luckily, I ave gone riiiiight off it grin. We are considering - Reuben, Gabriel, Monty - but none of them feel right. I feel like I am missing a name, if that makes sense? less than 4 weeks! 3.6, DD was 10 days early, so soooooon grin

I would like to add 2 more things to this list of mine...i just had to go out for nappies for DD, as she has leaked her last one, I go into the kitchen, to find the door shut, BIL smoking in kitchen (not even DH does this anymore, he was stood at backdoor bless him!):

'how much wine have you had babe? we are out of nappies'
BIL 'he has had too much to drive dear' hmm ? hello? wasn't talking to you?
me: have you seen my glasses babe?
BIL 'he put them on the cabinet in the front room i think, did you DH?'

and he is deaf, but does not wear his hearing aids, the ones he apparantly has but forgot. So, he says 'what is she saying?, whats going on? what are you both talking about?' Usually when we are talking about nothing to do with him!

Oh, and I got to shops, my card would not work due to it being washed by DH, they both piss themselves laughing as I drove there, and back, and then had to drive there, and back, again. When I return, BIL says to me, feet up on my footstall...'you can finally go to bed now' [grrrrr].

Sunday. Morning. Sunday. Morning. I shall repeat this to myself often!

KatieScarlett2833 Fri 23-Oct-09 23:00:05

He called you "dear?" Patronising fuckwit.

I'd have evicted him for that, alone.

You must be a saint in human form to let him live.

theDeadPirateRoberts Fri 23-Oct-09 23:01:25

Noisy fan in desktop = fix hoover tube to vent and run for a bit [inappropriately sensible commenting]

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Fri 23-Oct-09 23:03:33

He has called me dear more than once. He keeps doing it. He also keeps referring to me as 'the wife'. That is fucking annoying. I think I am a saint, and I shall remind DH of this tomorrow...grin and the next day, until he realises he owes me.

I am clearly making this man too comfortable. He is still here.

DH won't say anything though. 'it does not bother me pavlov, its you it bothers' [slap]

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Fri 23-Oct-09 23:07:46

thedeadpirateroberts alas, the computer is now silent, on account of it not working at all any more grin. Take a good working computer, with some nice expensive graphics cards and motherboard, add one large helping of Mr Know It All and you get - a lump of plastic. Fine, it was my pc, and Dh mostly used it due to gaming. So i used his macbook. Now my macbook, fine by me grin.

At least I can come to bed when i like on account of being pregnant. DH can't grin

KatieScarlett2833 Fri 23-Oct-09 23:11:35

Tell your DH from me that he is a spineless weasel.

Enjoy your Macbook grin

anonymous85 Sat 24-Oct-09 03:54:48

Ooo yeah start painting, mention - weren't you here to help - and bring out that sander grin What a pain in the arse. He sounds really miserable too btw, but that's not your problem to fix especially atm!!

Niknak21 Sat 24-Oct-09 05:00:49

Poor thing, but it's now Saturday morning, only one more day to go. Get out that sander and ask him to make himself useful!

mangosTrickyrice Sat 24-Oct-09 05:15:28

Oh wow, he is the houseguest from hell. Started to get very shock when you mentioned being 36 weeks pg - what an arse.
There is no way he would have my footstool (39 weeks and selfish).

Agree with previous posts - get on with your stuff and sod his asthma/ back ache/ whatever. And yes, you are a saint for not shouting/ kicking him out.

2rebecca Sat 24-Oct-09 08:40:22

I'd get on with the sanding and tell him h knew you were decorating when he came and he can go out for the day if he doesn't like it and that you can't arrange your lives around him as you have a baby coming soon. Your husband should really be telling him this.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Sat 24-Oct-09 09:27:03

Yes, DH should be telling him this.

But he is one of those people, you know, who you can tell him right to his face that he is being an arse and he would just laugh. He is like a steam roller, you know, just keeps on going regardless of things around him. If I was really blunt then he would probably get angry and leave, but leave after several hours of being passive aggressive telling us how bad his life is and how awful we are treating him. He is actually quite overbearing and a little intimidating if I am honest about it.

He is indeed the house guest from hell. I have told DH he needs to sort it. If we do not paint today, he needs to make sure that somehow it is all done by tuesday evening, and if that means he stays up til midnight every night sanding, then he will have to do it.

I think also, hard to explain, but he is not english, but he is english, so some of his views are a little distorted from the perspective of someone who has not been raised in england, but he speaks perfect english, with an, i guess pan european accent. It means he says things about, say the law and he gets it ever so slightly wrong. So, if he was clearly greek, dutch or from another place, we would consider that, but as he has a clipped english accent, it comes across as ignorance and rudeness, but in fact he is coming from a completely different experience to us. I have to remember that when he says off the wall things...that probably makes no sense whatsoever grin

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Sat 24-Oct-09 09:36:52

i can hear him talking in the kitchen -

my ear doctor told me i should stop eating margarine, as I was suffering from such and such, and so i stopped, and it cleared up. My ear doctor was right, she knows her stuff. And now i can only eat pure butter. Margarine is horrible stuff. It has all sorts of chemicals in it, it is vile. You should not touch it. You should not feed it to your daughter. She should eat butter only... should use a butter dish. You should keep it out of the fridge. You ruin butter by leaving it in the fridge.

DD loves him! She is tormenting him we speaks. She will not leave him alone grin

Anniegetyourgun Sat 24-Oct-09 09:40:40

There you are, he has his uses.

Just think of it as beating your head against a brick wall. It's going to feel so lovely when he's gone.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Sat 24-Oct-09 09:43:31

I am counting down. This time tomorrow, he will be gone...

...pray for me that the weather does not take a turn for the worse...he is a biker and will not travel in heavy rain...

missingtheaction Sat 24-Oct-09 09:50:39

Your dh thinks this is ok? shock

so frustrating - if you throw a huge tantrum he would proably just ignore you/laugh/wink knowingly at dh/give dd a bottle of retsina to drink...

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Sat 24-Oct-09 10:00:56

missingtheaction DH is doing what he would describe as 'blowing smoke up his ass'. And yes, if I behave in any negative way, that would happen, and it would all be put down to my hormonal pregnant state, in a patronising, head tapping manner hmm. Even DH will say this now, and even believe it!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: