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should i stay?

(5 Posts)
mum2zak Sun 11-Oct-09 22:46:01

i have been with my dh for 12 years married for 6 and have 2 children aged 3 and 1. its been a strange relationship from the start as he is of a different culture (although born here)therefore his family did not approve of him being with me and to cut a long story short he told them about us after we got married and had our first child. he risked all contact with his family for me and fortuantly now we all get on great - except me and dh. he is not at all affectionate and we have had no kind of real six life for 4 years, our children were concieved by me telling him which days i was fertile and just trying then (very romantic i know!) although i know it is not intentional but he is very critical of me and has a bad temper and says the most hurtful things although he honestly doesnt think there is anything wrong with what he says therefore it is hard to discuss it with him, he is also not very articulate and when cant express what he is trying to say just gets more angry. he has also been rough physically in arguments in the past. he does work incredibly hard and supports us financially as far as bills and house etc, but gives me a very measly allowance and makes a big fuss if i ask for more althoug he doesnt earn very much - fortuantly my parents are quite well off so help me out a lot as they know he doesnt earn a lot. i know he absolutly loves me even though he doesnt show it the way i would like him too, he also worships his kids and tries his hardest to be a good dad but i feel he is lazy in spending time with them. what makes me sad is that he has had no role model for a father, he grew up terrified of his ( and still is!!) his father is very abusive to his mum and sisters and generally a horrible man, dh knows this and always says he never wants to be like him but he does have traits that seem to be getting worse as he is getting older and he is getting more and more like him. im no angel and definatly give as good as i get in an argument but i dont love him anymore, i find him boring and annoying, he has no interest in anything - personally i think he is depressed but wont admit it. he is starting to see a cousellor about his anger and we have tried relate but it didnt work for us. i am only with him because of the upset it would cause our whole family. i would love it to work but i dont know how it can. now i feel resentful that my life is slipping away and im with someone i no longer like a lot of the time let alone love. he knows this and is desperatly trying to make me happy but he doesnt. he also refuses to leave and says he will never leave his kids, and says he was willing to risk everything to be with me which makes me feel so guilty. he has even said i can go on and live my life even be with other men and he still would not want to leave me!!

should i keep trying or give up?

FiveGoMadonTheDanceFloor Sun 11-Oct-09 22:47:21


StrawberriesandCherries Sun 11-Oct-09 22:57:08

sounds a very trying situation - have you anyone you can talk it through with? GP/friend/sister?

mum2zak Sun 11-Oct-09 23:04:23

im close to my mum and dad, and they say although hes not perfect he does try and works very hard for us etc, and loves us all so much its worth keeping on trying. im just so sad.

StrawberriesandCherries Sun 11-Oct-09 23:20:23

Sorry you are so sad sad and that I am so bad at advice!! Hopefully someone will come along with good advice. My only advice would be make sure you are communicating with him so at least he can try and be more the person you want

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