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I feel like the black sheep of my family

(8 Posts)
theblacksheep Mon 19-Oct-09 09:27:00

I don't identify with my family at all and I was wondering if anyone else feels the same. Generally I am not accepted in my family because I have not done what they wanted me to do.

But also, as I've got older I have found myself quite horrified by what I perceive as their totally unprincipled behaviour. My parents are racist, homophobic and very intolerant of others and frequently express offensive comments. They have defrauded the council and think that because they have lost money in the past, they are entitled to do so. I find it all very strange and somehow also as if I am not one of them because I think differently.

Now, I know I am not perfect! But I think as a child you don't realise what your family are actually like, and of course, you can't choose your family.

I feel so isolated though sad Anyone else in a similar situation?

TheArmadillo Mon 19-Oct-09 09:30:52

I know what you mean in that I am a disapointment to my family and don't feel like part of the family. Partly because I don't agree with their views and the things they do and partly because they see me as odd.

It is isolating. Especially at family events and stuff. And that they don't know what I'm like or what I'm into.

I also have a lot of problems with my family (well documented on here) which doesn't help.

I luckily get on very well with my dp's family and they are very supportive of me. That is my saving. Otherwise I'm not sure how I'd cope. But it's not the same.

theblacksheep Mon 19-Oct-09 09:35:03

Yes, my family think I am odd too!

PixiNanny Mon 19-Oct-09 09:39:01

Oo, I know how you feel about different beliefs! Not so much about being the black sheep though But my Dad is really homophobic and anti-religion sometimes (but it is pretty much how he was brought up, he's Iranian and being gay is punishable by death over there, and well, he was forced into religion and now despises it) but what gets me is that my Mum always seemed quite open about everything but is still disappointed in me for being bisexual! I told her accidentally when I was 16 and I think she thought that I'd grow out of it, but she worked out a few weeks ago that I hadn't and isn't impressed!

LadyoftheBathtub Mon 19-Oct-09 09:48:19

You don't fit in with your family, but that doesn't make you a black sheep. They don't sound great tbh! So if you've turned out differently, all to the good.

I think one of the great pressures in society is to value "family" highly, and to have some kind of innate loyalty to people "because after all they are your dad/mum/sister" etc. I've always thought this is daft and deeply unfair on anyone whose family members are unreasonable or even if you just plain don't like them. Why should you? I cut off contact with my dad wen I was relatively young (his behaviour was so off the scale outrageous, this wasn't such a hard decision) and have never regretted it. So I've kind of let go of that "but it's family" concept. So what? Be proud of who you are and focus on friendships and relationships instead.

Avendesora Mon 19-Oct-09 10:24:20

Turn it around, in your head, so that its them that dont fit in with you and your family.

theblacksheep Mon 19-Oct-09 10:59:23

Thanks for replies. I am glad I am not the only one who has experienced this. Ladyofthebathtub, I do agree - and this social stigma allows family members to think they can inflict abuse which one would never put up with from a friend/acquaintance...

bluecandle Mon 19-Oct-09 14:59:37

Me too! I remember thinking to myself many many years ago when i was still at home how odd it was that i was actually a part of this family as I didn't share any of their values/beliefs (money mad, racist, superiority complex). I cut ties with my parents over 3 years ago and whilst it has been hard as it brought up a load of emotional stuff i had suppressed until then, I have never regretted it and only wish I had had the guts to do it far sooner than i actually did.

And you're right about the abuse point, i put up with appalling, abusive treatment from all my family which, if it had been anyone else, i would have not tolerated.

I was born into the wrong family, I suppose, we never did 'fit' and after years of trying, i gave up the struggle and feel so much better for it.

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