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I need a list of (practical) things that will help me leave

(6 Posts)
ThisBoyDerekDrew Thu 08-Oct-09 17:58:17

Have decided to leave DP - unless he does something drastic to make me want to stay by the time I get myself organised.

Not married. He is currently primary carer - although we both work part time. I would want the children. Who decides this - is it mutal agreement? (e only has legal parental responsibility for 1 of the 3)

I know I need to find somewhere to live
I need to sort out a bank account
I know that I need to see CAB in the longer term - but looking for interim "hints & tips"/guidance.

What else do I need to consider?

WhenwillIfeelnormal Thu 08-Oct-09 21:12:09

Hi Derek. What's the situation now re your suspicions about the neighbour?

lizzy6 Thu 08-Oct-09 22:29:30

I would suggest that you make a good list of stuff you want to find out and pop and see a solicitor. There are quite a few now that give one free hour so I would take advantage of this offer - I did that and learnt a lot of useful stuff. This will help a lot with the custody question.

If you're not sure how to find one telephone your local CAB (btw I found CAB useful as a first step but it does depend who you end up seeing there - I found a couple of people there much less useful than looking on the internet).

ThisBoyDerekDrew Fri 09-Oct-09 09:44:02

Thanks guys.

I have thrown a sickie this morning to try and get sorted ad DP has had some of his work cancelled so he will be here most of the morning.

Regarding the neighbour. I still don't know. My heart says one thing, my head says another. I can't remember where we were at when I last talked about it on here. When we first talked about it he denied everything, told me I was being stupid.....after that the amount of incoming textx dropped dramatically.

We all met up at weekend - and I very much got cold shoulder from her - felt as if she was avoiding me (and DP, and her DH for that matter). The only reason for her to avoid me is if DP had passed on my discussion, and the only reason for him to have done that is if she needed to know because there is something going on that shouldn't be. The official reason for her not talking to anyone is that she had had a massive barny with her DH. Thing is I can't prove either way.

Then when we talked again I made him realise that I wasn't talking about anything physical. I was talking about a developing relationship and that it doesn't have to be physcical to be wrong. He acknowledged that and admitted that they had a close friendship and when I went through all the scenario's of when and where and stuff he could see why I tought the way I did. He still maintains that it is just a good friendship which hasn't and has no intention of going anywhere wrong. Text levels are (were) back up again.

I feel as though I am in limbo. I can't prove anything wrong has happened. I can't "prove" that it hasn't. I can't move on until I can get out of limbo and I don't know how to do that. ATM I am making myself physically ill (or I would be if there was any contents in my stomach) - and I just can't live like this.

Yesterday I called him - but he was out - told me he was getting petrol. I wasn't convinced, so asked him why it took an hour and a half so he told me that he was having a cup of tea with her before petrol but was getting petrol when I called. It is a shame that the petrol reciept is time stamped for 2hrs after I spoke to him on phone. So I asked him again where he was when I called and he admitted he was at hers the whole time. He lied 3 times in covering up, says he did it to protect me cos he knew I would sit at work and stew if he told me he was with her. Still can't prove that it was more than a cup of tea. But I did prove that he is a (very good) liar.

Anyway I want him to prove it is all in my head. I want him to give me a sign that he actually wants me (in a more general sense). He has got until the day I move out/sign a contract on a new place/commit to going to make me stay...

GypsyMoth Fri 09-Oct-09 09:54:06

why PR for just one child? if they are all biologically his then Pr nis easy to gain for remaining two,unless they aren't his?

utilities....if you're moving,get your name removed from these so you aren't liable. take paperwork. all birth certs,everything,because when (if) things get nasty,these willmall be used as weapons. and take photos,any sentimental stuff which can be used as bargaining tools.

what do you think he will say? will he be relieved you are leaving?

ThisBoyDerekDrew Fri 09-Oct-09 09:57:05

Becaue PR law changed in 2003. I have 2 children born in 2001 - so he has no legal PR, but DD3 was born in 2006. Unless I grant him PR he would have to go to court to get it.

TBH Tiffany - he told me he was leaving 6 weeks ago (but stayed) - so I don't think there will be a fight. I am jjust trying to know my rights.

Have to go and do some chores now, back later.

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