Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Sleep anxiety - its ruining my relationship

(5 Posts)
isitreallythattime Wed 21-Oct-09 19:57:05

I need some help quickly. Historically, I had PND and then me and my partner decided to sleep seperately becuase i would sleep better, and was really struggling.

I am a light sleeper and my partner would snore and sometimes talk in his sleep.

Occasionally, we would get back into 'our' bed, but i would end up asking him to go downstairs as he would snore or i just wouldnt sleep.

Now it is having huge effects on our relationship, partner is always hinting that he wants to be intimate, I really dont want to, i have been really wanting to try and get back to sleeping together but keep hitting a brick wall, that being that when i go to bed i start panicing that i am going to get woken with snoring, sleep talking or partner trying to get me to 'kiss and cuddle' then i just say to him to sleep downstairs.

I guess what i am looking for is anyone that has any similar issues and how they overcome them...

Drooper Wed 21-Oct-09 20:29:38

No experience of PND but have had insomnia and a snoring partner.

Completely understand that sense of panic about being disturbed and not getting a good nights sleep. Also that sense of relaxation and relief when I've got the bed to myself smile.

What worked for us was having an honest talk and bedtime rules. Eg some nights we would start off in bed together but when ready for sleep one of us would slope off to the sofa.
Other nights we would just start off in diff beds but have a cuddle in the morning. Also to have chat about cuddles not always leading to sex.

I think you need to take some of the pressure off yourself, but have a chat to him about recognising his need for intimacy. Maybe if you concentrate on just trying to share a bed for a few nights with sex off the cards, you could get used to him again. For me, I can now tune DP out most nights (with ear plugs)
Are you having any treatment for your PND? Can take a while for libido to recover.

isitreallythattime Wed 21-Oct-09 20:47:34

I know that feeling, its such a relief when I am there alone as i know that anxiety is not there, although then i start to worry about our state of relationship.

I have tried talking about not being intimate but he doesnt seem to get it, or that might be me getting anxious.

No, have come off AD and contraception in hope that gets my libido back to no avail. Now worry that i might get pregnant... arggghhhhhh stress, what do i do.. x

isitreallythattime Wed 21-Oct-09 20:53:11

I know that feeling, its such a relief when I am there alone as i know that anxiety is not there, although then i start to worry about our state of relationship.

I have tried talking about not being intimate but he doesnt seem to get it, or that might be me getting anxious.

No, have come off AD and contraception in hope that gets my libido back to no avail. Now worry that i might get pregnant... arggghhhhhh stress, what do i do.. x

yummytummy Wed 21-Oct-09 21:25:44

hi i know what you mean. i am also a very light sleeper and have a great deal of difficulty in sleeping next to dh. most nights we end up in different rooms. to be honest i've pretty much given up on sleeping in same bed but we do have cuddles before falling asleep and sometimes in morning. can still be intimate but then it just means we fall asleep separately after. maybe you could try that or move beds once he is asleep? i can definitely understand how upsetting it is though. you are not alone.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now