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When does it end? Think we might be near...

(5 Posts)
WhenDoesItEnd Sun 11-Oct-09 22:34:09

Namechanged as I plan to give a very gushing (very un-MN) personal post and could really use honest advice and opinions. Have posted in chat but posting here too. Sorry this is going to be a mega-post.

DH and I have been together for a few years, but only recently married. Lost two babies and neither of us have children separately or together.

Lately, it feels like everything I do he just nitpicks at. He works and I don't although I've been looking for a job for awhile, and it seems that he thinks because I'm "not doing anything" he expects me to do absolutely everything in the house. He kicks off his shoes and I ask him to pick them up, he says "fine, later"...I say "no - they're in my way", he goes into a stroppy huff and says what's it to me to pick up shoes when he's been at work all day.

He texts me constantly while at work to check up on things - "Have you washed the pile of clothes I left you, have you paid the X bill online, have you called that job back, have you left the washing up in the sink, what time did you wake up, what are we having for tea" the list is endless. It's not even a one-time query for these things, he will repeatedly ask them even if I give an answer.

While he makes an effort to be loving we have absolutely no sex life - he is more than willing to receive but due to past "ishoos" he won't reciprocate so as a result my drive has gone to nil. We don't fight about it, but I ask him to make an effort on cuddling, kissing, etc. to make up for it and it seems to work for 2 days and then reverts back. He asks why I'm so down, and I explain all of what I've posted to him, I discuss the lack of love, the harsh image he sees me as a 'housewife', etc. etc. and he says I am just as mean to him and that if I can't take it I shouldn't dish it out.

He's not a mean spirited person, but he has never been the loving type - never left me romantic notes, made me breakfast because it's a nice thing to do, never sang to me although he has a lovely voice, never danced with me in private or public because he's embarrassed.

It sounds like really small stuff but it's really mounting up, he thinks about it and really apologises about 10-15 minutes later and all is well for an hour or two and then it's back to where we were before.

I'm sure I'm no angel in this, but I really honestly feel that when I'm mean back to him it's just because of how he's made me feel and I can't take it anymore. We don't have the money to go to counseling and haven't a hope in hell of getting it on NHS for ages (I've enquired).

Anyone help? sad

OnlyWantsOneFartleBerry Mon 12-Oct-09 14:54:45

firstly, really sorry about loss of your babies.

I think you could suggest some form of marriage councilling?


Campingqueen Mon 12-Oct-09 15:15:26


What do you in your heart of hearts feel about this relationship? Do you (& Did you ever) have any fun with DH?

I too am sorry to hear of the loss of your babies. Do you feel that the miscarriages have affect the closeness with DH?

Must dash for school run, am sure the wise MNers will be on soon with loads of advice etc

Best of luck.

Campingqueen x

Campingqueen Mon 12-Oct-09 21:18:40

Have I killed this thread blush

(bump grin

modmum Mon 12-Oct-09 21:33:27

Is it possible that this is stress from the loss of the two babies? If it is a possible factor then you could contacted CRUSE (sp?) which is a charity which can offer counselling free for bereavement. Miscarriage and stillbirth are bereavement and cause the same stresses any other loss. 0870 167 1677 is their number.

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