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Sad that my DF has no time for my DC but all the time in the world for his step DGC...

(3 Posts)
Flyonthewindscreen Fri 16-Oct-09 12:58:51

In brief, my DM died when I was 11 and my DF got together with my now SM when I was 18 and married her a few years later. SM was also a widow with grown up children. I was genuinely pleased (and still am) that my DF has got someone to share his life with and not a lonely old man. However I have always found my SM a difficult person to get on with. One of my main problems with her is that I have found her manipulative with this knack of making me always look in the wrong.

Anyway, I am now 38, happily married with 2 DC and living a 2 hour drive away from DF and SM. Myself and DF/SM have on the surface a friendly relationship. DF and SM have one of her grown up DDs living with them, another DD lives with her DC very nearby and the grown up DSs of SM's third DD (who lives overseas) are students and often stay with them. DF and SM's whole life revolves around her DC and DGC.

The last two occasions that me, DH and our DC have seen DF/SM were when we went to visit them (in June and August). DF has been saying for ages that he would love to come up and see our DC come out of school, as he gets to do that with his step DGC all the time. I keep saying that would be lovely, just say when. Now SM has just been on the phone asking me to come and visit over half term. I was polite but non committal, I don't see why we should go to visit them for the third time on the row when my DF spends his whole life chasing around after his step DGC and can't be bothered to visit mine.

This is not a go at my SM btw. I think it is up to my DF to make a bit of effort with his own family. I was going to post this on AIBU but realised there was no point as I know I am BU. Just wanted to vent...

womblemeister Fri 16-Oct-09 13:44:51

i also have an SM and some of your post rings true with me. They will do everything to further their own DCs interests and it sometimes feels like it is at the expense of yours.

Fathers as opposed to mothers sometimes need things spelt out in black and white. try asking him to come over on X day at X time because the GC would love to see him. bet it works.

Flyonthewindscreen Fri 16-Oct-09 14:23:44

Thanks Womblemeister, I should probably have done that and been more forceful with asking DF to make a definate date. Sadly now I've left it too late and it is all going to be about SM pressuring me re visiting them at halfterm and me looking like the nasty uncaring DD if I don't go...

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