So...DP and I have been together 7 yrs. We had our first DC soon after meeting when i was 17, then quickly had another DC after that. When dc2 was 9 months old i went through a crazy patch, going out lots, hating family life. I had 2 affairs, dp found out, it was awful i couldn't believe i'd done that to him
Anyway, he forgave me. We are very happy now, we had 2 more dc's. We have had no problems since then really. I know he will never really trust me again and i understand i really do.
So the whole point of this is I want to go on a night out at xmas with my friends. I have been on nights out since this happened but i have never been drinking as have been either pregnant or breastfeeding and i have always come home early. But this time i really want a good night out. He said i can go but is not happy and will be really worried about it the whole time! Its been 5 yrs since the affairs, surely i cant be expected to not drink or go out again?? or can i?? I don't know what to do
Can you think of anything you can do to reassure him? Keep phone with you and on and answer it if he calls? Give yourself a 6 drink maximum? Have a taxi booked for a specific time? Just to show him you're not that person anymore...
bigchris is right he can't keep punishing you for the past. No you cannot be expected to never go out again. I know it's not easy and I understand totally his feelings but from my own experiences when you make the decision to forgive somebody and move on you also have to find it in you somewhere to trust that they will never do it again.
Yes he can't keep punishing you for the past, but if the boot was on the other foot how confident would any of us feel? Especially if the OH was going back into the same sort of circumstances for the first time since the affairs? I think a bit of understanding is called for, no?
We did have one session of counselling but he hated going over things again. He's not being spitefull he just will never trust me in those situations. So don't know whether to go anyway and give him plenty of reassurance or just not go so he doesn't have to worry
It would help if you went out, had a few drinks, a little tipsy, and home before he expects you to be. It would show him that you can be trusted and be mature on nights out, even if you'd rather a major night. TBH he deserves that.