I will really appreciate some input here - my brains are scrambled. Most of the story is on 'healing after the affair' so I will just describe this week.
Eldest son's best mate took an overdose last Sunday. For very complex reasdons she effectively has no parents and her grandparents who were supposed to be caring for her were out of the country. Son and I spent Sunday night, Monday and Tuesday at the hopsital (I was shocked to find that if there is no 'responsible' adult she would not be supplied with toothbrush and toothpaste after vomiting for hours, neither could she activate the TV when moved to an ordinary teen bed without a credit card - what on earth is happening in the NHS...but that may be for another thread). As you can imagine is has been a truly terrible few days, and son is exhausted emotionally and physically. I guess so am I.
Then just as things have settled, I get a telephone call from the school. It appears that middle son had saved up his pocket mney to buy a BB gun (something he knew he was NOT allowed to have under any circumstances). Of course he took it into school to show off to his friends, and accidentally fired a shot (I am pretty sure he did not realise it had any ammo in it, it did only have one pellet). Quite properly he is now excluded from the school for a day and may receive a talking to from the police when he returns next week.
Then, having got upset about the level of deceit I deceided (WHY????) to look at husband's phone. Yep - although he now is aware enough to wipe all texts emails etc if he does not want me to see them it was possible to see that he had been searching his address book for OW contact details. Of course I went upstairs and asked him what this was about. He said he could not remember.
I then went back downstairs and tried to get back into his facebook and personal email - those he used to stay in touch with OW before. I couldn't - no surprises there I knew he had changed passwrds. He came down and asked what I was doing. I told him and asked him to let me see his facebook. Guess what - he could not remember how to get into either facebook or hotmail! However he did 'remember' that he had been told at work that OW's mother had died. He had searched for her contact details in order to send a message of condolence. He says he thought better of it and did not make conatct.
This week he has been very very down, almost tearful. He says that this is because he is depressed about money. Last time he was like this it was to do with OW.
My brain is churning - is this the lie that ends it all? Is he really trying to repair things? If so why does he keep secrets and lie? He said over and over again that he loves me. But all I can hear is all the things he said when he was being so cruel last summer.
This morning I said I was going to try and go away for the weekend (a friend has a place by the sea I can sometimes use). I said I would take the boys. He obviously does not want me to go - and I have not yet been able to get hold of this friend.
What a fucking mess - and I am soooo tired of it all. What should I do? My life feels like utter shit. Have been making a small reduction in ADs over past fortnight - really want to get off them but not good timing for anything.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
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gonnabehappy · 09/10/2009 10:00
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