This is a real muddle, I'm sorry.
During a lovely meal today with friends I sat and watched how they interacted, their love and affection for each other subtle yet obviously strong after 20 yrs of marriage. Something I have noticed a lot recently with other friends.
DH, in contrast, was the opposite.
We live parallel lives.
DH has a really good job and travels abroad a lot. He is very clever and respected in his industry and works very hard and has amazing perks too.
But at home I find him very bad tempered and resentful. He clearly doesnt love me and I doubt he even likes me much anymore after 17 years.
I asked him tonight if its so bad why is he still with me? He shouted he really didnt know. I cant discuss anything with him. He shouts and rants then leaves the room.
But when I ask him exactly what I do wrong I only hear lack of ironing, not working and bringing in any income (I am sahm to toddler) and that I have no respect for him.
Eldest dd12 says life without him is calmer and happier when he is working away. I hate that they are so supportive of me when they should be just being little still. they stick up for me in rows. Not good.
I have had quite a bit of involvement from my GP this time last year as I was ill from stress and he sussed what was going on, but havent gone back.Gp said it was mental abuse and I had some counselling but I stopped all of it this summer as I decided to really try to make the marriage work.
But I know its not. I am so sad and confused. I thought being a grown up meant you had the answers.
I cant imagine how I would cope though with 3 kids, no career and certainly no money.
Its all such a mess. Where do I start?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Its all broken. I can't keep sticking plasters on this can I?
goldyfish · 11/10/2009 22:05
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