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I'd finally decided I wanted to end the marriage and discovered I am pg today. Scared, no idea what to do now.

(16 Posts)
nowwhatdoido Sat 17-Oct-09 23:43:29

Briefly - been together for 14 years, married for 8, have three children. Things have been bad for a couple of years, and I had finally decided that I wanted the marriage to end.

Not actually said anything to him yet, waiting for the right time to talk to him about it. Today, I find out I am pregnant. Totally shocked. We had sex once in the last month, very reluctantly on my part - I laid there in the dark with tears rolling down my face.

I have no idea what I'm going to do now. I haven't told him yet. I don't know whether I want to keep the baby. I know I don't want to stay with him. I just can't. Not a clue what to do now.

Would really appreciate talking this through with people please. Am going to sleep now, will be around tommorrow.

jasper Sun 18-Oct-09 00:11:33

Take your time.
Do not rush into any hasty decisions.
Talk it through with your best friends

shabbapinkfrog Sun 18-Oct-09 00:34:53

Oh sweetheart - take a little while to think about all your options - if it helps write down the pros and cons of having your baby. Life is utter shite at times. Sending much love and hugs xxx I have 'walked in your shoes' a couple of times and can understand your post xxx

TheOldestCat Sun 18-Oct-09 00:36:26

Sorry you are having such a hard time.

Agree with Jasper and shabba... - do not rush into anything. Who can you talk to in real life?

I hope a night's sleep helps at least.

shabbapinkfrog Sun 18-Oct-09 00:38:36

Only two true sayings in life - 'what goes around, comes around' and 'Ce Sera Sera - whatever will be...will be' xxxx

1dilemma Sun 18-Oct-09 00:48:19

sorry I have nothing useful to say
please be kind to yourself and take some time

shabbapinkfrog Sun 18-Oct-09 00:49:49

Dilemma - the words you have said mean everything....

6feetundertheGroundhogs Sun 18-Oct-09 01:09:19

Sleep on it tonight, nothing will change tonight. Take care of you and speak to nearest and dearest if you feel you can.

Sending warmth and love your way too.

lilacclaire Sun 18-Oct-09 01:26:23

I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after leaving the ex.
I still didn't go back, despite him wanting me to because of the baby.
Best decision I ever made.

Because of this he made me have a dna test, very humiliating, but still worth it.

No relationship is better than a bad relationship imo.

nowwhatdoido Sun 18-Oct-09 09:06:11

Thanks everyone. I have a couple of good friends I can talk to, tommorrow hopefully. No family support, but good friends.

I was just getting my head around being a lone parent of three ( all nearly school age ) children. Doing it with a baby too? I just don't know.

He's not a bad man, but there is absolutely no love there anymore, if I were to stay with him, it would be a loveless lonely marriage, and my children deserve more than that, because I am miserable when I'm with him and they can sense that.

I know he would stay close by, see them regularly and support them. But how unfair would it be to bring a baby into this?

clam Sun 18-Oct-09 10:25:51

Well, remember that the baby wouldn't know any different. And its lifestyle would be the same as your other DCs.

Look, you're in shock. Just take some time (a few days/a couple of weeks) and let the news sink in.

Gradually, you'll find that what you want to do becomes more clear.

What do you think your H will say? Will he have strong opinions one way or the other as to our course of action?

megmums Sun 18-Oct-09 20:16:09

Definately take your time, no need to rush into a decision. Have you spoken to your friends? I'm sure they will be full of good advice. Thinking of you.

nowwhatdoido Sun 18-Oct-09 20:56:24

Spent the day at home with H and the children, feel like I'm on hold. He is at work tommorrow, children in school, so I will have some space to think and talk to my friend.

I have been thinking all day about termination, reading old threads, finding out who I need to phone etc

I'm not saying this is what I'm going to do, but it's definately at the front of my mind right now.

ninah Sun 18-Oct-09 21:02:25

to bring a baby into this
in a way it would be easier for the baby than your other dc as no comparisons
I left ex when dd was a few months old and she is v happy and settled, whereas ds was much more affected
Sounds like you should stick to your decision to end your marriage but take time to decide what to do re pregnancy

nowwhatdoido Thu 22-Oct-09 16:09:24

Okay, a few days down the line. I told him on
Tuesday that I am pregnant, which opened up the floodgates and I told him exactly how unhappy I am in the marriage.

He is in shock on both counts I think. He knew that we hadn't been getting on, but he didn't realise how bad it was.

He's basically reacted exactly how I thought he would. He says I should have a termination and that we should just accept the situation in the marriage and get on with it. I said I couldn't accept the situation anymore. I told him how unhappy I am, how frustrated with his lack of emotion, affection and communication.

In the meantime, I am really struggling with the thought of terminating the pregnancy. I know deep down that it is not what I want, and I don't think I can do it.

I've spoken to a couple of good friends who have said they will help and support me in whatever I decide to do.

H and I have a lot more talking to do, which he is hopeless at. I'm not really any closer to making any decisions about anything, not helped by the fact that I have morning sickness already and feel horrible. But atleast everything is out in the open now and it's still very early days. I'm still only 4 and a half weeks pg, and the last few days seem like a lifetime already. A lot can happen in a few days. It's half term now, and he has some time off work, which I am half dreading, half hoping that spending time together as a family might make things clearer.

BecauseImWorthIt Thu 22-Oct-09 16:25:02

Have you had or considered having counselling together? If he's hopeless opening up to you it might help him if there is someone more neutral who can talk to him and help you both communicate.

So sorry for you.

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