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is my MIL stupid or just insensitive???

(13 Posts)
myermay Wed 21-Oct-09 20:18:16

she's a nice enough person, just not much of a grandma or mother.

Today she was telling me about a girl at her work who'd just had her 2nd baby (a girl and she also has an older boy). I said "ah that's lovely, say congrats from us" to which she replied, "she's so bloody lucky, having a son & a daughter". I have 2 sons and felt like i'd been slapped in the face! i replied saying, " well, i don't feel UNLUCKY that i have 2 sons, it doesn't make it a perfect family to have one of each"

She didn't seem to get that it irritated me and continued to drown on saying that she'd wished she'd had a daughter (she has 3 sons), that boys are very independent etc etc. I did bite back saying that i know how it feels to have a parent disappointed because i wasn't the favoured sex and it bloody hurts.

I think eventually she did realise that she'd hit a nerve and left - hopefully she won't return too soon grin Every visit there is some stupid, my sons bedroom is very small,dh should be going to watch ds play footie instead of working etc etc

I wouldn't mind if she was a fab mother but she's been a shocking mother!!!!

argghhhhh sorry rant over... how do you deal with a MIL who doesn't even realise that she says such stupid things???

bigchris Wed 21-Oct-09 20:20:35

but she was just saying she was sad she didn't have a daughter wasn't she? Thta's okay for her to feel that way, it doesn't have to reflect on you does it? She's entitled to her opinion surely?

bibbitybobbityCAT Wed 21-Oct-09 20:22:26


But you are over-sensitive.

CarGirl Wed 21-Oct-09 20:27:12

perhaps the technique with her is to acutally verbalise her sub text.

"Oh so you've really come to terms with not having the dd you wanted"

"You wish dh would be more involved because FIL wasn't and you regret it" etc

bigchris Wed 21-Oct-09 20:27:44

great idea cargirl!

myermay Wed 21-Oct-09 20:28:50

to sit and say that infront of her son & grandsons is a little unkind though.

KatieScarlett2833 Wed 21-Oct-09 20:29:09

Sounds like she was talking about her own wishes rather than being insensitive, IMO.

piscesmoon Wed 21-Oct-09 20:30:12

There have been lots of threads on here where people are upset not to have DDs-it is very common. I think that you are reading too much into it all-unless there is a wholelot that you haven't mentioned.

myermay Wed 21-Oct-09 20:30:44

Cargirl, her face would drop a mile if i said that! good idea i might try something like that.

CarGirl Wed 21-Oct-09 20:32:55

perhaps she's never had anyone to talk to about that sort of stuff.

If you say it kindly and let her express her feelings then perhaps you can then kindly say that you find it hurtful when she says x y z because.

JeremyVile Wed 21-Oct-09 20:36:38

I dont see the problem with waht she said. And I generally looooooathe mils wink

Think you're being over sensitive - your issue, not hers.

Avendesora Thu 22-Oct-09 08:03:08

Or you could say 'youve got me Mum' or is that a step too far?

pleasechange Thu 22-Oct-09 08:30:17

It sounds to me that this is probably the most recent in a long line of comments that she makes, and that the OP is used to her making insensitive comments. That's probably why the other posters see the isolated comment as innocent, whereas the OP sees it as insensitive (and it is more likely to be such if the MIL is usually insensitive)

OP - I too am used to my MIL making silly comments all the time. I used to inwardly seethe but now I most often say something back. So for example when she said to DS "poor you, she goes out to work all day and ignores you", I said to "oh DS, there your silly GM goes making her silly remarks again, let's go upstairs". My logic - if her skin is as thick as a rhinocerous, she'll be able to take it

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