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What do I do? Mum is ill and I have posted a letter asking for money!!!!!!

(12 Posts)
cheekymonk Wed 14-Oct-09 14:17:41

It sounds terrible i know! I spoke to my Mum at weekend and she had a slight cold and she was a bit low so we had long chat and she seemed to perk up.
Meanwhile, dh and I are in a bit of a mess financially and have an IVA. Our bills are up to date but we seem to have no money for living once all bills etc are paid for and the payday loans we keep taking out are repaid (we borrow £400 and have to pay back £500!! This month we have actually got rid of the big one so only have a £325 one outstanding.) Trouble is already we have been getting low.
Then we go and do something REALLY stupid. we bought ds a new bike on the weekend £89 as he was learning to ride without stabilizers and doing so well and clearly finding it hard with a bike too small for him.
to get some more money in we pawned my engagement ring! And so it goes on! We are so stupd and i know irresponsible too. we are better that we ued to be and at the least the money is going on ds but its money we haven't got. I also got him a big coat from m & s that he hates wearing so I got him a school fleece which was another £13. I meanwhile have no coat!
I know its time to buck our ideas up.
However, I sent a letter to Mum explaining all this and asking if we could borrow £500. She is very comfortable and has at least 60,000 saved. She is more than generous with us though and I HATE asking. I laid out repayment plan etc. i just feel so bloody horrible now I know she is still feeling rough physically and is also low emotionally. I am scared she is going to think i am only after her money. I would have asked my Dad (they are separated) but he is on benefits. I had hoped at my age I would be 100% independent and I have only once asked for help from mum before to help with ds's nursery fees.
the letter is posted now (yesterday) and she hasn't got it today so I am wondering whether i should forewarn her. i sent the letter to broach the subject as I am going to see her this weekend and didn't want to put her on the spot. I can't unpost it but just feel like a really bad person! Any ideas- how do I handle it now! i would never have posted it if I had known her current state!
sad

eyetunes Wed 14-Oct-09 14:19:57

I am sure she won't think anything like the fact that you are after her money. Cheer up, give her a call and make a joke of it.

thedollshouse Wed 14-Oct-09 14:21:12

I would forewarn her. Tell her that you posted it and now you feel guilty as she is unwell.

I wouldn't normally post that sort of letter I think it is better to ask someone upfront.

cheekymonk Wed 14-Oct-09 14:25:28

I know, I am just better at writing what I am trying to say in a letter than explaining myself face to face (tho you wouldn't think so on here!)
I'm not sure that she would see the funny side of it but yes I could try to lighten it up a bit.

Lilyloooohhhh Wed 14-Oct-09 14:29:05

I would speak to your mum and explain. Don't beat yourself up about it you didn't know she was ill and the letter has gone now.
Maybe she might want to put something towards ds bike as an early xmas present ??
If you tell ds it is part of his xmas present then maybe you won't feel as guilty.
It is hard when you have things you want/need to buy and have no spare money to do so.
Bikes are much cheaper second hand on ebay for future reference.

sarasusie123 Wed 14-Oct-09 16:36:26

You have only asked for help once before, I am sure she wouldn't want you to struggle and DS to go without. She's your mum, if you can't ask your mum to help who can you ask. Ring her and just tell her. She'll probably feel bad that you feel bad asking her to help. What size are you? I have a coat, not great but warm and pretty smart, think its a 14 you can have it if you want it.

cheekymonk Thu 15-Oct-09 17:01:54

Sorry sarasusie, have been so busy no chance to come back on. Thank you for such a lovely offer but I am a size 24 blush.
Mum has actually agreed to give us the money, i mean give and just wants us to get back on our feet. She said she was flattered I asked and it made her feel better to be useful. Bless her. God Mums are the best aren't they?? I would do it for my ds too.

lou031205 Thu 15-Oct-09 21:59:56

cheekymonk, could you ask for a reassessment of your IVA? You need to really look at your budget and be ruthless. An IVA is only a solution if you change your spending habits!

I am not trying to be harsh, but as someone who declared BR, I know what I am talking about! Glad your Mum could help.

lou031205 Thu 15-Oct-09 22:01:09

Also, on a technical note, one of the conditions of an IVA is that you don't take out further credit. If you are found out, they could force bankruptcy.

picmaestress Thu 15-Oct-09 22:36:58

I'm sure she was more than happy to help.
You have to get a coat, lady! Try ebay - this one's nice:

cgi.ebay.co.uk/WOMENS-WARM-WINTER-COAT-SIZE-22-24-BLACK-FLECK-G-E-T_W0QQitemZ160369344618QQcmdZViewI temQQptZWomen_s_Clothing?hash=item2556c2006a#ht_578wt_1165

or this one?
cgi.ebay.co.uk/LADIES-GEORGE-WINTER-COAT-SIZE-24-TRENDY_W0QQitemZ250513930042QQcmdZViewItemQQptZWome n_s_Clothing?hash=item3a53cb373a#ht_500wt_1182

My mum just bought me a coat (Maxmara one from a charity shop for £20) so I know the feeling

MorrisZapp Fri 16-Oct-09 14:45:33

Get the first one, it's properly warm and looks lovely too.

skihorse Fri 16-Oct-09 14:53:24

Is going BR an option? It sounds as though the IVA might only be delaying the inevitable - might save you some heartache in the long run.

If you're really desperate for a coat I have a lilac suede Evans size 24 with faux-fur collar in the spare room. I only wore it a handful of times so it's in good nick. A few years out of date - one of the girls in "Fat Friends" wore it if you know which one I mean! It's only bum length though, not full length.

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