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My ds is driving me mad!

(8 Posts)
joliejolie Wed 21-Oct-09 10:47:40

Some of you are going to roll your eyes at this, but please just listen...

Ds (almost 4) has started a new thing lately that is really making me feel awful. We had a conversation at dinner the other night that went like this:

ds: I have to leave soon.
me: No, after dinner it is bath and then bed.
ds: Buy mummy, I can't lve here anymore and I have to leave.
me: Oh really, where are you going?
ds: To live in the house with the baby and I can't come back here and see you any more.
me: Well, daddy and I want you to stay here.
ds: I know, but I HAVE to go and I know I can't ever come back and see you and daddy anymore.
me: Eat your dinner!!!

He also used to have this thing where he told everyone he was my best friend...only me, not dh or any of the other dc. I secretly loved this, even though I know it was silly. He has now stopped and said that he doesn't have a best friend, but maybe the baby will be his best friend (at his new house!). This, coupled with the talk about leaving and never coming back has started to feel not very nice! I am not an easliy upset person, but he is persistent!

Now, I am not planning anymore children and there have been no changes happening around here. Does anyone have any ideas where he may be getting this stuff? He is adament that he is leaving soon and repeats it several times a day. Is this a stage? None of my other dc did this.

I know he is just a child and they get fanciful ideas sometimes, but he goes into detail about the house and his new family and he remembers (and can repeat, even after a few days) every detail too, so it feels as if to him, they do exist.

MadameDuBain Wed 21-Oct-09 10:58:16

Not had this, but my 4yo DS does come out with untold amounts of nonsense and can be very persistent.

Could you possibly be pg and not realise it? I have heard that children can sometimes tell.

Otherwise, I'd humour him and ask lots of questions, what's it like where he's going, can you visit, what's the baby's name, with there be ice cream because if not he might want to stay here after all, etc that kind of thing. He obviously has this obsession which may have come from a dream, something on TV etc or just his imagination - if you try to suppress and reject it it wont go away and he'll feel misunderstood, but if you let him ramble on about it and listen, it will pass (and IME, make way for the next bout of nonsense)

Chandon Wed 21-Oct-09 11:52:38

My DS tells me he would like to die, today or else tomorrow. So that he can ask God to be either 1 or 8 when eh coems back, he wants to be a baby or a big boy, not a little boy. He keeps telling people he hopes he´ll die soon shock. Last night he cried because he really would like to die NOW.

We have this conversation on and off.

4 year old minds are still not 100% in reality I would say. To me your DS sounds normal (for his age grin).

MadameDefarge Wed 21-Oct-09 12:21:52

The realisation that everybody dies hit my ds at about four, when he had been lifted for a there he was, half asleep, sitting on the toilet, wailing that he didn't want me to was heartwrenching but hysterical.

He also went through a phase of declaring he would leave and go and live alone when things weren't going his way...

joliejolie Wed 21-Oct-09 22:09:55

I am so relieved that I am not alone.
He is just so serious when he says it and I end up feel like cr*p (quite silly, I know)!

He was going on about a mean blue ghost in his room that wanted to kill him a few weeks ago, so maybe he is just going through a funny phase.

thesunshinesbrightly Wed 21-Oct-09 23:41:59

[skock] really?

I feel for you, i would try and get out of him why he is feeling like this and about the ghost in his room.

thesunshinesbrightly Wed 21-Oct-09 23:43:44

i meant shock

SolidGhoulBrass Wed 21-Oct-09 23:56:47

Kids around this age are not great with differentiating between fantasy and reality. It could well be a story or programme he's seen about sibling rivalry that he's hooked onto. It's probably best to give him lots of affection, let him know he can talk to you and yet not get too upset about it.
FWIW on a lighter note, my DS (5) insisted for several days that there was going to be a firework party in the school hall last Saturday - to the point where I asked the school secretary about it. Who looked at me blankly and said, no, we would have sent out notes and put up posters... DS also has a habit of telling strangers/acquaintances about his 'siblings' (he is an only child) - strangers usually cotton on when DS explains that his siblings came out of his tummy or that they are up on the celiing...

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