How to make DH accept his words are hurting me

[ringingthechanges]

without him chucking them back in my face and saying I am the problem and I'm nuts?

[ScaryFucker]

you could just dump him

then he can never tell you that you are nuts ever again

because you are probably not nuts

this is classic manipulative dickhead behaviour and is not acceptable in the slightest

can you give us any more details, what does he actually say to you ?

[ringingthechanges]

nag, boring, money waster, child, demanding

[ringingthechanges]

ungrateful, never happy, never satisfied

[clam]

Does he have any good points?
Mind you, they'd have to be bloody good to make up for that.

[GypsyMoth]

are there any truths in his words though?

[GypsyMoth]

why does he say these things? was expecting worse from your thread title

[ringingthechanges]

bought some cutlery in john lewis and dh asked was there anything else? I said we desperately needed some china and glassware (has been aware of this for years so nothing new), was told 'this is not the right place', you need to find one of those outlet places! Then accused me of being demading and like a child and wanting everything NOW

[SolidGhoulBrass]

Well he sounds like a shitbag. Has he always been like this? If not, what triggered it off? If there is a particular cause and he has other good points, maybe something can be done (ie if he is stressed/depressed get him to the GP).
What are his good points? Is he kind to the DC and involved with them? Does he pull his weight around the house (I would be surprised if he does). Is he a good shag?

From what you say about the verbal abuse, it does sound as though he is simply a misogynist who thinks that because he brings in the wages you are a pet or a domestic appliance and your feelings don't matter: is that the case?

[ringingthechanges]

ILoveTiffany - there would be much truth in his words had we only been married 5 minutes instead of 22 yrs!

[ScaryFucker]

have you asked him, if I am so bad why don't you fuck off and find someone that you do like ?

I would not tolerate being called names like that, do you call him names back ?

[ringingthechanges]

SolidGhoulBrass, you have it in one. Married 22yrs, super successful and rich for last 15yrs, me SAHM. I have 3 wine glasses in the house! Great with DC, no sex with me (he is not interested), no affection either. Generous when it suits him.

[ringingthechanges]

ScaryFucker, no I do not call him names back, if I did then I could harly complain. I have said if I am so bad then why don't you find someone else, he doesnt much respond to that other than turn the tables and say if I am so unhappy then why don't I do something about it. He is manipulative.

[Tryharder]

Do you think he's having an affair? The no sex thing sounds a bit and trying to turn the tables and goad you into leaving rather than him leaving and hence be the one at fault.

[GypsyMoth]

why drag him along shopping/ you will know what he's like after being married for so long. i'd just buy it online or something.

if he's so bad,and always has been,time to make a stand maybe?

[ringingthechanges]

Realitybites - yeah thats me AGAIN

[ringingthechanges]

I am making a stand ILoveTiffany, hence he is being so bloody rotten to me and giving me a hard time. I personally do not have the £ to go and buy the things we need without him.

[GypsyMoth]

he witholds money? doesn't make it accesible for you? not in any way

i think thats dv

[ringingthechanges]

How would I KNOW if he is having an affair? There are no apparent clues and he is always contactable and here when supposed to be. hAS SAID HE HAS THROWN HIMSELF INTO HIS BUSINESS AND DOESNT THINK ABOUT AND HAVE THE NEED FOR SEX - oops sorry for caps.

[mumblechum]

Don't you have any financial control at all? That would worry me a bit tbh.

If we need new house stuff there's no way I'd drag dh round John Lewis but I'd say in advance that I was going to buy some plates or whatever because he pays for stuff like that. I then buy it on my debit card, tell him how much he needs to transfer to my account and he does it.

It sounds like your situ is a bit more complicated than that.

Do you think the SAHM thing is giving him an excuse to treat you like a dependant child?

[ringingthechanges]

Sure I have money, its for groceries, petrol and clothing me and DC. Yes we could go without and I could buy the household things we need but I am reluctant to do that when DH is mega rich.

[ScaryFucker]

good on you for not calling him names back

he with-holds money ?

controls what you spend it on? Does he "control" anything else ?

[Callisto]

Ringingthechanges - he does sound like a prize tosser and name calling like this is unacceptable. Has he always been so nasty to you?

I think you need to get yourself a job so that you have some independance. Does he give you any money for food/housekeeping etc? I would also ask him if he speaks to anyone else in the same way? It may make him realise what a bully he is being (though I doubt it).

[ringingthechanges]

Its not about money, I just want to be treated fairly, respectfully and as though I actually matter. I do not think that is too much to ask.