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I hate this relationship but not sure why or what to do about it .........

(3 Posts)
newpartyplanner Tue 06-Oct-09 10:19:55


Am really just looking for a bit of online support as am feeling so low today sad.

It will be a 'big' birthday tomorrow and feel that I am more unhappy than ever, I feel very very lonely and if I have to continue on like this maybe it would be better to end it all.

My Partner and I have been 'together' for 5 years,it has never been an easy relationship but over the last six months or so it is like doing daily battle so to speak. It is almost impossible for us to spend any time together without things desending into a massive row.

He has (I think) OCD which manifests itself as having to keep things very neat and tidy, he will clean and tidy to the exclclusion of other very important things. I do understand this is a 'problem' but as he will not seek professional help am I and our DS expected to just put up with it forever. Every day when i am here on my own I feel very anxious and am aware that if things are not tidy 'enough' when he gets home then he will get pissed off and be a bit unpleasant until he has tidied. yesterday i spent all day tidying, cleaning, cooking a nice meal, shopping, looking after ds, prepared his lunch but he came home early (15 mins) and the lounge was untidy. I coulod hear him muttering and ranting to himself saying 'Here I am ding it all by myself again'. I confronted him and he flatly denied it!! he went up to bed at 5.30 and hasnt spoken to me since, he says I am going mad.

Last week we had a massive row because he said I was creating an 'atmosphere' (I waas feeling really down about things) and he threatened to 'do something to me' if i didnt get out of the house immediately. I got a few things together and took Ds to stay at a friends for the night. When I returned the next day I found some of my prescription medication (which i need0 had compeltely diosappeared, i confronted him about it and he completely denied it was him and accused me of going mad AGAIN!! I said I knew I was not going mad and that I would look in the binds if I had to to find some evidence it was him, he then admitted it was him, he had gotten all the tablets out to 'kill himself' as he was so fed up with things, but decieded not to.

We have not had sex for two years, I feel really lonely.

Sorry this is a really small portrait of how things are, i could go on and on but whats the pount. Just want to sit herer and cry but dont want DS to see me sad.

GypsyMoth Tue 06-Oct-09 10:23:31

this relationship sounds destructive for both of you. not got any good points anymore has it?

i would discuss this with him....he sounds like he wantas out too. thats how it seems to me anyway

cestlavielife Tue 06-Oct-09 10:55:12

well i dont think discussing with him will get you anywhere unless with a third party present - so if you think there is anything to work on, ask him to go to relate with you.

if he wont, go yourself.

but frankly if he is threatening you such that you flee the house, you should speak to womens aid about this abuse. and from what you ahve said i dont hink going to relate together wil get you anywhere - joint counselling does not work when one person holds all the power and is the controlling one. and that is him not you.

you doing everything to avoid and outburst- been there done that with my ex, who also had those ocd traits. and the "i was going to kill myself2 stuff - what the heck was that? to make you feel guilty? (btdt with my ex too)

if he is really suicidal get him to GP...

get hold of "why does he do that" book by lundy bancroft.

ocd whatever - is no excuse.

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