My OH and i separated 8 weeks before our ds1 was born and started over again after 3 years and many miles between us.
i think if you are to start again, you both need to have very honest discussions about what you expect from each other and what isnt acceptable. i say discussons because it will take more than one. you both need to be willing to completely open up to each other and address the issues you have had in the past, all of them. resolve them now and if you cant then you need to think seriously about whether you can be together with them unresolved.
it can work, but honesty is sooo important. and not just about where you were the night before, i mean about everything if something is on your mind about work, tell him. share it with him.
i cant stress that enough.
have a good think about what you want from him, the realtionship. what do you expect from him? what issues do you need to resolve? if it helps, write it all down. write down questions you need answered. ask him to do the same. if you are beginning again, then begin with a clean page. you both need to know exactly what you are entering into.
the distance will be good for you to think about all this and it eases the constant pressure of him being there wanting to know what you are thinking and vice versa.
good luck, if you take it slow and with a lot of thought and effort you can make this a succesful relationship.
I think once the trust has gone it must be very hard to start over. Not to said it can't be done, but I don't think I could personally do it. H and I temporarily tried to rebuild after an affair but I couldn't ever have got past it.
I sometimes think if it's really that much effort to make things work then it's probably not right.
Hi - posted a thread last night about this sort of thing. My experience was that no matter how hard I tried after my p was unfaithful I just couldn't feel what i used to and eventually after reconciling and even having another baby I had to call it a day. Hardest thing I have ever done.
Seriously, after a couple of years together it was like something in me switched off and I didn't really look at anyone else again. Wish the same could have been said for him. I think the disappointment of finding that out was what killed it all for me. It wasn't that I didn't trust him because he did everything to try and make it better - he just wasn't the person I thought he was, and I need someone stronger than that. Any tips on how to find one (as posted before!) when you are virtually housebound??