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Please please help, I can't stop being a complete bitch...

(10 Posts)
BackToBeingATeen Fri 09-Oct-09 20:47:27

We're staying with my parents while moving house (me, DH and young DC). I just feel like my relationship with my mum is at breaking point, and it's ALL me. I feel like I have no control - I get cross and frustrated with EVERYTHING she does. I don't think it helps that neither of us work so we're both at home all day, and I know that there are some annoying things about her (she often has a different opinion about what I should be doing with the kids; she often does not listen or ignores what you say; she's VERY unorganised) but generally she's a lovely person and being very generous letting us stay with them for so long (we've been there since March).

It's just me. I have no patience, if anything winds me up I snap instantly, I feel like a horrible stroppy teenager, all grunts and screams. I can't believe how horrendous I am and I don't know what to do. Hopefully we should be moving next month, but I don't want to treat my mum like this up until then. Please help!

mrsboogie Fri 09-Oct-09 21:07:29

going home does this to people BUT

you should apologise to her while you are being rational and grown up and tell her that you don't mean it and its the stress of the situation and that's she's not to take any notice of you.

SolidGhoulBrass Fri 09-Oct-09 21:08:45

Unfortunately, it's kind of a classic thing that if you move back with your parents as an adult, you revert to your teens. It's because the last time you lived there, you were a stroppy teen, and you're going back to a familiar path. When you're feeling calm, acknowledge this to your mum, give her a hug and say that you will do your best, you know things are hard, and it will all be better once you're in your own place.

mrshibbins Fri 09-Oct-09 21:28:58

Just to say that I've had a couple of times of living at home with my mum as an adult, and it's never easy on either of you ... the first time was so bad we didn't speak for some time afterwards ... although with us we were both as bad as each other. the second time it nearly ended in disaster but i'd learned new tactics by then and simply refused to argue with her!

aww your poor mum, is she hurt by your snapping or does she blithely ignore it? you obviously love her really but can't seem to help yourself because you are so stressed

she must be stressed too, having to share her peaceful (disorganised) home with such a whirlwind of crossness?

you need to try to count to ten, remember that you love her, maybe take a turn around the garden, sweat the small stuff like her being disorganised etc, make sure you go out seperately so that each of you has your own space?

there are LOTS of useful sites and books on CBT anger management - I had CBT to disable all my mum buttons a few years back and we hardly have a cross word now.

poshsinglemum Fri 09-Oct-09 22:42:42

Are you me? I was like this with my mum today. i love her dearly but she irritates the hell out of me. Mabe try counting to ten before saying anything. It's hard when its and automatic reaction though!

superfrenchie1 Fri 09-Oct-09 23:12:03

i get a bit like this, frustrated and scornful with my mum.

try to remember she's a person too, not just your mum.

it was my mum's birthday and for the first time i bought her a pampering session in a spa and am starting to try to think about what she would really like to do - like yours, my mum does usually mean well...

at least you have recognised this and you want to stop and be more controlled. maybe talk to her about things you both like / know about - don't forget you have lots to learn from her, there are things she probably knows lots about that you could learn

good luck, be calm...

freakname Sat 10-Oct-09 11:53:52

Just apologise and acknowledge your behaviour to her. Moving house - say no more - I'm sure she understands. Having a chat about your triggers may help you both to have some boundaries and avoid setting each other off.

Better to do it now and try to have an amicable remainder of stay than leaving under a cloud?

facebookaddict Sat 10-Oct-09 22:29:29

I'm like this too. Then I think how upset I'd be if my 2 kids were like this to me when they are older and I'm sweating blood and tears now to bring them up.
Try to smooth it over as much as poss. Good to let big issues air but sit on the small irritations as not everyone is the same and she probably doesn't mean it.
It would be sad if it escalated and your kids missed out on the closeness of a grandparent that they know is welcome and loved (they will know if you are arguing)...
I wish I could take my own advice. Must try must try must try.

jasper Sat 10-Oct-09 22:34:49

just stop being a bitch.! grin

BackToBeingATeen Tue 13-Oct-09 20:05:48

Hi everyone, thanks so much for your replies - haven't been able to get to a computer for a few days. Am just settling the kids and will be back to read through all your wisdom grin

Thanks again.

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