Recently posted on here about my elusive BF of 2.5 years. Who I have never visited in his home and altho very very lovely and kind and sweet and lives (according to him) very uneventful life, quite alone and 'nothing interesting going on'. I get his phone bill and posted on here about peeking into it and saw calls to Australia, etc (he's never mentioned friends in Australia, ever). He doesn't seem to live this 'boring' life from what I saw on the phone bill... but then anyones phone bill can appear that way I guess.
We fell out (in a calm way) over him not arriving when we had planned etc... and I called it off feeling that there was too much stress on my part about remaining so 'in the dark' with him and not seeing him often enough. He isn't married or with anyone (he's bought his little boy to stay over, and he's old enough to rat on him if there was someone else). I really don't think he is with anyone as he almost tried to get a job down by me etc etc.
During this time (the breakup) I met a new guy, lovely and accomodating and very interested. He's stayed over, slept on the sofa as he's from London (2 hours drive and we'd had a drink in the evening).
In amongst all this, I have a DD in her teens at home. She's very mature and a good child and I try my best to be a good role model for her.
BF Nr. 1 came down to try and patch things up. He was very upset and sad and I felt very 'swayed' and teetering on mix feelings at this point because I had already been out with the new guy. I know in my heart it would be a healthier relationship, even at this early stage.
BF Nr. 1 went back home - me having stated that I wasn't completely happy with the progress of the relationship but he still continued to call and be sweet. Said he's bought me some boots and some stuff for DD etc and would be down (this Sunday) to give them to us, either way.
I met the new guy another time and again he stayed over. He is very nice.
The comparison between the two of them is that Nr. 2 is so light and easy and I know everything about him in such a short space of time. He has invited me up to his on Tuesday, offered to pay for the ticket... baked us a cake when he came down . He's very warm and interactive with DD. It suddenly made me realise how normal he is and how I have accomodated Nr/1 'odd' detached behaviour. DD has often said how Nr.1 doesn't really get 'involved' with much here at home (as to which I say he is a quiet type but secretly feeling the same). I much prefer Nr/ 2's attitude and the way I feel in the relationship with him. That is in honesty.
But I feel sorry for Nr. 1. I feel as if I have plotted and schemed and built up a packet against him without him even knowing. But all in all - for 2.5 years - things have stayed the same. Him, coming to me, when it suits him really, me having no real insight into his life and yet I have been going along with it all this time because, well, I just have.
Having two men on the scene is not a good place to be. First of all I try to keep DD in the picture as to why it has come about this way, but deep down I know it isn't right. I have to finish with Nr. 1 but I haven't got the heart, altho, having kept me - I'll say - at arms length for so long, this outcome is inevitable, isn't it? How do I do it? How do I finalise it with him this Sunday when he comes bearing gifts and professing his love for me and how 'it will get better', and 'I am trying to be all you want me to be' etc etc.
Being indecisive is never good, but I still have strong feelings for him, but also deep inside I know that if he had wanted it, he would have given this two dimensional relationship a push and let it become three dimensional. But he hasn't. What to do? What to do?
They both live 2 hours away from me, at least. (in different directions)...
It is very hard to manage such a situation when you are also trying to be a good Mother (and person) and set a good example. But I've got myself into a right old mess with it.
I am 52 and should know better and readily give advise to others. But I am feeling so furtive and awful about all this. Has anyone else been in this predicament?
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Relationships
Oh dear... 2 guys... and my one heart.
21 replies
Kally · 10/10/2009 11:16
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