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Give up on nights out???

(13 Posts)
wantstosleepnow Tue 13-Oct-09 13:52:54

So...DP and I have been together 7 yrs. We had our first DC soon after meeting when i was 17, then quickly had another DC after that. When dc2 was 9 months old i went through a crazy patch, going out lots, hating family life. I had 2 affairs, dp found out, it was awful i couldn't believe i'd done that to him

Anyway, he forgave me. We are very happy now, we had 2 more dc's. We have had no problems since then really. I know he will never really trust me again and i understand i really do.

So the whole point of this is I want to go on a night out at xmas with my friends. I have been on nights out since this happened but i have never been drinking as have been either pregnant or breastfeeding and i have always come home early. But this time i really want a good night out. He said i can go but is not happy and will be really worried about it the whole time! Its been 5 yrs since the affairs, surely i cant be expected to not drink or go out again?? or can i?? I don't know what to do

bigchris Tue 13-Oct-09 13:57:28

aw poor dh , maybe couples counselling would help him rebuild his trust. He can't keep punishing you for the past.

theDeadPirateRoberts Tue 13-Oct-09 14:00:10

Can you think of anything you can do to reassure him? Keep phone with you and on and answer it if he calls? Give yourself a 6 drink maximum? Have a taxi booked for a specific time? Just to show him you're not that person anymore...

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Tue 13-Oct-09 14:00:24

bigchris is right he can't keep punishing you for the past.
No you cannot be expected to never go out again. I know it's not easy and I understand totally his feelings but from my own experiences when you make the decision to forgive somebody and move on you also have to find it in you somewhere to trust that they will never do it again.

RealityBites Tue 13-Oct-09 14:01:21

Message withdrawn

PuffFluffLovesApplePearSnapps Tue 13-Oct-09 14:01:56

Was it the alcohol that made you stray before?

theDeadPirateRoberts Tue 13-Oct-09 14:03:06

Yes he can't keep punishing you for the past, but if the boot was on the other foot how confident would any of us feel? Especially if the OH was going back into the same sort of circumstances for the first time since the affairs? I think a bit of understanding is called for, no?

wantstosleepnow Tue 13-Oct-09 14:03:09

We did have one session of counselling but he hated going over things again. He's not being spitefull he just will never trust me in those situations. So don't know whether to go anyway and give him plenty of reassurance or just not go so he doesn't have to worry

wukter Tue 13-Oct-09 14:03:26

It would help if you went out, had a few drinks, a little tipsy, and home before he expects you to be. It would show him that you can be trusted and be mature on nights out, even if you'd rather a major night. TBH he deserves that.

theDeadPirateRoberts Tue 13-Oct-09 14:06:23

Go, reassure him, and don't do anything stupid. He'll get less nervous as time goes on, and you'll be able to find a balance between night-out girlie and married woman - hopefully smile

wantstosleepnow Tue 13-Oct-09 14:07:18

Yes i was 19 when affairs happened. I have changed completely now. I don't think he understands though why I did it and why i wouldn't do it again.

And yes i'll keep my phone on and book a taxi anything to reassure him.

Its a hard one..

theDeadPirateRoberts Tue 13-Oct-09 14:09:10

It'll get better with time. Most things do smile

wantstosleepnow Tue 13-Oct-09 14:23:52

Ahhh you lot are lovely..thought i'd be told i was selfish and horrible. thanks XX

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