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Can I ask a question about affairs?

(31 Posts)
snafu Mon 13-Jun-05 15:56:31

Slightly concerned about posting this but I am curious. Is there anyone out there in MNland who is currently in a happy and successful relationship with someone that they actually left their previous partner for? i.e. did you have an affair that ended your marriage and then became a 'kosher' relationship, iyswim?

I'm not being judgemental at all or, for that matter, trying to justify 'bad behaviour'. I am just genuinely curious (some may say nosy ) given a couple of recent threads about affairs and their impact. I hope no-one's going to get offended by this. I guess I'm just wondering how often affairs do actually turn out to be 'the real thing'.

suzywong Mon 13-Jun-05 15:57:25

very good question

QueenFlounce Mon 13-Jun-05 16:01:48

Snafu - Don't know any!
My brief fling ended in me being caught and nearly losing DH (weren't actually married at the time). Unfortunately I don't think he's ever really trusted me since, that was 3 yrs ago. It does so much damage.... especially if you really DO want to resolve things.

hoxtonchick Mon 13-Jun-05 16:03:30

ummm, not sure about posting this, but yes, dp & i were both in relationships with other people when we got together. 6 years down the line we're very happy (mostly ), with a 3 year old & another baby due any day. in my case, the overlap wasn't very long at all, a couple of weeks, but i did feel very bad about it & split up with ex-boyf. as soon as possible. oh, & dp was my boss & is 9 years old than me - is that enough scandal?!

Fio2 Mon 13-Jun-05 16:04:51

my auntie is in a happy relationship with someone she had an affair with. Shes the only one i know of though out of many. And does she trust him? no

Fio2 Mon 13-Jun-05 16:06:14

I also think it is a bit different being young with no baggage (ie. no kids) or no 'other" commitments than being married with kiddies and then having diminished responsibilities

lemonice Mon 13-Jun-05 16:07:09

I met dp while i was still married. I was ill in hospital at the time (he wasn't)we just became friends and when it looked as though it could be more than that I told exh and left the same day.

I wouldn't have stayed with exh anyway for other reasons.

We met 6 years ago and have been living together for 5 and half years.

lemonice Mon 13-Jun-05 16:07:59

dp was single and not in a relationship

Mosschops30 Mon 13-Jun-05 16:08:58

Message withdrawn

lemonice Mon 13-Jun-05 16:08:58

and he doesn't have children

compo Mon 13-Jun-05 16:12:12

one of my friends is having an affair with a married man. He is on his 2nd mariage (the first broke down when he left her for his mistress). He has 2 young children with hs 2nd wife, who got pregnant whilst my friend's affair has been going (it's been going on for over three years now). He continually says he will leave his wife for her but never does, and she says even if he did she doubts he could ever be faithful given his history.

sweetmonkey Mon 13-Jun-05 16:32:52

my dad had an affair which he left my mum for. 8 years on my dad and his woman are still together and are still as happy and in love as when they first met , its great and she is a lovely person too!!

TwoAngels Mon 13-Jun-05 16:43:25

hands up here I started a relationship with someone (dp) 3 weeks before I ended it with exh and I am ashamed that I didn't have the guts to finish it earlier.... it wasn't because of dp that our marriage ended really but it gave me the courage to call it a day.... I thought if I can do this to exh I musn't love him.. so I ended it and me and dp have now been together 2 years and are happy

motherinferior Mon 13-Jun-05 16:44:16

HoxtonC, you minx.

Blu Mon 13-Jun-05 16:48:48

DP busted up his marriage for me - but though we had had a previous relationship together, we were not having an affair at the time he decided that I was The One, and broke up his marriage. I wouldn't have agreed to start our relationship again had he not already separated from his wife - I wanted to know that they were two separate processes, iyswim, and I wasn't the 'back-up'. The fact that he reamined faithful until he had actually split with his wife gives me a lot of confidence, too.

morningpaper Mon 13-Jun-05 16:48:56

Yes we were both married - I was in the process of getting a divorce anyway. He was very much married though.

No children though from previous marriages.

Having said that, it was f9cking terrible (I think affairs always are) and we hurt a lot of people (not least his poor wife) and I cannot justify what we did.

anchovies Mon 13-Jun-05 16:49:28

Dh and I were both in relationships when we got together, not married but living with our partners. Ended the relationships a few weeks in. Not the ideal start but we were both in agreement that our previous relationships were past help before we got together anyway.

Dh's dad is on his 3rd wife, 2nd wife was the affair he had whilst with the 1st and 3rd wife the affair he had whilst with the 2nd. Dh is sure he's now moving onto a 4th, quite scary (and very sad) considering how many children have been involved along the way.

hoxtonchick Mon 13-Jun-05 16:49:59

have i not bored you with that story before MI ?

ivy3 Mon 13-Jun-05 16:53:55

yes....although I don't usually shout about it and am not proud about what I did, although I know for certain it was absolutely the right thing to do.

I was living with my partner of 10 year and my now husband, had been married for 6 years. We had a (long-distance) affair and tried to end it a number of times...after a year we left our partners and came clean....a horrible horrible time. I did and still do feel very bad about what I did and the lies we both told. Now 6 years and two children later I can't image life without him. Yes I trust him and he trusts me. In another life we would have meet 10 years sooner.

gaelsgirl Mon 13-Jun-05 16:56:12

was in a relationship with someone else when i met my h. We have been together 17 years now, but struggling to stay as a couple atm. Don't think it is related to how we met though

Thomcat Mon 13-Jun-05 16:58:19

My mum!

She left my dad for my step-father. A few years on we're ALL so much happier and it's the best thing that ever happened to us as a family.

my mum and dadget on and see each other tues, wed, thurs when dad drop lottie off after nursery and they have tea together and my dad does the odd little job for my mum.

My dad is a happier man and loves his life and his freedom.

My stepfather is the most wonderful man I have ever met and i adore him so much it hurts soemtimes.

in turn I have a fab relationship with my stepbrother, we're really close and love each other loads and tell each other so all the time.

So yes!

gaelsgirl Mon 13-Jun-05 16:59:24

he was single and i was engaged and living with my ex p

OldieMum Mon 13-Jun-05 17:01:36

DH was married when I met him. His wife was having a relationship with another woman and he was desperately lonely and unhappy. She also went on to have a series of (overlapping) relationships with other women afterwards. I don't think one can generalise about affairs - much depends on the state of the marriage when it happens, surely?

Jayzmummy Mon 13-Jun-05 17:04:32

I was due to marry my BF when I bumped into my DH. I knew staright away that he was the man for me and that I was making a huge mistake if I carried on with my intended marriage.

I have known my DH since I was 8 and he had always fancied me but I looked on him more as a mate. The night we bumpesd into each other there was just something very special...a sort of spark between us.

I cancelled my wedding three weeks before the big day and did a runner to aviod the backlash. My DH contacted my parents to find out where I as and he came and found me.

16 years later and we are still together!!!!

ggglimpopo Mon 13-Jun-05 17:25:49

Message withdrawn

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