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Me again. More advice needed on my bonkers SIL and her freakishness.

(147 Posts)
RealityBites Tue 06-Oct-09 16:36:03

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RealityBites Tue 06-Oct-09 16:36:54

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itsmeolord Tue 06-Oct-09 16:38:45

What is your dp's brother doing?

RealityBites Tue 06-Oct-09 16:40:44

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bigchris Tue 06-Oct-09 16:42:00

yes what is bil's take on it?

NancyBotwin Tue 06-Oct-09 16:42:17

Have you or MIL spoken to the boys father about your concerns? Don't know what else you can do tbh, unless you invite him around on his own a lot and feed him while he is there... Have you suggested she see her HV or a dietician?

RealityBites Tue 06-Oct-09 16:43:41

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HappyWoman Tue 06-Oct-09 16:44:13

Difficult one - i have a friend like this and it is really frustrating - like you say everything is so negative 'wont eat that' cant do that, never sleeps/eats.

She may well be depressed but you having a go at her will not help really. Although i can understand how hard it is to not give advice.
Does she mix with other mothers at playgroups ect. maybe if she saw other children being 'normal' it may well help.

Dont worry too much about the diet - many toddlers get constipated it is more to do with getting enough fluid than the food they eat (although it is better to start off with a good balanced diet). Try to encourage him to drink lots.

6feetundertheGroundhogs Tue 06-Oct-09 16:45:49

Hmm, any chance you MIL can offer to give SIL an hour off here and there... have the boy round to hers???

Does SIL acknowledge she is depressed? Can MIL talk to her son about his wife. I know it's underhanded at the moment, but sounds like the situation is seriously impacting her DS, and that's where things need to change the sooner the better.

If MIL can take DGS off her hands - we're not taking no for an answer - you need a break love, there may be at least a way to get him regular. Poor lad's in pain for no medical reason, and that's got to be dealt with.

Can your BIL take SIL off for a mini break and leave DN with MIL???

bigchris Tue 06-Oct-09 16:47:09

when they come round to yours i would give him fruit and uf he eats it say 'ooh look sil he's eating grapes'
or just keep saying 'lets try him with this orangw, do you know it takes 15 times before they'll try it?' etc etc

mangosTrickyrice Tue 06-Oct-09 16:48:28

Has anyone broached the topic of her possible depression with her? If that's the root cause of everything else, maybe that's the place to start. Could mil talk to her about it?

cocolepew Tue 06-Oct-09 16:48:53

Do you think she is depressed? I've read your other posts on her, and I'm not sure. not that I know a lot about depression. She comes across as lazy and self centered, she is playing the victim as well. She sounds a bit like my MIL TBH.

NancyBotwin Tue 06-Oct-09 16:51:11

I do wonder if getting more fluids in is the trick? My ds's eat very little in the way of fruit & veg and are never constipated but they drink fruit juice every day - maybe you could bring some around, say it was on special offer or something and you bought too much. Raisins or other dried fruit are good too (you could even get him chocolate-coated). In fact chocolate can be a laxitive....

BlingLoving Tue 06-Oct-09 16:53:17

I've read one of your threads and thought she was barmy. What about an old fashioned intervention? Get her in a room - you, DH, MIL, BIL (if you can convince him) and anyone else who may be appropriate. Tell her that you don't want to hurt her but you are all agreed that she is, unwittingly, hurting her little boy. Suggest that for one week, she gives DN to the rest of the family to look after so that a) you can demonstrate to her that his problems with constipation can be fixed and b) to give her a rest (if you can manage it, can you send her to a spa for a weekend, or whatever would be appropriate?). If possible, encourage her to see a doctor. Tell her you are not giving her a choice but are intervening for her sake and the sake of your nephew who you all love.

It sounds to me like she has problems but you are all trying to be subtle and inoffensive because you love her and have sympathy and don't want to cause more problems. This is all legitimate. But it's going too far when the child's health is in danger.

HappyWoman Tue 06-Oct-09 16:55:02

How about 'pretending' you have just read some research along the lines of

'gosh - was reading the other day the most liked food of toddlers is (insert healthy food) - i wonder if dn would eat that?? Lets try.....

Wow - scientists have discovered that children given a whole range of food from an early age on average do better in school...... I bet dn will be a genius anyway but just to be safe shall we try some xyz?

Anyway you get the general idea

crokky Tue 06-Oct-09 16:58:54

You can't do much, but next time you see her, you could get innocent smoothies (individual cartons with straws) out and offer your DN some. They are very fruity, but they are a drink. My kids adore them and my DS is extremely fussy, although my DD will eat anything.

TrillianSlasher Tue 06-Oct-09 17:02:25

I like Bling's idea. It rally does sound like you need to do something, and if it all of you (you, DP, BIL, MIL, do you have contact with any of her family?) then she will have to accept that this is the people who love her and want to help her (and your nephew), not HVs who 'hate her'.

sayithowitis Tue 06-Oct-09 17:12:52

If the way she is feeding him is genuinely causing him problems, especially ones that are giving him pain, then actually what she is doing is abuse. Abuse is not limited to sexual or violent incidents. And goodness only knows what long term effects something like this can have on a young body.

this and this make interseting reading.

On the other hand, is it possible she is suffering from a psychological condition such as Munchausens Syndrome by Proxy? Might be worth getting BIL to have it investigated. Whilst one can understand he doesn't want her to have 'histrionics', he has to understand that his son's health must come before anything else!

DuelingFANGo Tue 06-Oct-09 17:18:18

I think you need to talk to your BIL (or get his mum to) sooner rather than later. It can't be that hard to get him on his own. Am surprised no one has done before now. If she is depressed than she needs help, I'd try to get it for her by talking to her husband.

RealityBites Tue 06-Oct-09 17:35:38

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mangosTrickyrice Tue 06-Oct-09 17:46:18

Has there been any suggestion of counselling to go with the ad's? CBT or other?

Jujubean77 Tue 06-Oct-09 17:57:12

"she used to give him daily calpol as a tiny baby (in case of teething)."

shock are you serious?

RealityBites Tue 06-Oct-09 17:58:21

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PoisonToadstool Tue 06-Oct-09 18:01:50

Reality you know I have always tried to be a devil's advocate on your threads but I have to concede at this point, she sounds bonkers. I don't think you have many options though. Can you contact the HV and see what she thinks? Or is that mad, I don't know.

RealityBites Tue 06-Oct-09 18:07:10

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