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IS IT ODD FOR MAN NOT TO WANT CHILDREN?!

(23 Posts)
QUESTY Mon 13-Jun-05 12:17:34

Just that I have never met any, they all seem so keen. Anyone know any different.

colditz Mon 13-Jun-05 12:18:35

No, no men. i know a 25 year old woman who is trying to get herself sterilised as she really doesn't want kids!

Guardianangel Mon 13-Jun-05 12:21:50

Yeah, lots of women I know and that doesnt seem strange to me in this day and age, but blokes always seem to carry on the line regardless of their circumstances (financial or otherwise).

QueenFlounce Mon 13-Jun-05 12:24:46

My friends DP is 32. She is 28 and desperately wants children. He has point blank refused... says he'll think about it in 10 yrs. Shes devastated . They've been together and lived together for 5yrs.

ninah Mon 13-Jun-05 12:26:06

I never wanted kids when I was 25 tho ...

expatinscotland Mon 13-Jun-05 12:29:20

Queen
Tell her to get out NOW. I was married to a man who didn't want kids. And so I believed him and we divorced. 4 years on, I'm happily remarried and pregnant with no. 2. The ex is 38 and has had a vasectomy - no kids. When they say that and they're over 30, believe them! Cut your losses and find someone who does want them.

After my divorce, I met LOADS of men (all in their mid-30s and up) who never wanted kids. Then I dated a man who was 39, childless, and said we'd need years 'to plan' for a child. So I thought of a plan I could put into action immediately: I left him.

I left the country and met a man (now DH) who wanted kids.

Fio2 Mon 13-Jun-05 12:31:37

yes i know lots of men in my own family who dont want kids

compo Mon 13-Jun-05 12:32:03

A lot of dh's friends don't want children. One who is 29 has gone as far as having a vasectomy (he is married and his wife doesn't want them either). Another doesn't want them and atm his wife doesn't either - she knew he didn't when she married him. She told him she couldn't categorically say she would never want children and he wasn't prepared to lose her so maybe if she changes her mind he might change his.

compo Mon 13-Jun-05 12:32:56

expat - did you know your ex didn't want kids all along then? Did you change your mind after you married him? That must have been awful.

ninah Mon 13-Jun-05 12:33:02

kind of agree with expat. your friend could conceive at 38, but it's all a bit lukewarm on his part ...
Mind you the main thing that changed my mind about children was meeting dp at age 34 ..

expatinscotland Mon 13-Jun-05 12:37:04

When I married my ex we were both in our early 20s. We didn't even discuss having kids. It was one of those 'in the future' things. We were more concerned with backpacking around Asia and climbing mountains.

As the years passed, however, and I reached my late 20s, he got more and more into high-altitude mountaineering and came to the conclusion this wasn't compatible with parenting. I realised I wanted a family.

It was a distressing time, but better for the both of us. He remarried a woman who never wanted kids and had been sterilised at 30 long before she met him. I remarried a family man. And we're all much happier.

ninah Mon 13-Jun-05 12:39:51

I was the opposite expat. Married a man desperate for children, only I never realised til after our wedding day and it was a case of, right, now then .. he was a bit older than I was, in my 20's I had no interest at all in children wanted to be out partying and painting.
Caused lots of arguments, I really couldn't see where he was coming from

compo Mon 13-Jun-05 12:40:08

glad everything worked out okay

charleepeters Mon 13-Jun-05 12:44:01

my step father never wanted kids of his own and he says he never will hes now in his late 30's so there must be some out there.

bootsmonkey Mon 13-Jun-05 13:46:21

My DH never wanted kids, I was never really bothered till I got past 30 & the old clock started ticking. I gave him an ultimatum (!) and we have a beautiful 3yo DD. He does feel he was bullied into it and it makes the chances of a 2nd VERY remote..........

bootsmonkey Mon 13-Jun-05 13:47:09

Shame, 'cos I am just getting my head around having another...

Guardianangel Mon 13-Jun-05 13:48:28

BM why didnt he want kids

bootsmonkey Mon 13-Jun-05 14:04:15

They just never figured in his life plan. He had no desire to be a father. Having said that he is an excellent father, and is very good and patient with our DD and was the primary carer up until recently. Still says he never wanted to be a daddy, but wouldn't be without her now....

AnotherHelen Mon 13-Jun-05 14:09:56

Yes!! my fella!! we neither of us wanted kids really until our ds 'happened' and he was shortly followed by ds2 and now we are expecting d? in september - im glad our little ds1 mistake happened as they are all my life and i love them to bits! but dp still reckons he 'doesnt do kids' i remind him of this when he is rolling around the floor playing with both sons (4 and 2) and giggling like a 5 year-old!!! xx

sandyballs Mon 13-Jun-05 14:17:10

My best friend's DH doesn't want kids - he just hates the thought of sharing her, he's quite a demanding guy emotionally and wants her all to himself. I think seeing how our life has changed since the arrival of our twins (now 4) has made him even more determined . He constantly focuses on the negative side of family life rather than any good points.

I find it rather strange and I wouldn't have got into a serious relationship with a guy that didn't want kids - I met DH when we were both 18 and kids were always part of our future.

stressedmummy Mon 13-Jun-05 14:49:42

My H didn't want any kids.

triceratops Mon 13-Jun-05 15:50:58

dh asked me to marry him on the condition that I understood that he never wanted any children. I agreed as at 23 I could not imagine being a mum. We accidentally conceived ds when I was 30. It took dh about a month after he was born to fall in love with him and it was dh who insisted that we have another. He now says that live without children was pointless and he is hugely glad that fate stepped in and stopped us making a big mistake.

haven Mon 13-Jun-05 15:53:20

dh surely didn't want children. but then again at the time he was only 25. i didn't want children either before having dd. it is hard i think for some (pre-child) to understand the feeling you get from having children. i didn't even get it. after having ds though, dh knows now what i was talking about. all through my pg dh and i would fight, and he would say the ugliest things about the baby, but now he would trade him for the world...

having a child is giving up yourself first, and lots of people don't want to have to do that.

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