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How much do you & DH/DP socialise with other people as a couple? We barely do, are we freaks?

(17 Posts)
ilikeyoursleeves Tue 20-Oct-09 11:01:42

...I am thinking that we are quite odd because we NEVER socialise together, other than with DH's family. I would consider myself to be a friendly person and I am frequently out with friends who I know from school days, work, and mummy friends. I have 2 DS's and have met quite a few folks through the kids and tend to go out meeting people during the day / week.

DH has mates but he barely sees them any more. I don't drink so DH barely drinks now so he feels his world is quite different to his old mates now as they are still hitting the pub every week. He goes out to see gigs with some mates but that's on his own as I stay at home with the babies (DS2 exclusively BFing). Our lives just seem quite separate in terms of socialising.

It's been like this for years now and TBH doesn't always bother me but every now and then I think we should have people over at ours for a meal etc but DH seems to bauk at the idea. He isn't that outgoing with people he doesn't know well to the point he comes across as quite stand offish & rude so I don't think my mates jump at the chance of coming over. Plus my close friends aren't really in serious relationships so we can't really do the socialising with couples thing as usually my mates come over on their own. DH can't stand my family either so barely ever visits them with me and always has an excuse to go out when they come over (to be fair they are quite difficult and I would also like to not see them half the time but it does annoy me that he doesn't visit them to support me).

Whenever I've brought all this up we end up arguing as DH doesn't see anything wrong with the status quo. I just don't want my boys to grow up with people barely ever coming over to the house and thinking that mummy and daddy have no collective friends! I love staying in so think we have got into a rut of just enjoying each others company but do you think we sound a bit weird too? We have been together for 10 years and I can't remember the last time we went out with friends other than to a wedding or something.

Anyone else like this or have any advice for me? Thanks

4GHASTLYGHOULSandnotout Tue 20-Oct-09 11:04:15

We never socialise as a couple blush we don't have any friends that come to the house, just friends who i talk to at school gates or down the social club if we go to quiz nights with the whole family. I don't see anything wrong with it tbh, we just prefer our own company or doing things as a family.

Ewe Tue 20-Oct-09 11:06:08

We socialise quite a lot but mostly with our separate groups of friends. We often go out together with friends for lunch/early supper but rarely in the evenings - we need each other to look after DD!

thatsnotmymonster Tue 20-Oct-09 11:08:39

We rarely do either. We very occasiobally do something together but not with other people.

I socialise a lot now, both during the day with dcs and in the evenings. Dh hardly ever does.

Having children and no babysitters does make it difficult.

SolidGhoulBrass Tue 20-Oct-09 11:09:56

WHy do you want to socialise as a couple? Is it just because you think other people will judge? FWIW couple-only socialising is my idea of hell and was even in the days when I used to engage occasionally in couplehood. Why should a person be expected to be friends with, not just a partner's mates, but the partner's mates' partners?
It works well enough if all of you are total herd animals, I suppose, and all have the same (non)-interests like, er, shopping and watching the telly, but otherwise at any such gathering about half the people are going to be bored shitless.
Just do what works for you and don't worry about what other people might be thinking, THey;re probably not thinking anything in particular anyway.

beanie35 Tue 20-Oct-09 11:15:55

I think its rare that both partners of other couples are equally likeable, its very common to like one but dislike the other. Why put yourself through it IMO. If you're both happy, carry on as you are. Can't think of anything worse than being stuck with people for the evening if you don't want to be.

Lizzylou Tue 20-Oct-09 11:16:27

We do a little bit more nowadays, we socialise far more seperately, which we both enjoy.
To be honest if we have a babysitter and we are going out on a "couples" evening, I often wish it was just DH and I having a nice meal or whatever, instead of a couples thing.
I miss us going out just the two of us, catching up and having a laugh.
Thats a bit sad, isn't it?

brimfull Tue 20-Oct-09 11:17:53

well we do both
have friends for dinner
go to pub with friends
go to parties together
and we both socialise with out own friends

whatever makes you happy

ginnny Tue 20-Oct-09 11:18:38

Over the years DP and I have become like this.
We have only 1 couple we are friends with, and that is my best friend and her dh. Luckily DP and her dh get on well, but DP says he still thinks of them as 'my' friends and not his.
He has his friends and I have mine and the two don't mix. Most of his friends are what I call blokey blokes who go to the pub and talk about work/football/rubbish whereas the majority of my friends are either single or have dc so usually have to take turns with babysitting.
We do go out together quite a lot though but we prefer to go out on our own.
Nothing wrong with it - I think its healthy to have your own social life, I'd hate to be joined at the hip.

ZZZenAgain Tue 20-Oct-09 11:20:33

well dh is the king of social life anyway, I'm the one who drags her heels at times. If it was up to him, we'd be on a non-stop rollercoaster, constantly inundated by people of all ages with their attendant grandmothers, nieces, neighbours etc

I stop all of that

we socialise in groups which I prefer, I don't like just us and another couple tbh

problemsproblemsproblems Tue 20-Oct-09 11:24:30

We have very little joint social life n ow, I just do things with my friends as dh just not interested.

TheArmadillo Tue 20-Oct-09 11:25:07

we do about 50/50

We have our own friends and obviously if we want to go out in evening then one of us has to stay behind. Or one of us will go out for day and leave other with ds.

However we also go out in day (with ds usually) or have people round and socialise as a couple.

I sometimes want to see friends by myself and dp feels the same. But I can't imagine never socialising with him.

I think whatever works for you. But if it's not working for you then you need to discuss it.

suecy Tue 20-Oct-09 11:25:34

We do all possible perms of socialising, although I am the driving force behind most of it.

I see my friends on my own quite often for girlie evenings, DH occasionally sees his. We also do have a small number of couples over for dinner one at a time - probably 6 or so - where we know all parties will get on equally.

And we do also have larger numbers of mixed sex and single/couples get togethers - mainly friends from uni who i've known for 20 years.

We also have a sitter and go out just the 2 of us sometimes.

This makes me sound like I'm never in, but I am a lot. i agree though that having another couple over for dinner only works if you all get on equally, or if you can come up with games or an event to make sure conversation flows anyway and no one feels uncomfortable.

wannaBe Tue 20-Oct-09 11:30:18

We never socialize as a couple.

Dh works in London, so consequently all his friends are in London so he will occasionally go out with them.

I don't have any friends.

allthatjazz Wed 21-Oct-09 16:01:23

dp and i go out as a couple quite a lot but i love going out my friends and i would hate it if he came too. i think he feels more or less the same tbh.

Malificence Wed 21-Oct-09 16:15:10

We go out as a couple, the cinema, meals out, NT properties and to things like family meals etc. There's nothing I hate more than sitting wasting money in a pub.
I have no friends, at all, that's just me and how I like it, if I get invited out to work do's etc. my hubby always encourages me to go but I'm not the sociable type.
We did have a great social life when he was in the Air force but he vary rarely goes out without me any more either. The last time he went anywhere without me was to Aston Martin with his dad and then he rang me and said he'd wished I'd come with him.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Wed 21-Oct-09 16:26:12

I'll be your friend WannaBe wink.

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