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How do I get DP to give me some FOREPLAY?

(94 Posts)
shyNembarrased Fri 10-Jun-05 08:30:16

HOW?

fairydust Fri 10-Jun-05 08:30:39

eh ask?

jessicasmummy Fri 10-Jun-05 08:30:54

watch porn together.... if thats your thing?

WigWamBam Fri 10-Jun-05 08:32:28

Tell him what you want! Show him what to do as well, if you have to.

shyNembarrased Fri 10-Jun-05 08:33:39

I have, time and time again, but he just usually (how do I say this without being crude?) he usually just erm... goes straight to the second bit.... Oh crickey I'm so embarrased.

Fio2 Fri 10-Jun-05 08:35:28

oh god you dont have to watch porn as foreplay ffs

I think you ought to just stop letting him get up and say you arent ready. It really is selfish to just go straight to the point, so to speak. I cant give anymore advice as luckily I have never had this problem.

WigWamBam Fri 10-Jun-05 08:36:24

If you refuse the "second bit" until he's got you warmed up then he will have no choice.

shyNembarrased Fri 10-Jun-05 08:41:06

I have shown him, I've told him exactly what I like and if I get any foreplay he just goes straight for the clitoris, fumbles around for a little while (he is not very gentle either) then its straight to the good bit (for him anyway) [sigh]

He is a very loving DP in all other ways, he gives me a kiss when before/after work, he is very affectionate, lots of cuddles etc, its just he can't/won't do foreplay, and its really getting to me.

Hulababy Fri 10-Jun-05 08:42:59

Give him a week or so where actual sex isn't allowed at all.

Fio2 Fri 10-Jun-05 08:43:07

he can do foreplay, he is just being selfish IMO. i would point blank refuse, it would really piss me off as I bet it does you. I would make an argument out of it to get him to listen as I am mature like that

shyNembarrased Fri 10-Jun-05 08:45:59

He has been married twice before and both wives had affairs, TBH I can understand why because its so frustrating.

I love him so much and I couldn't and wouldn't have an affair just to feel sexually fullfilled but I can't honestly say that the thought hasn't crossed my mind (mind you don't know who with, I just don't fancy anyone else).

Fio2 Fri 10-Jun-05 08:47:42

aww blees, it MUST be really frustrating

morningpaper Fri 10-Jun-05 08:49:09

What kind of stuff do you want? There's a good book on oral sex on Amazon..let me find it for you...

shyNembarrased Fri 10-Jun-05 08:50:31

I think that he just doesnt understand how a womans body works.

When we have talked about it before he just says "I know I'm rubbish at it, I do try but...."

morningpaper Fri 10-Jun-05 08:51:35

She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman Ian Kerner looks like a good bet - buy him a copy of this and perhaps it will be a good starting point.

Otherwise perhaps try Relate for some serious talking about it?

morningpaper Fri 10-Jun-05 08:52:05

Aw poor chap! He probably has no confidence. Try that book maybe?

Catbert Fri 10-Jun-05 08:56:00

Thing is - if he got you really going, it would be an even bigger turn on for him...

He's probably embarassed as you that he's not very skilled in this area - but you have to keep lines of communication open, TALK, say - NO!!! Like THIS!! TAKE YOUR TIME DAMNIT!!!!

And if he gets ANYTHING right - enthuse greatly and ask for more - he might just get the picture...

Oh. And do it for him too. And when he's REALLY enjoying it - say "yes, now I'd like some of the good stuff too if you don't mind"...

(in fact SHOW him pictures)

shyNembarrased Fri 10-Jun-05 08:56:01

He does... erm... (shyNembarrased is going as red a sunburt beetroot)... he does do oral sex, but it is just the clitoris... I think the problem is he won't ...erm, go inside with anything other than his ***!

shyNembarrased Fri 10-Jun-05 08:59:21

Thank you for the link morningpaper, I'll rush out and buy it ASAP! lol

Seriously it probably will help, thank you.

shyNembarrased Fri 10-Jun-05 09:03:16

Catbert, if he does get it right he most certainly knows about it IYKWIM, I think he might be a bit shy about foreplay, maybe one of the x's put him down for it, don't know. He is not shy about the actual act, it would just be so much better if I was ready before it happened.

gaelsgirl Fri 10-Jun-05 09:03:34

porn, sex toys, magazines or books for hints, bit of alcohol and your imagination

The relationship between myself and my h isn't v good atm, but we have always had a good sex life throughout.

morningpaper Fri 10-Jun-05 09:05:10

You could ask him not to enter you until you say it's time? Then keep shoving him off when he tries to break in before you're ready?

shyNembarrased Fri 10-Jun-05 09:09:48

gaelsgirl our relationship is great but our sexlife has always been cr@p (for me anyway).

Well maybe thats not quite true because when he does try its really good, its just that it doesn't happen very often.

I hope your relationship improves, I don't know the details but would it help to try to make a list of why you fell in love with him in the first place, maybe visit 'old places' that you went to when you first met him etc? Just a suggestion, its probably more complex than that though.

shyNembarrased Fri 10-Jun-05 09:15:55

Morningpaper I do that but he gets upset and says things like why don't you want me? I tell him I do want him more than anything but I need to be ready. Its really difficult to explain to him because he just doesn't understand and I am a little shy of describing exactly what I would like him to do, I think I need to but I'm cringing/blushing just writing this and I've changed my name.

Think maybe the book would be a good idea but how do I give him the book without destroying any confidence he might have in this area?

acnebride Fri 10-Jun-05 09:25:17

This is so difficult shy, I completely sympathise. But reading the book might give you pointers as to what to say/how to say it.

It took me years and years to understand that I needed to be at a certain level of arousal to enjoy sex, so I think you're doing well to know your own needs...a lot of the time I still don't get it right, and it's annoying to be pounding away thinking this could be better! sorry TMI

I wish I had a solution and hope the book helps. It sounds like you are doing everything right and maybe one day he will have a breakthrough.

The only things I have ever found to say at the crucial moment sound like cheesy dialogue from a bad film, but that's sex for you - 'What's the hurry darling' 'Hold your horses big boy' Yuck! but it makes me laugh which helps.

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