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AAARRRGGGHHHH - My mother (again)

(7 Posts)
mosschops30 Thu 08-Oct-09 14:03:40

She makes me want to scream!!!!!!!

First she tells me that shes feeling unwell, when I asked her what was wrong she said she feels here but not here? Cue lots of OTT sighing throughout the conversation!
She wanted me to sort out her insurance because now Dad is gone, she hasnt done it before, and thought it would be better for me to do it online to save her a bit of money. So I get her a quote thats £80 cheaper than her renewal but she thinks she'll stay with that because 'well you never know whats going to happen or if its reliable' (sheilas wheels fgs) then she starts asking what about [insert name of heavily marketed tv advertised insurance companies]

Then I asked her again to come for Xmas, which she again declined because she doesnt want to have to go back to an empty hotel room at night!! hmm best stay at home on your own then because thats far better angry

then she said she hopes she doesnt have to wait long to see new baby

blah blah blah, I find it all so exhausting, why cant she just be normal

lassmichschlafen Thu 08-Oct-09 16:33:58

I can't offer you anything other than empathy, I'm afraid. My mother moans that I never ask her to help with DD, yet when I do ask for help, she is always too busy. She will, however, help with my niece whenever my sister snaps her fingers. Drives me insane.

Avendesora Thu 08-Oct-09 17:37:43

sounds normal mother behaviour to me!

nellynaemates Thu 08-Oct-09 20:46:45

She sounds depressed and lonely. Maybe cut her a bit of slack?? Could she not stay at your house if she came round at Christmas, I'd rather not stay in an empty hotel room at that time of year to be honest. At least her home has memories attached to it.

mosschops30 Fri 09-Oct-09 13:00:26

No she cannot despite the fact that new baby will be 6 weeks old and there will be 5 of us in a 3 bed house (6 if my mother stays) it will be unbearable.
She will stay in bed indefinately in the mornings because 'she doesnt get up early', she will watch daytime tv far too loudly without offering any help whatsoever.
Last time she stayed me and dh swore it was the last as she behaved so appalingly that everyone ended up being upset, including the dc's who had their boundaries completely confused ..... it was awful!
The hotel is 5 minutes from our house, and its not like we'd be tapping our watches at 5pm telling her to leave. I have even offered her my car whilst she stays so she can come and go as she pleases.

It might sound harsh nelly but I have been cutting her slack for years, only in the last year have I been able to say 'I am not putting up with this shit from you', i certainly wouldnt tolerate it from anyone else

diddl Fri 09-Oct-09 13:15:56

How long has she been on her own?

She´s sounding very sorry for herself.

TBH,since he´s been on his own, my Dad has become very selfish.

It´s his way or no way!

He won´t budge an inch to be accommodating!

mosschops30 Fri 09-Oct-09 13:22:29

My Dad only died in May, but the last few years of his life she spent wishing he was dead and basically carrying on without him (coming to stay here alone, holidays, days out) and I dont knock her for any of that because caring is harder than anyone can imagine.

She used to be like this when I was in my early 20's, i would dread her coming to stay. Then she went through a period where she was fairly normal for years, and now shes regressed to being this self-centred, selfish, demanding nightmare again and I dont have the time or inclination to deal with it!

She is feeling very sorry for herself, but thats only natural. Ive had days like it since my Dad died, but I have to keep going and not dwell on it because I have 2 dc's, one on the way, a full time job and a family and home to think about.
After 30 years of her feeling sorry for herself it gets a bit tiresome. I know its terrible to say but its almost as if she enjoys revelling in misery, and where there isnt any she would often create it (having endless medical tests for things she hasnt got).

Sorry am going totally off topic and just ranting now. The bottom line is she cannot stay here at Xmas or ever (until we move at least but even then Im not sure dh will be keen), its too difficult for us all as a family. I have offered her the best alternative but she doesnt want it so not much i can do

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