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Do you feel this is a fair compromise?

(31 Posts)
SpoonCollector Fri 16-Oct-09 09:13:09

My Husband has a get together going on today with his friends and their wives. It was a big group event but we are all unwell including my husband but he still wants to go, which is fine, I do not want to stop him. However, I am very ill and I have 2 small children here who are ill too.

The plan was we stay overnight in the Hotel. One of our friends and his girlfriend are returning around 6pm as they have a small baby and do not wish to do the over night stay of the event.

I suggested to my Husband that he could go to the event (he will be leaving in a few minutes, it really is all day) and have the swanky lunch, a few drinks, go the the planned afternoon but asked if he would consider coming home with the friend at 6pm as we are all unwell.

He has refused,

So I will just have to deal with all the ill childen tonight alone.

Perhaps I am being totally out of order asking this but I really don't know!

Knickers0nMaHead Fri 16-Oct-09 09:14:58

He should come home with your other friends at 6pm. He is being selfish.

Alibooobaandthe40phantoms Fri 16-Oct-09 09:16:09

Your husband is being a twat.

SpoonCollector Fri 16-Oct-09 09:17:43

Hmmm, well, at least I know that now

I really doubt he will come home, I might ask my Mother to mind my eldest for me.

Thankou.

upahill Fri 16-Oct-09 09:18:36

I think it is a reasonable request from you.

I have been in similiar situations and my husband has refused to go to an event no matter how much he was looking forward to it. In his opinion we stick together and if I'm not there to enjoy it with him it's not worth going. We lost out on a couple of hundred pounds on a room that was booked but he said we come first. So like I said from my expierence I think you are being quite reasonable.

4littlelions Fri 16-Oct-09 10:49:19

Question - would he do the same for you? That is look after the kids when you are ill. If he would let him go and don't make a big issue of it

mankymummymoo Fri 16-Oct-09 10:52:16

Well how often does he get the chance to go out to something like this?

Sorry to go against the grain, but you are choosing to stay at home rather than all go together so you can both deal with ill kids.

Maybe you can compromise that he has the kids at some specified time over the weekend on his own to give you a break?

6feetundertheGroundhogs Fri 16-Oct-09 11:01:17

he's going for the whole DAY FGS!

Whatever happened to in sickness and bloody health?

It's not like you're asking him to come back after an hour, and it's not like your doing it just cos you don't want him to be away all day. You're really ill FGS.

He's being outrageously unreasonable.

Take to your bed ALL weekend, go on flaming strike and leave everything to him if he doesn't do the decent thing and come home with the others at 6pm.

thetattooedmagpie Fri 16-Oct-09 11:04:00

I wouldn't be cross if my DP did this. You are going to have a bad weekend anyway - so why should both of you have a bad time ?

I'd agree but in return ask that he looks after the kids for a weekend so you can do something you want to do when you are feeling better.

mankymummymoo Fri 16-Oct-09 11:15:27

Well how ill is everyone?

If OP is too ill to look after kids, he shouldnt go at all.

If OP is well enough to look after the kids, despite it being horrible having to do it on your own, if its a rare or one off thing I dont see the problem.

catsmother Fri 16-Oct-09 14:41:20

FFS ..... the whole family is arguably ill, but DH isn't actually that ill, or, eagerly anticipated or not, he wouldn't be going.

As he is going, (presumably has long gone by now) and would therefore enjoy several hours of fun with only himself to think of while ill OP cares for ill kids, then it's only fair he comes back at 6pm to ease her burden.

Fact is if he's going out - and OP has been kind enough to offer a compromise rather than insist he doesn't go at all - he can't be feeling as awful as her, and he should stop being so bloody selfish and grow up.

mankymummymoo Fri 16-Oct-09 15:09:39

Still depends how ill everyone is though - personally i wouldnt want to spoil a rare night away from the kids for DP unless I was extremely ill or the kids were very, very ill.

Also, how do you know he hasnt volunteered to give her a break tomorrow or has been looking after the kids all week too?

diddl Fri 16-Oct-09 15:37:04

I think he should be aiming to be home for 9/10 at least.

I think he´s really selfish to stay the night, tbh.

Then it´ll be a late breakfast the next morning, maybe dragging it out until lunch...

MorrisZapp Fri 16-Oct-09 15:42:54

I dunno. I don't have kids but I can't imagine asking DP not to go to an event he was looking forward to.

He'd never expect me to cancel a fancy event for him unless he was seriously ill.

It's only one night and he's probably going to come home half cut anyway so really, would be be of practical use at 6pm, or heading towards the sofa?

mankymummymoo Fri 16-Oct-09 15:44:51

Agree with Morris... half cut and probably very resentful too !

thetattooedmagpie Fri 16-Oct-09 16:27:10

I'd still rather grit my teeth and get on with it while DP was away for the night partying and spend the time planning my weekend pony trekking in the Dales in return.

another who thinks what is the point in him coming home at 6pm... he will be half-cut and not able to help will he.

let him go, in return for next wkd you have some time to yourself.... that is a better compromise than him coming home at 6pm.

deste Fri 16-Oct-09 17:42:02

Cut him some slack amd let him go. I agree with the poster above.

moondog Fri 16-Oct-09 17:44:03

Let him go. FGS, leaving at 6:00 pm when it all starts getting going is ridiculous.

mankymummymoo Fri 16-Oct-09 17:45:54

thank god for the last few posters, was beginning to think i was a doormat !

macdoodle Fri 16-Oct-09 19:39:18

oh well spoon some of us do manage to actually look after our children all by our little lonesomes - when we are ill, they are ill, we are tired etc etc - we dont actually have a choice in the matter - you sound a bit spoilt TBH but that may just me being grumpy!

mankymummymoo Fri 16-Oct-09 19:42:46

eeeh macdoodle was going to point out the no option LP situation but thought I was being grumpy !

mankymummymoo Fri 16-Oct-09 19:43:25

although must say, "ill" or "very ill" may mean something life threatening in which case I retract what i said.

megmums Fri 16-Oct-09 21:32:36

I think your request is reasonable and your H should want to help you if you and your dcs are not well.

I think my H would do the same as yours TBH though.

SerendipitousHarlot Fri 16-Oct-09 21:36:33

I think your making a fuss, I'm afraid. It's just a night out, and you chose not to go, he obviously feels well enough.

I would be Very Cross Indeed if my dh whined at me to stay at home on a special night out, sorry.

*Disclaimer - unless you have limbs hanging off or something grin

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