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Facebook made me sad

(11 Posts)
TrippleBerryFairy Fri 23-Oct-09 00:49:50

Since I've gone on mat leave I feel I have let myself go - no make-up, hair is a mess, started wearing dull clothes... Went on facebook today and found few people (woman) from the past on there and checked their pictures - they're looking svelte, slim and trim and so beautiful. That made me --so jealous-- kind of sad...sad I'm a stone bigger than pre-pregnancy (size 12/14, used to be 10...) and not very happy. My partner keeps saying he loves me but I do not get same amount of attention from him as before. Last time we had sex was ages ago.

Posted somewhere about his recent remark - that my leaking boobs do not do anything good to his libido. He is probably right, I have let myself go that's plain obvious when I look in the mirrorsad. But what's the point of making myself look good if I spend days at home with the baby?... Also, there's not much I can do about my leaking boobs as I am breastfeeding!

I am not sure what I am trying to say here. Facebook just made me feel so sad and I am longing for my single days in a way... Days when I was slim, my partner was admiring me and we had fun in hotels and had sex - all that's left is boring housekeeping/cleaning, tv watching every night and a cuddle before sleep...

Am contemplating dieting to loose the weigth but not sure as I am breastfeeding... I just feel a bit hopeless at the moment - will he ever want me again like before?.. Rethoric question I know.

ICantFindAFreeNickName Fri 23-Oct-09 01:10:57

Firstly - people only ever post good pictures on facebook. There's nothing to stop you putting up an old picture from when you were slimmmer.
Things will improve in time - you don't say how old your baby is, but you are bound to be feeling tired and maybe missing your old life a bit.
Could you try and arrange a meet up with a friend for lunch or a night out to give you a reason to make a bit of an effort.
Do you have anyone to babysit so that you can go on a date with your partner.
If you can afford it why not buy a couple of new trendy outfits that suit your current shape & lifestyle, rather than slobbing around in boring clothes each day. If you are near a town, make the most of your time off work and go and get a few free make-overs from the department stores, just to get you out of your rut.

differentnameforthis Fri 23-Oct-09 01:22:32

Erm...your 'leaky boobs' are feeding your child & that - imo - is way more important than feeding your selfish git husbands libido! He needs to get his head around that!

My sister is slimmer now than I am (first time in our lives & I am 36, she 38) and my husband's aunt ALWAYS comments on it, how slim she is, how she looks after herself, how lovely she looks etc. BUT, my sister starves herself! I have had emails from her hubby to say that "she survives on yogurt & fruit & water. She never eats anything she prepares for them. If she does eat, she has tiny amounts that would barely feed a 1yr old, let alone an adult!"

She works in a school & tells them all (she has older kids, so all at school during day) that she eats in the canteen at lunchtime.

The reality of fb is that you can put up any picture you like. I have one of me several years ago, before dd2 took what was left of my figure!

Yes, so people are slimmer than you & I, but it is how you feel inside that matters.

Pay a little more attention to your hair, make up etc if you want to do it, for YOU! I often find a little tinted moisturiser & some mascara make me feel a lot better if I am down. Get out at least once a a day. Eat sensibly while you are bfeeding, then think about more of a diet when you have stopped.

You don't say how old baby is, but you will get back into your groove. It id hard being a new mum, breastfeeding, attending to someone else before yourself, but it is worth it. You have a beautiful baby! And in time, you will feel more positive as you start to get your 'life' back.

EcoMouse Fri 23-Oct-09 02:06:38

Don't address your weight while feeding. Your body is doing as nature intended and storing what it needs to, to provide for two whole people in the best way it knows how, therefore, you have a fantastic body!

If you feel as though you've let yourself go in terms of clothes, hair, make up or whatever it is that you would have done pre-baby, then catch hold of yourself. You know what the problem is, sort it out! Your body may feel a little alien but it is yours to pamper and adorn as you so wish wink

If there's no particular reason why you spend days at home with the baby then don't do it.

Get out, socialise when and where possible. Even if you make it out for a cuppa at a cafe or lunch with friends it is something to aim towards. It's easy to become relatively isolated with a newborn so avoid allowing it to continue into hermithood.

The rest will follow. In an ideal world partners would be completely unperturbed by the changes pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding give women's bodies but in reality they tend to be just as perturbed, if not more so than women themselves.

If you can find a way to carry it off with confidence (and so you should IMO! Be proud!) I'm sure he will be inspired.

2babyblues Fri 23-Oct-09 10:39:21

Don't worry about it people only put good photos on facebook, bet you have too!

I remember that feeling of constantly leaky boobs and smelling of milk. When my baby was sleeping all I would do was eat lots of biscuits with tea and watch daytime TV!! I didn't get out much as I didn't drive at the time and hated feeding in public! I couldn't fit into any of my old clothes so was still in maternity stuff for months. My husband was in the spare room for months as he didn't want to keep getting woken up while I was feeding my baby!

However, it's only a short time in your life, try and enjoy your baby and don't worry about your husbands insensitive comments. He probably doesn't realise how much he has upset you. You will get back to how you were before eventually but there is really no hurry and breastfeeding does make you hungry so it is hard to diet at the same time!!!! Also, I think you need lots of food to make the milk anyway!

I spent a lot of time with my first baby worrying about stuff instead of really enjoying him and I regret that now.

overmydeadbody Fri 23-Oct-09 10:43:12

The point of making yourserlf look good is that is makes you feel better, so even if you are only in the house with the baby it might still be beneficial to you to put more effort in so that you actually feel better.

People only put good photos on FB, but if you want to feel better I can assure you my FB picture is not one of those glamorous ones, I am sweaty and dirty with combats on and my hair scraped back with a buff over it.

Jux Fri 23-Oct-09 10:50:58

You poor thing. I can understand your sadness so well. I can't do more than empathise with you really, but this will pass. You won't be like this forever, life will not always revolve around babies and housekeeping. One day, you will get back the you that you are mourning at the moment.

Anniegetyourgun Fri 23-Oct-09 13:05:53

Facebook is evil.

TanyaBranning Fri 23-Oct-09 13:08:32

I felt exactly the same as you a few months ago. Give yourself a break, though, woman! You will get your mojo back. I've gone back to work now, have a few decent clothes and have slowly lost the weight (well, most of it!). I feel totally different about myself these days. And remember, people only put their best pics up on FB wink

Kathyis12feethighandbites Fri 23-Oct-09 13:14:35

Remember some of your friends on FB will be envying you your lovely baby.

lilyjen Fri 23-Oct-09 13:27:03

We all do this when we first have a baby. It feels like you don't have the time or any point in making an effort anymore because you're at home all day. If you're home all day it also makes you isolated and then you focus on these things even more. The best thing I ever did was join toddler groups. I had no confidence and at first I thought they were more trouble than they were worth with all that embarrasing silence and small talk about nappies but I persevered and went to one every day. The other mums put it all in perspective for me and after a few months formed some close friendships and started going over peoples houses for lunch or taking our babies to the park together, that led on to evenings with wine and even going out for the night. After that I began dressing more like the old me without even realising it and making more effort, with such a good social life I didn't have time to forget myself at home..that's all it is-really! Lots of love xx

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