Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

got to bring wedding date forward dp not happy long rant sorry

(38 Posts)
aaliyahsmum Thu 09-Jun-05 11:50:39

me and dp were due to get married on 29th oct but after a call from my mum saying my new bil and bro and sil wont be able to come, i have decided we need to bring it forward till when they can come, for some background i have moved to devon away from all my family, most of the guests cant come cos of the distance,dp wont get married anywhere else so my family dont have so far to come, and so his that live 10 mins away wont have to leave their horses for too long. i told him and he aint happy at all, i rang registry office and only time on day that is good for everyone is 9.30, so i called to ask if this was ok and he went off in one saying he has no say anyway, he dont know what the rush is, and it aint his prob if they cant come, he is waiting for his absolute which should be here by next week. i have been in tears at the thought of family not being there, i dont know what i need to do to get married as i thought i had loads of time, and now i feel i really dont wanna do it at all cos he is such a di**head over something so petty. he has been married b4 and this is my special day and i want it to be perfect.i have my dress, shoes, veil, tiara, and bridesmaids dresses, mum has almost done flowers so i dont see the problem.

misdee Thu 09-Jun-05 11:52:56

let him have some say!

Mothernature Thu 09-Jun-05 11:54:42

Dont change the day just because someone can't make it, someone will probably come up with another 'can't come that day' stop getting yourself into a tizzy and leave the date as set your dp is right...its theyre loss not yours get on with it and enjoy it when it comes, stop trying to please others, please yourself. xx

ninah Thu 09-Jun-05 11:55:43

a marriage is more than a wedding day

aaliyahsmum Thu 09-Jun-05 11:57:39

he has had his say he picked the venue he picked the reception, he knows not much of my family will be able to come but he hoped my close family would, bro and sil are moving to cypress at start oct as bro in forces and bil going back to iraq at start of oct.

debs26 Thu 09-Jun-05 11:58:53

my grandmothers family were not at her wedding and i dont think she has ever got over it (different reasons). he should get a say and if he doesnt want it putting forward could you maybe put it back? agree with all the other posters but if its that important to you then i wouldnt compromise the family thing

aaliyahsmum Thu 09-Jun-05 11:59:12

i dont care bout most of family as long as bros and sis and parents are there

debs26 Thu 09-Jun-05 12:00:18

sorry x posts, obviously cant put it back. i cant see why he has such a problem putting it forward tbh

Mothernature Thu 09-Jun-05 12:02:49

I wouldn't worry about bro/sil etc.. you have to expect that if they are in the forces, the world may end tommorow, don't worry about it just hope they send you a nice prezzie instead x Your picking a fight for no reason and thats not the way to start married life, do you love the idea of 'being married' to him or love the thought of 'getting married'?.

WigWamBam Thu 09-Jun-05 12:04:41

The problem is that you have made a decision about your wedding day without involving him - I'd be pretty peed off too. It's not petty; it's your marriage, and if you can't involve him in the decision about when it is, then I think he has a right not to be happy.

That said, I can understand you wanting your family to be there, but whether or not you change the date of your wedding has to be a joint decision. He's getting married as well; it's not your day, and surely he is more important to you than your dress, shoes, veil, tiara and flowers?

almostanangel Thu 09-Jun-05 12:07:22

[[[hugs]]] hun

aaliyahsmum Thu 09-Jun-05 12:08:04

at the end of the day it is only a piece of paper but it means alot to me that we are married. i would be lying if i said i wasnt excited about getting married but to me marriage is for life and it is a bond we make to each other that cant be broken. he knows how important family is to me and how we are very close unlike him with his family so i really cant see why there is a problem, i think he is just being awkward

aaliyahsmum Thu 09-Jun-05 12:09:17

he said it was ok and to call the registry office and book it, but i wasnt sure bout the time as it is early that is when he went off in one

Mothernature Thu 09-Jun-05 12:10:59

Sorry, but your sounding selfish, I dont think he's being awkward your just not thinking things out...

WigWamBam Thu 09-Jun-05 12:11:17

"at the end of the day it is only a piece of paper but it means alot to me that we are married. i would be lying if i said i wasnt excited about getting married but to me marriage is for life and it is a bond we make to each other that cant be broken"

Is that more important to you than who is at the ceremony? I think it is (just my opinion, of course), and to be honest, if that's truly how you feel, why does it matter who's at the wedding?

debs26 Thu 09-Jun-05 12:11:43

but if he knows how important it is then surely he should be bending over backwards to help? i can see why he wouldnt be happy about not being involved in the decision but as long as you didnt go ahead and change it without even mentioning it then as far as im concerned it should just have been an automatic 'yes dear, thats no problem'.

have to say i am not really one for big weddings and if i ever do it there will be no white dress, flowers or anything fancy but if something is that important to dp i just do it, no questions asked.

ninah Thu 09-Jun-05 12:12:47

wwb I can see why aaliyah would want her family there to witness her happiness

WigWamBam Thu 09-Jun-05 12:13:50

So can I, but in my opinion it's not worth wrecking the marriage for before they're even married.

debs26 Thu 09-Jun-05 12:15:26

to me this is more an issue of doing something to make your partner happy. 9.30 is inconvenient if you want to spend ages getting ready but its not going to kill him is it?

ninah Thu 09-Jun-05 12:16:31

Yes, agree with you there. The wedding day is the beginning of your marriage

munz Thu 09-Jun-05 12:17:10

it's sixes and sevens really, on both sides, personally I wouldn't get married if one of my immediate family couldn't make it, althou I wouldn't change dates if it was for an aunt of uncle for example, can u make DP feel more involved by doing something, for example my DH was in charge of the cars and rings, (that was his two jobs he picked) everyhting else he was happy to leave up to me as long as he saw the venues we had booked.

weddings bring out the worst in families, the important thing is u and DP are happy it's both of ur day's not the whole familys if that makes sence.

ninah Thu 09-Jun-05 12:17:23

I meant agree with wwb but pretty much with debs, too!

aaliyahsmum Thu 09-Jun-05 12:17:47

it isnt a big wenting prob 40 guests max. maybe i am being selfish, and maybe i am not thinking it through, but i have given up everything to be with him,and i never ask for anything,so to want to change a date to me is no big deal, we was getting married anyway and things would be very different if the shoe was on the other foot

misdee Thu 09-Jun-05 12:17:51

maytbe he has planned a honeymoon and now has to change those dates.

havbe you sent out ivites etc yet? when you say you are moving it forward, is it a few days.weeks.months?

SoupDragon Thu 09-Jun-05 12:18:30

I can understand completely why aaliyahsmum would want to bring the wedding forward so that her brother and sister could be there. I would have been very upset had dh behaved in a similar way when we were getting married.

IMO, he's had a lot his own way already to suit his family and should be ready to compromise so that your brother & sister (plus parners) can make it too. It's not like they've not got damn good reasons for not being able to make that date.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: