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How do you....

(8 Posts)
prettyfly1 Tue 06-Oct-09 16:06:09

.....seperate from family and can it be done without screaming rows. At the ripe old age of twenty seven, I am ready to accept that I will never have the waltons set up - more the osbournes on crack and to be honest I cant really be bothered with my siblings at all anymore.

I cant say its entirely their fault - I am very different to them both, they are both younger and I think in many ways its a case of personalities clashing - our families arent close and I just dont really like them blush which makes me feel a bit awful - surely sisters should get on. Ijust cant stand them to be honest and at seven months pregnant feel sufficiently selfish enough to not want to be bothered.

I dont want to talk to them or spend time with them any more at all and we arent close so it shouldnt be difficult but there are some big family events coming up. Most of these are when my baby is due in nov/dec so can I use this as a "get out of jail free card"? It probably sounds awful about your own family but I cant bear any more listening to them bitch and curry favour simultaneously - it makes my head hurt.

ElenorRigby Tue 06-Oct-09 16:12:04

I would say don't openly burn your bridges instead just distance yourself, leaving the door open just a little.
I had a poor relationship with many of my family before DD was born. I really didn't think they would want to bother with her.
Instead DD has been and amazing uniting force within my family, they absolutely adore her. Things with my family are better than they have ever been.
Like a said don't close the door completely as you never know what could happen.
Good Luck

prettyfly1 Tue 06-Oct-09 16:18:40

Hi ER - How you doing and thankyou!! We already have kids though - they were really mean about mine until recently (my son was hyperactive) so they tend to just use them as another reason to be competitive.

Would you accept if one of them didnt attend a family event citing "about to go into labour" as the reason? Just making sure its not me being unreasonable.

evaangel2 Tue 06-Oct-09 16:18:59

agree with Elenor, leave the door slightly open but just keep your distance
What does your partner think of this?The reason I ask this both sides of family are important esp when a LO is due
good luck with whatever your decision is and I admire your brutal honesty

prettyfly1 Tue 06-Oct-09 16:27:49

Hi Eva - thanks but there is no point lying about the situation. I am just a bit black sheepy and dont want the arguments anymore.

My partner thinks my siblings are absolute nightmares and has begged me to put some distance from them, particularly recently, due to the relentless demands for favours and two faced natiness and bitchiness which tend to really stress me out and leave me ranting and annoyed for days. I get on with one sister normally but the second the youngest gets involved it is just melodrama and screaming from minute one.

I tried to be understanding as she is in an abusive relationship and has been since she was sixteen (so about seven years) so I am not sure she knows any different but I am at the end of my hormonal tether in all honesty. It just political rubbish and manipulations and I hate it all. I moved away at nineteen to get away from them (well the youngest one mainly) and I really wish I hadnt moved back to the area (to build a "family" ironically enough).

I really wish it was different - like those families who get on really well - but it so isnt. I also have a company to run and children, house, baby on the way etc so just dont want to deal with it any more. That said I dont want to upset my very hard working mum and dad by not attending events etc.

HappyWoman Tue 06-Oct-09 16:30:38

i wouldnt even worry if it does sound as if you are being unreasonable - you dont want a relationship with them anyway so you have nothing to lose.

I would also say dont burn the bridges and there is no need to be outright nasty - just try to get to the point where actually whatever they do or say really does not matter to you.

Continue to do the xmas and birthday cards and then forget about what they think about you.

HappyWoman Tue 06-Oct-09 16:34:05

I too dont have the perfect family set up - and sometimes wish things could be different - but as hard as i try it never is going to be. I have pretty much cut contact with some relatives.

prettyfly1 Tue 06-Oct-09 16:35:26

Thanks Happy - that sounds like a sensible course of action. No doubt there will be some come back "she never wants to know us blah, blah,blah" - it cant be that easy - but perhaps if I just disengage totally and concentrate on the other things in life it will wash over my head a bit. I do feel for my mum in particular though as I know she wishes we all got on.

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