I am in the process of leaving my partner. I do think it is an abusive relationship and he probably has NPD (have posted threads about him before, will link my list of reasons to leave in a minute) and I absolutely definitely have made up my mind and am leaving no matter what, but I am feeling guilty about things.
My mum wants me to leave during the day while DP is at work, so that we can get all my stuff moved. I don't know how he will react so this does seem sensible, however I can't help but feel it's a shitty thing to do to leave behind his back. She keeps telling me I have no choice - if I try to have a serious conversation with him he will avoid avoid avoid or get defensive - the only time he will talk to me is in the car and that puts him in control.
Anyway, she also thinks I should keep my address secret and refuse contact with him for a minimum of 2 weeks. I feel this is quite a long time to keep him from having contact with DS and I am wary of becoming the ex who "doesn't let" him see his son. He is barely here during the week and seems to expect DS to be in bed when he gets home though so I don't know realistically whether he would miss him, it just feels wrong to me to stop him seeing his son. But then I am leaving partly for DS' protection, and again I don't know how he will react. When I spoke to him before he veered from saying he'd try for custody to saying he wouldn't have anything to do with DS, and that would be my fault.
So basically I know he has been a complete twat, but I am feeling guilty for taking his son away and not being able to tell him face to face that I am leaving. And I feel bad because he does seem to be trying to change things since we last spoke, but he just does not "get it" on any level and has not changed the things that matter. And I don't love him any more, so why am I feeling sorry for him??
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I feel like I'm being unreasonable. Am I?
BertieBotts · 13/10/2009 18:34
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