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Relationships

My Job? Your opinions please?

37 replies

heron22 · 16/10/2009 09:31

Hi All

I am a stay at home mum of 2 DC, one school age and one baby.

DH said the other day that the children and home is my "job", like taking DC to school is my "job".

I felt offended when he put it that way.

Would you be? I feel very unhappy with what he said.

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Knickers0nMaHead · 16/10/2009 09:32

Dp says this to me all the time. I just let it go over my head now.

It is a job in a way.

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cookinmama · 16/10/2009 09:34

Have you asked him to start paying you a salary then?

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heron22 · 16/10/2009 09:34

did it upset you at first?

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heron22 · 16/10/2009 09:34

No, i dont get paid salary !

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Fufulina · 16/10/2009 09:35

Hi heron22 each to their own but that's how I refer to it at the moment! I'm on mat leave with DD and during the week from 8 until 7.30 (when DH is out of the house at work) then running the house and looking after DD is my job. When we're both in the house, we both do what needs doing. But - I try to make sure that most chores and what have you are done during the week so that weekends are purely for family time. But I only have 1!

He works outside the home - I work in it. IYSWIM.

What offended you about it?

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HolidaysQueen · 16/10/2009 09:36

But it is your job. If you have given up working outside the home, it is surely because you want to 'work' inside the home. So yes, it is your 'job'. But it is also a vocation, done with love etc. in the way that many jobs outside the home aren't.

Why are you unhappy with what he said? It's just a word. At least he knows you have a job rather than thinking you don't do work at all which a lot of dads of SAHM seem to think...

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flowerybeanbag · 16/10/2009 09:37

You quite often see people on here complaining because someone has said that being a SAHM isn't a job! Your DH can't win!

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Knickers0nMaHead · 16/10/2009 09:37

Tbh, I can't say I did.

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HolidaysQueen · 16/10/2009 09:38

i meant 'husbands of SAHM' of course...

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heron22 · 16/10/2009 09:38

well i got offended because i asked him to take DC to school and he said he wants to lie in and it is my job so i should do it

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Alibooobaandthe40phantoms · 16/10/2009 09:39

Well it is a job really, isn't it? The tasks are divided between you and DH, he is in employment to bring in the money necessary to run the household. Your half is to run the house and look after the children.

Now that's not to say that he should do nothing to help you in the evenings and at the weekends - in our house things are split 50/50 when DH is at home, and when he's at work I do it all.

Cookinmama - what a bizarre comment. DH earns money for us, as a family. That money is as much mine as it is his.

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cookinmama · 16/10/2009 09:39

well if it's your job surely he should be paying you and until such time as he does he should help. I don't think that men realise that if you are a sahm there is no respite and even less if your DH sees it all as your job. Fair enough 9 - 5 it is your job as there is noone else to do it but once he is home it should be more of a split. (having said that I work 3 days and I think DH still thinks anything to do with the DC is my job - and no i don't get paid either!)

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hatwoman · 16/10/2009 09:39

did he say it meaning it's your job or your job? iyswim. ie did he mean that it's your responsibility, all of it, not his. or did he mean that it's like a job with comparable challenges, a similar/greater work load, something you have to do everyday? if the former then I would have been annoyed. if the latter then it's too hard to say - would depend on how he meant it. dismissively? or with respect? does he think it's a rubbish job or a good one? a hard one or an easy one? too many variables to say if it would have annoyed me.

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heron22 · 16/10/2009 09:39

that is a good point lots of DH dont think being a mum means not doing any work...

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mumblechum · 16/10/2009 09:40

Would you rather he described you as unemployed?

If you have the luxury of not having to go out to work to earn a living on top of doing the housework, cooking etc then tbh, yes, the childcare and housework is your job.

If you were the one going out to work fulltime, and he was at home, you'd surely expect him to get on with his "job".

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Alibooobaandthe40phantoms · 16/10/2009 09:41

Right ok, stealth reveal OP - that's bad form.

So is your DH at work today?

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TrillianSlasher · 16/10/2009 09:42

It sounds like he is acknowledging that what you do all day is work, not sit around eating chocolate biscuits.

Hatwoman has a good point, there's a difference between saying it is "a job" and saying that everything in the house is your responsibility.

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hatwoman · 16/10/2009 09:42

ooo just seen the thing about taking them to school - that would definitely annoy me. during the time when he's not at work then stuff that needs doing at home should be shared (on the basis that when he is at work you're working too - anything that needs doing when he's not at work needs splitting)

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cookinmama · 16/10/2009 09:43

Not bizarre Ali as quite often sahm's seem to have no cash of their own as it is the DH that works and controls the cash. I am not saying that happens in all cases but it is definitely happening in a lot of relationships.

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TrillianSlasher · 16/10/2009 09:43

But if he is working a full time job but on a later shift, for example, then I think maybe the OP should take the children to school.

We need more info.

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Alibooobaandthe40phantoms · 16/10/2009 09:44

Trillian we do indeed need more info, can't stand a drip feed like this.

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heron22 · 16/10/2009 09:46

DH has day off today from work.

when he is at work i do it all. during the weekends, well, he goes out for half a day cycling.

when he said it is my "job" he said it in a defensive way i think. in response to me telling him he should take DC to school tomorrow morning.

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MamaG · 16/10/2009 09:47

I refer to being SAHM as my job and it doesn't bother me at all. It IS my job, its as much a valuable contribution to our family life as DH's money-earning is!

We're a bit unusual in that over our years as parents we have:

me work FT, DH SAHD

me work MTW, DH work TF

DH work FT, me SAHM (now)

so DH knows what its like to be the one at home.

That said, I do do 99% of all the chores/kids stuff. It really isn't that difficult to keep a house clean when you've got 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to do it, notwithstanding having 3 children. I do get irritated by the "but I've got 2 children to look after, DH you MUST do half the housework, I don't get paid blah blah blah" mob. Stop being so bloody lazy, think I.

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WoTmania · 16/10/2009 09:47

I am SAHM, I gave up work to look after my children. I spend 9-10 hours a day with the children DH spends 9-10 hours a day at work. When he comes home he has a cup of tea and then I expect him to help with childcare/tidying/whatever needs doing. If he is around he helps as he can leave work I never get way from my 'job' (i.e looking after 3 preschoolers.)

Incidentally, I am a SAHM not a housewife. My job is looking after our children, any housework that gets done is a bonus. I do however do all the cooking.

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WoTmania · 16/10/2009 09:49

Maybe your DC would enjoy being taken to school by Dad rather than you?

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