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Help!! The gren eyes monster!

9 replies

Vic85 · 16/10/2009 14:49

Hello

I am officially new to Mumsnet though I have enjoyed exploring the site for some time. People on here seem really helpful so I just thought I'd run a problem passed you to see if people could offer any help/advice.

I have been seeing a guy for a few months, we met in June and its going really well. Its the first relationship I have had for a while as I have a young son and wanted to devote all my spare time to him. My boyfriend is really kind and caring, and my son really likes him. What's more he is not the most confident of children and my boyfriend has really helped bring him out of himself and give him some confidence.

The problem is that my b/f is a wrestler and I am getting more and more jealous of the attention my b/f gets from other girls/women.
He wrestles all round the country and he puts in loads of commitment into it with all the training and travelling. He really enjoys the life and says he likes the attention, although he claims not to take it seriously. Apparently he wouldnt be doing his job properly if he wasnt making women take notice! He explained this is something that just goes with the turf which I do accept on one level, but it still bothers me and its got to the stage of causing me stress when he is away doing his wrestling. I dnt think he understands how much it bothers me.

I have not really explained to him how I feel as I dont want it to become a problem and this is something that he did long before he met me. I am very proud of him and really respect him for achieving something.

Any advice very gratefully received!

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Avendesora · 16/10/2009 16:52

How old is he?

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SheWillBeLoved · 16/10/2009 17:35

You either trust him, or you don't. If you do, then continue to support him and know that it is you he is coming home to, not some skank throwing her musky thong from the crowd. If you don't, then call a day on it sooner rather than later before not only you/him get hurt - but you're son too.

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SheWillBeLoved · 16/10/2009 17:36

your*

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Lulumama · 16/10/2009 17:38

i thikn that this will be a recurring theme in your relationship that will keep rearing its head

it is a problem to you, or you would not be posting about it

unless he is going to give up his sport, this issue is going to always be there

and if it is a problem now, i am sure it will be for the future

you do need to talk about him though and see if he reassures you and if you feel that he is taking on board your feelings

are you always going to feel you need to check up on him? are you going to be constatnly worried he is cheating?

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Vic85 · 16/10/2009 18:23

Hi

God many thanks for the replies, want expecting such a response! I do feel it would be better to try and talk seriously with him about it. My concern by doing this is that I turn it into a larger problem and eventually end up driving him away. Its not that I dont trust him, I know what some women can be like and he's in an environment where temptation will always be there. I think he just looks at it like its a job which I suppose it is.

He's 24 and I suppose its still very early days in our relationship so to start laying this on him now is something I am worried about.

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poshsinglemum · 16/10/2009 18:32

Please try not to let this jealousy ruin your relationship. As long as he isn't flinging himself at the ladies.
The thing is- can YOU handle him and his ''career''. If not mabe find someone with a more conventional lifestyle.

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Vic85 · 16/10/2009 18:43

Many thanks posh for your message. No he's not flinging himself at any women, its not his style. Out of the ring, he's quiet and shy until you get to know him. Oh and your so right about the destrutive consequences of jealousy which is why I am really concerned about mentioning it to him, especially as we have only been seeing each other for a few months.

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Avendesora · 16/10/2009 19:43

24 is young and he will have years in a business where women find him attractive in a spot light kind of way. If you want a relationship with him and cant deal with it then its going to be a problem. I was hoping you would say he is late thirties and then of course it would only be a problem for a short while. I suppose you must decide if you can handle it, deal with it and overcome it, or perhaps if you cant and dont want to live with the feelings. You are still early enough in the relationship that you can make a 'make or break' decision. I would find it very hard. Try and think how you would feel in a few years if you had another baby and were not feeling very confident and he was away a lot as his career has taken off. Or perhaps how you can turn your jealousy into a productive feeling, like feeling proud of him, and deal with it.

Sorry, probably not very helpful. You sound very sensible and aware, so I suspect you will know what to do/how to deal with it.

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Vic85 · 17/10/2009 00:00

Thank you Avend for your wise words. I am really proud of him and am so lucky to have met him. I had a really bad time with my ex and lost a lot of confidence so I never thought I would find a kind, caring and superfit guy. I think it might well be a case of playing it by ear and seeing how things pan out. As I said its still early days and the last thing I want to do is drive him away.

I am going to see him wrestle tomorrow which is the first time in a while as my son normally keeps me busy on an evening and weekend. So using any negative feelings as positively as I can is I think good advice