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So broody I could cry and DH s adament that ...

(13 Posts)
Gravitygirl Thu 22-Oct-09 18:50:31

he wont have anymore!

am so so desperate for another baby even though there are probably lots of sensible reasons why I should not. I know that I will regret not having that next one for the rest of my life.

I would love to hear from anyone who has a DH that wont entertain the idea of anymore and what you have done to make peace with it.

I always envisaged at leaast having 3 children, I am fnding it hard to settle for the two I have ( even though I am ncredibly lucky and grateful for my two precious children) I just feel like I wont be complete without having another one

Does any of that make sense? Its really getting to me.

LoveMyGirls Thu 22-Oct-09 19:03:24

I felt exactly the same when I was waiting to ttc dd2, dh was adament we should wait and I felt time was ticking and dd1 was getting older and the age gap was getting bigger!

As soon as I'd had dd2 I felt our family was complete.

Will your dh ever change his mind, is there any chance if you leave it for 6 months then re-visit it he might re-consider?

suiledonne Thu 22-Oct-09 19:08:24

I feel for you Gravity. I am worried that the same thing will happen to me. I have 2 dds - one aged 3 and an almost one year old.

Not broody now but I remember the feelings I had when I wanted to try for dc2 - it was all I could think about.

I had hyperemesis both pregnancies and PND after dd1 and am still fairly anxious. What with everything DH thinks it wouldn't be good to have anymore. He says he really doesn't want anymore and for the moment I am fine but what if those feelings come back?

His reasoning is sound but what if your heart over rules your head?

What makes it worse that in the throes of a miserable pregnancy I agreed with him.

No advice for you sorry but I totally understand.

skydancer1 Mon 26-Oct-09 10:02:01

I'm in a similar place to you Gravity although I only have one DC (3 yo) and it's looking increasingly likely it will stay that way. Time is also not on my side as I am 43. My partner is pretty adamant and from all logical perspectives I tend to agree with him it would be mad to have another. Our Ds is a delight and I am so grateful to have him but it has also been such a stressful 3 years what with moves abroad added in. no family/friend back-up etc. BUT - nature is giving me the last big prod and broodiness has suddenly hit me like an ocean. It's a really hard place to bear isn't it? And I don't know whether the outcome in my case is going to be a change of mind on DP's part or me having to come to terms with not having another child (either because he doesn't change his mind or I get too old!). I am trying to just stay with the feelings - and hang a bit loose to the feelings - for now, but sometimes it seems such a deep sadness.

sarah293 Mon 26-Oct-09 10:13:57

Message withdrawn

dollyparting Mon 26-Oct-09 12:03:47

I know just what you are going through. I had a similar experience. I have 2 wonderful dds, but then I had an unexpected pregnancy and had a miscarriage.

I was so, so desperate and I would look at pregnancy info, and go into shops looking at baby clothes imagining how it would be.

I just concentrated on the logical reasons why having another baby would not be good. I wrote endless lists about how my relationship with dp would be affected, how a new baby would affect my dds, the impact on my health, the impact on family finances, the long-term consequences. It did not make the feelings go away but it did stop me from doing anything impetuous.

I focused a lot on spending time with my dds doing things that I would not be able to do if I had another baby, and really noticed how much I enjoyed them.

It took a while for me to accept, and now a few years later, I can genuinely say that I am glad about our decision. I occasionally look back and wonder a little, but I know that I am wondering with rose-coloured spectacles on, and I do not feel regretful.

diddl Mon 26-Oct-09 13:31:32

I´m going to sound really harsh, but if you are truly grateful for what you have, why would you want more?

OrmIrian Mon 26-Oct-09 13:37:26

I don't know what to suggest TBH.

Because the two of you have totally opposing views which can't be reconciled. As you admit that DH's POV is the sensible one could you just work on that, list all the reasons why it would be a bad idea, all the advantages to your life as it is? And bear in mind that no#3 changed our lives so so much... and although we love DS#2, not altogether for the better. It's much harder than 2 IME.

skydancer1 Mon 26-Oct-09 14:43:49

Diddl, interesting question. I think gratitude is based on appreciation and love for something or someone you value highly, so why wouldn't a person want more of whatever creates that feeling? Also I don't think the desire for another child is rational necessarily rational, but can nevertheless be a huge drive and emotional pull.

Riven I remember you from another thread but cant remember which one blush. I also remember thinking of you as a brilliant mum to your DD. I feel for your wish for another. I hope you can at least get to speak to your dh about it as it sounds like he's pushed the whole subject away. Ouch.

skydancer1 Mon 09-Nov-09 03:57:00

Just wanted to bump this one. I'm interested if anyone out there was in a similar position and resolved it either by a change of heart on the DP front or a resolving it in yourself/coming to terms.

diddl Mon 09-Nov-09 08:34:01

OP, I see your point that if something is good you want more.

But to me wanting more can also mean that what you have isn´t enough.

Why doesn´t your husband want more?

I also wanted more than the two I have-ideally.

But age/finances/practicalities got in the way of "ideally".

And I do feel now that any more would have been to the detriment of what we have.

wannaBe Mon 09-Nov-09 09:32:00

Tbh I think we get too caught up in how we think things are going to be/should be.

How many people say things like "I've always thought I would have two/three/a big family but..." when reality is that life seldom turns out how we thought it would.

II also think that if we spend too long regretting the things we don't/can't have we can easily lose sight of the things we do have.

And there's also a saying - be careful what you wish for. I know several people who have been desparate for that one more baby, and who in retrospect wouldn't have had another one if they'd realized just how it was going to be with an extra child..

BellaBonJovi Mon 09-Nov-09 10:33:10

Sort of echoing Wannaba...

It's a huge weight to put on a little baby - that it will make you feel 'complete'.

Isn't it?

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