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Ooohhhh, and it was all going so f-ing well! :-s

(9 Posts)
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Sat 10-Oct-09 11:44:24

Anyone who knows me even a little bit will probably know quite well that dh and i have had a rocky few years. We went to Relate, and things were really starting to look up - we've stabilised financially (sort of) and we're really pulling together wrt childcare and housework and all the niggly problems we had before.

This morning I picked up his phone by mistake (thinking it was my iPod) and saw he had a text from a woman. I know I shouldn't have looked, I know it, but I had that knot of dread in my stomach and I thought it would probably be something totally innocent. Anyway, there's lots of messages on there from the same woman (who I think is his ex) all alluding to MSN conversations they've had, all very flirtatious in nature - although mostly from her, he's being his usual stolid self - dating back several months.

He's in the bath at the moment, part of me wants to look on his laptop to see if the conversations are there, part of me thinks it's absolutely pointless as if there is anything going on he is certainly not stupid enough to leave them there for me to find, part of me wants to text this woman and tell her to fuck the fuck off and leave us alone - and the other, smaller, sane voice is saying, "FGS - some people just talk in a flirtatious manner, he's not done anything, she's just that type of person, y'know, the type of person you used to be!"

And I don't want to ruin the good stuff that we have right now by being suspicious and jealous and stupid. And I don't want to talk to him because it'll be obvious that I've been looking on his phone! sad

RealityBites Sat 10-Oct-09 11:57:24

Message withdrawn

eandh Sat 10-Oct-09 12:02:05

you need to talk but calmly and rationally and maybe best once kids are in bed. You have said its mainly her and he is being himself thats good, he hasn't deleted these off his phone so he hasn't been hiding them and I have seen your fb status's lately and they have been so positive, you are making such good progress so you do need to talk about it but am suspecting its not what you are imagining it is <<hugs>>

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Sat 10-Oct-09 12:09:14

I'll talk to him tonight. I suspect that most of it is me, though. I feel so fat and unattractive at the moment.

eandh Sat 10-Oct-09 12:12:34

but you are neither of those, you are a great Mummy and you are taking big steps to try and make your relationship be what you want it to be but you need to believe in yourself smile

Are you going back to work or staying home (been meaning toask you that for ages) and what did you decide to do re Z'a nursery?

WhenwillIfeelnormal Sat 10-Oct-09 12:18:01

I don't know you or your situation, but I do feel for you. Have a look at my response to the Is texting Cheating thread for my take on this. And I'd be interrogating his laptop with bells on I'm afraid. There's ALWAYS a reason for this. Please don't accept delusions and smokescreens. I'd also not confront till I'd got more information. If you don't get any from the laptop or other sources, confront then. So sorry.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Sat 10-Oct-09 12:53:36

I am going back to work when dd is 1, in March. I'm taking ds out of nursery in January when he starts preschool, and my friend (who was my doula with dd) will look after dd while I work and pick ds up from preschool. I will do the same for her dd when I'm not at work.

Don't report us to Ofsted! wink

WhenwillIfeelnormal Sat 10-Oct-09 13:51:01


TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Sat 10-Oct-09 13:54:53

what's with the ???

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