what to do re friend......

[hatesponge]

have a very close friend, have known her for many years. She is a few years older than me & a bit like an older sister (neither of us have sisters in fact). We are very close, she knows a lot of things about me that no-one else does. She has spent hours on the phone with me when I have had my heart broken & am a sobbing mess, has always been great with my DC etc.

However, I am, and always have been a little scared of her, and scared of pissing her off (she takes offence at certain things, like me not phoning her, quite easily...certainly much more readily than I would)

so, up til a few months ago, we used to speak every day. Then she went on holiday, then I was away (& whilst away had my phone stolen so couldnt call anyone much, as I only had DS's PAYG phone until my contract replacement came through, which for various reasons took weeks), so we didnt speak for a long time. When I got my phone back, I called her & left her a voicemail letting her know & said I would call. However I got totally caught up with other stuff and forgot

for the last 2 weeks since then i have been intending to phone her but keep putting it off cos i know she is going to bollock me for not calling her sooner. Yes I know she could call me, but she won't see it like that! anyway, at the weekend she messaged a mutual friend on facebook something about the importance of maintaining contact etc, which I feel may have been a dig at me

I do know I've been a bit crap, I should have phoned her before now, but the fear of being told off is now delaying me.....please tell me I'm being pathetic & should just call her tomorrow!

[CybilLiberty]

Oh god she sounds like an awful friend. You should n't be scared of friends! Or do what I am doing with a similarly bossy controlling friend, gradually cut her out.

[hatesponge]

no, she is lovely really, I'm obviously not making her sound as great as she actually is!

[ladymariner]

not that great, else she would call you!!!! and why are you scared of her......

[CybilLiberty]

If a friend tels you off they are not your friend, they are your mother

[hatesponge]

she normally does call me- the fact she hasnt is making me think she is v pissed off with me...I dont know if I am scared of her as such, possibly that's not the word, I don't do criticism very well, it upsets me (something to do with being brought up by parents who mostly thought I was perfect I suppose!) & if when I phone her she is a bit snippy/pissed off, I will feel bad about that & it's that reaction that I am scared of...if thats the word.

[CybilLiberty]

I have realised that real friends support me and listen and don't make demands that I ring or get pissed off when I don't call back immediatley.

Real friends don't need an explantion, the same way you wouldn't need an explanation if a friend did it to you.

Are you a people pleaser by any chance?

[hatesponge]

we did used to speak most days...we are both on our own so that is probably why, I know I didnt speak to her as much when I was with my Ex because I seemed to have less spare time then!

I might tell her I was a bit worried about calling her, may smooth the waters!

CL, yes I probably am - I certainly get upset when people don't like me, & feel I need to understand why.....

[CybilLiberty]

It sounds like you are letting your imagination run away with you, she may not be thinking angry things at all.

But I think you need to think about how you respond to her and do things your way a bit more, toughen up and not worry about pleasing her.

It's up to her if she gets the hump, it's not your fault. Try and make it like water off a ducks back..