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Just going to have a little rant.....

(5 Posts)
lunavix Mon 13-Jun-05 20:49:40

and not about the lovely new dh!

Me and dh(feels weird saying that already) have a couple who are basically our best friends, and the girl was one of my chief bridesmaids, I love her to bits even though we've only been close since we moved away from them.

My other best friend (of 10 years) lives near-ish them, and she was my other chief bridesmaid (don't ask) which naturally made them friends as they helped organise stuff etc.

And I know I'm being daft but now I feel totally replaced, and rather jealous. (yes I'll admit it!) My long-term best friend isn't the nicest person, she's broken my trust a number of times and I think the only reason we've stayed friends so long is because we've lived in different countries most of the time. I feel so mean saying this as she's been great recently, especially with the wedding, but I still feel like I don't trust her.

I knew in the run up to the wedding they'd be seeing each other, but they're meeting every day for lunch, seeing each other most evenings, even going out clubbing! Which the friend in the couple (lets call her BF2) never ever does, especially without her dp, and both her and bf1 claim to be broke anyways!

I think the thing that's really bugging me is I don't really get to spend much time with bf2 (who I love to bits) as we live a few hours apart, and bf1 has a habit of 'muscling in' on my friends and ex's (when they were 'current's... iyswim) and now bf2 and her dp have decided to have a party... with bf1 plus BIL (who bf2's dp has decided he likes - which makes dh feel left out too!) and I have these visions of everytime I see bf2, bf1 willbe there....

Okay I know this will make no sense, and I'm being stupid, but I felt like a rant. Me and dh don't have many close friends (2 bf's each, and that's it really) so it's kind of upset me....

lunavix Mon 13-Jun-05 20:51:42

I might add me and bf2 had a heart to heart today (by email) and she poured out some relationship problems, and this all came blurting out on my part...

but she didn't mention then she sees bf1 every single day, and was having her over for dinner, and to go out tomorrow night.. which her dp has just told dh.

Miaou Mon 13-Jun-05 21:02:56

She probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings, lunavix, which is why she didn't mention it to you today.

My honest opinion, from what you have said here, is that bf2 probably knows what bf1 is like (or is coming round to that conclusion), and is aware that bf1 is monopolising her at your expense. However I also get the impression that she won't let it go on long-term, and/or she won't let it affect your friendship.

The fact that you felt able to tell her how you were feeling, and I guess she took it ok (otherwise you would have said in your second post), is a really positive thing. Keep talking to her, both in general and about your relationship, but try to focus on that - the relationship between you and bf2 - and not dwell on her relationship with bf1 (or yours) - unless she brings it up. That way you can be supportive to her, and she can be supportive to you, without her feeling pressured re her friendship with bf1.

I hope all that makes sense and I haven't got the wrong end of the stick . And just for the record, I don't think you are being stupid.

lunavix Mon 13-Jun-05 21:17:41

Thanks

I've felt really silly tonight. We don't get to see them as often as we like, and we are really looking forward to the party (it's bf2's dp's birthday) and from whaat he said on the phone dh is rather hurt his brother is now high on the guest list. They aren't close at all (dh and bil), and bil lives near them so I think he feels in the same boat as me!

I think we are both just not looking forward to the possibility of never getting our friends 'to ourselves' again.

Miaou Mon 13-Jun-05 21:36:13

Completely understandable lunavix, particularly as neither of you have a large group of friends.

Be careful that you don't feed off each other however (ie you and dh), because then it could become a bigger issue for you both. Dh and I have fallen into that trap before - we feel the same way about a situation, talk and agree about how we feel, and end up almost "bigging it up" because there is no-one there to put the other side of the argument IYSWIM!

I'm not a floaty hippy person, but perhaps "visualise" yourself and dh at this party before you go. Imagine watching bf2 chatting happily with bf1 and bil with bf2's dp, and imagine yourself talking to other people/each other etc whilst this is happening. If you foresee this as a possibility I think it could make it easier to deal with at the time.

You could also either make a date to get together with bf2 & her dp, either at the party, or even before it - then even if you do feel a bit pushed out at the do you will have something else positive to look forward to which involves just you four.

And don't feel silly about it! I am very similar to you, in that I don't have a wide circle of friends, so I do tend to feel vulnerable/panicky if I think other people are "muscling in" on the friends I have. It's a natural reaction.

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