Single parent needs advice re teenage daughter drinking !!!

[SPL]

Not sure if this is in the right category but I know all you MN's have a wealth of experience I could maybe tap into!

Lovely daughter 17 a couple of months ago. Always had good open relationship, and very close since her dad died when she was 10. Typical teenager I think, been getting used to alcholic drinks for about 18 months and maybe this has happened before, say at a girlfriend's party with a sleepover but anyway ..... last night she walked to friend's house and later on I got a call to say they were in local pub (appreciate under age but not sure how to tackle that issue either as the friendship group does get served it seems accepted). A couple of hours later she came back with 3 friends, so I said goodnight and went off to bed. It seems they helped themselves to a couple of bottles of wine from the fridge and evidently the others went home at some point.

I woke up at 2.30am and could see daughter's bedroom light on. Opened the door and she was lying on the floor in a pool of liquid, and had been sick in her rubbish bin. Hard to wake her up but managed to get to the bathroom where she was sick again and just slumped with head in toilet! Eventually got her to my bed (couldn't negotiate steps to her own loft bed) where she slept fully clothed. When I left for work this morning she opened eyes and said "really sorry" before crashing out again so I just made sure there was water/tissues/plain biscuits etc on hand.

Now I DO KNOW that all teenagers get legless at some point and I'm certainly not mad - how else will they learn - but just a little concerned she could perhaps have choked on vomit etc and would appreciate any words of advice how others have reacted please!

[Kally]

Yeah, I remember doing this when I was 16 (am 52 now) so she hasn't invented the wheel here. I was sick in bed and my angry Mum made me clean it all up the next day with hangover etc... Never did that again.

Drink is so easy to get these days, even with all the restrictions. I think the best thing is to just explain what a drain it is on health and pocket and how awful the whole 'drinking scene' becomes once you get into it.

It is a scary element that we all face as Mum's. I personally don't drink as was brought up by a sneaky alcoholic Mum and hate what it reminds me of. But I have a 12 year old (going on 16) and it is a scary future as it seems they drink so young these days. Just talk about it, don't rant and get into a row... nothing sinks in when anger is involved. Be supportive but warn her about how easy it is to get sucked into the drinking scene.

Personally, I am not very good around un-sober people and my little one knows that. Maybe I'll be lucky and she won't get into it, but I expect my day will come and I'll be facing it. Ugh... patience.

[Tortington]

i think dissapointment is the biggest leverage at this point - maybe grounding for a week.

i think it sounds like you have it undercontrol actually ( despite your post) you sound like a fab mum

[SPL]

Thanks to both Kally and HMC for your views (and the mum compliment!) Guess we're on a learning curve now - she's an only child - and I can remember being very ill one night around that age, after drinking a lot of Southern Comfort and coke (what a mix!).

I think what's in the back of my mind is the fact her dad was a very heavy drinker and this contributed to his sudden death (she doesn't know this and I do not want to tarnish his memory by using the fact as a threat).

We'll talk it through but I am worried how easily she could be drawn into the easy drinking culture (uni next year as well .... aargh!!!) and wonder if there is anything else I could do to get the balance right?

[Tortington]

i think as long as you are there as a support that a lot depends on her peers and to some extent - like you already mentioned its the kinda stuff they do. doesn't stop us worrying though does it?

[VetMedStudent]

She'll figure it out. Shes only been drinking a year and a half, so she started what, age 15? thats pretty impressive ANYWAY as most people i have talked to lately talk about getting trashed when they were 12 etc- now that IS a scary thought.

Honestly, i think the whole thing with you having to see her in that state, and having to look after her will embaress her to a point that she may not go as far again anyway. I know i wouldnt if my mother found me on the floor...Have you talked to her about it? since i mean?

Anyway, sounds like your doing an excellent job- hope all goes okay.