Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

people not replying to texts really upsets me

(50 Posts)
starbaby Tue 13-Oct-09 10:09:35

I sent 7 texts yesterday to various close friends and so far have had 1 reply!

This happens all the time, i send a text asking a question and it takes people 3 days to get back to me!! I find it really hurtful and ignorant and rude.

These are mostly close friends and I just can't understand why they don't answer texts.

I have a couple of friends who I know are not very phone friendly, they never turn their phones on, leave them in a drawer etc and so I don't expect them to reply immediately. But the texts I sent yesterday are to friends who carry phones with them, put them on the table when we're in the pub, they use them all the time.

Sometimes they apologise and say 'sorry, was busy at work and forgot'...for 3 days???!!

When I get a text I reply straight away, it only takes 30seconds, even if it's just to say 'yeah ok x'

My husband says that I'm being oversensitive about it cos I have my phone with me every minute of the day and other people don't.

However, when my friends want me they always text and I always reply within minutes, why can't they extend the same courtesy to me?

BunnyLebowski Tue 13-Oct-09 10:10:34

Your husband is right. Get a grip love.

TrillianSlasher Tue 13-Oct-09 10:14:28

When you receive a text, sometimes often you are doing something else. You say to yourself 'I'll deal wiht that later'. Then you either deal with it later or forget. It's not a deliberate slight. If you want an immediate response then phone people.

AngryFromManchester Tue 13-Oct-09 10:15:48

what if they have no credit on their phone?

I think you are taking it a bit too personal

MrsBadger Tue 13-Oct-09 10:16:24


your husband is right

if you want an instant response why not ring and talk to them, eh?

squeaver Tue 13-Oct-09 10:17:10

Agree with Bunny. Some people are just not text people.

diddl Tue 13-Oct-09 10:18:54

Your husband is right.

I don´t have a mobile, but if I did, I wouldn´t use it to text, as I loathe the whole idea of "text speak" & not talking to someone personally.

TrillianSlasher Tue 13-Oct-09 10:23:01

Text speak is not compulsory diddl. wink

Texts are great for when you want to communicate something but you don't know if someone is busy at that perticular time and you don't need an immediate response. They can pick up the message when it's convenient for them, reply, and you can look at the reply when it is convenient for you.

stillstanding Tue 13-Oct-09 10:23:21

I don't like mobiles much and hate texts. So easy to forget them and I am quite sure I would be just like your friends. You just have to accept that not everyone treats their phones/texts in the same way you do.

diddl Tue 13-Oct-09 10:25:00

I´m sure that the majority of people think they are great.

I´d rather get in touch personally,is all!

Leeka Tue 13-Oct-09 10:25:41

I often don't have signal where I live, and then when I do have signal I forget about all the texts that have built up, so sometimes then take days to reply to them. I hope no-one finds it rude.

If they need an immediate response they could always try actually calling me.

stillstanding Tue 13-Oct-09 10:25:51

See, Trillian - that's what I think email is for. I keep my email inbox as a sort of to do list and will always reply to emails albeit at a time convenient for me. I find this harder with texts. Basically I just look at the last three new ones so if I have had a flurry of them it is quite likely that I will never get round to responding to one.

starbaby Tue 13-Oct-09 10:26:16

but what about the fact that when they are arranging something they do it by text? We are a group of friends and we rarely ring each other we use texts to arrange stuff and ask how each other are?

If they text me to make an arrangement I text back within minutes, yet when I text them they take days to get back to me.

Suppose I need to just wean myself off using my phone, maybe put it away in a drawer or something...

Jajas Tue 13-Oct-09 10:29:54

I use texting a lot but don't expect people to reply immediately. That's the beauty of it though surely? I might read a text but subconciously think I'll reply when I have more time or not in such a rush and then it slips my mind.

I must confess though, if I have my phone next to me and someone texts I do sometimes not reply immediately as think it makes me look a bit of a saddo so maybe that's what all your friends are doing grin!

starbaby Tue 13-Oct-09 10:31:00

obviously just me then that thinks it's really rude to get a message or question off someone and just 'ignore' or 'forget' it.

paisleyleaf Tue 13-Oct-09 10:31:46

I thought the point in texting was that people can pick up messages at their convenience, and it's a good thing because they can also reply when it suits.
Rather than ringing at what might be an inconvenient time.

I'm a bit bad for this tbh, and will check it when it beeps, but if I'm in the middle of something else will put off replying til later (and it can get forgotten).

I had a friend who had a phone that could tell her when I'd picked the message up and would get funny with me if I'd left my reply a while.

Your DH is right. And not replying to your text doesn't mean your friends think any less of you.

MrsBadger Tue 13-Oct-09 10:33:39

all that shows is exactly what has already been suggested, that they use their phones differently to you - as the equivalent of leaving notes for each other to be picked up as and when - not that they hate you or are ignoring you.

Perhaps they are thinking 'God, starbaby is really weird about texts, every time I send her one she replies within about 10seconds, even if it's only about coffee next week, like she sits there with her phone in her hand all the time waiting for someone to text'

people are different, live with it smile

thedollshouse Tue 13-Oct-09 10:35:52

You wouldn't like me then. I personally don't like mobile phones as I find them an intrusion of privacy. If I am just nipping into town I don't take my mobile (much to the annoyance of dh and friends). I answer texts when I have time and I often run out of credit. Like the internet the mobile phone is another tool that just seems to heighten peoples paranoia. hmm

I would love to go back to the 70's, life was so much simpler then!

haventsleptforayear Tue 13-Oct-09 10:37:36

MrsBadger is right.

I think it's really rude when I am with friends and their phone beeps, and they immediately interrupt the conversation to look at it and reply.

I think it's ok to quickly check it, but if it's not urgent (when is it ever? what did we do before phones?) there is no need to reply immediately.

Plus with your logic, when would conversations ever finish?

ie : let's meet for coffee at 10
Ok great.
See you then.
See YOU.
ad nauseum....

somewhathorrified Tue 13-Oct-09 10:37:59

I'm the person who doesn't reply to texts! If people want to talk to me they should phone, texts are annoying at best, not a letter, not a phone it important, or is it one of those things you take your time over? Everyone treats them differently, yet you can't tell what type of person they are. I've had somone get annoyed at me for not replying to a 'happy birthday' text...they didn't even ask a question! why would I reply?

mrsjammi Tue 13-Oct-09 10:38:19

Message withdrawn

Bramshott Tue 13-Oct-09 10:39:08

But they do still get back to you don't they?!? I must admit when I get a text, I usually pick my phone up in between dragging fishfingers out of the oven, refereeing between the DDs etc, and I usually think "oh that's a nice idea, I'll get back to XX later". Or if people are asking about meeting up, I usually need to check with DH etc. It can quite easily be a week between someone texting me and me replying!

fannybanjo Tue 13-Oct-09 10:39:31

It is far more ignorant when I am with someone and all they do is text people.

stillfrazzled Tue 13-Oct-09 10:43:43

They might be like me, and make up an instant answer in their head... and then forget they haven't sent it blush I am terrible for that.

paisleyleaf Tue 13-Oct-09 10:46:41

I know that one still frazzled. blush

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: