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Incredibly shallow problem, but please help me.

(14 Posts)
shallowandashamedofit Sun 04-Oct-09 18:00:52

Hi, I started seeing a new guy just a few days ago, he is kind, considerate, funny, a good dad, nice face, everything is good except for one thing and its putting me off, he is quite overweight, god I sound a bitch, can I overcome this at all?

HappyWoman Sun 04-Oct-09 18:03:59

I would say you are 'looking' for a reason to not connect with him - it is not because you are shallow but something just hasnt clicked has it? And you are looking for that reason and the only one you can come up with is his weight.
I bet if you did 'click' you would not have noticed that.

Dont worry about it.

chocolatedays Sun 04-Oct-09 18:07:49

Maybe he comfort eats - and maybe your comfort will enable him to become an adonis. Only one way to find out!

colditz Sun 04-Oct-09 18:15:14

if you don't fancy him don't botther

ByTheSea Sun 04-Oct-09 18:17:28

I've dumped or avoided getting involved with blokes for less and TBH this would put me off too (even though I have a tendency to put on a few myself). Either you are attracted or you're not.

Campingqueen Sun 04-Oct-09 18:17:37

Are you physically attracted to him?

shallowandashamedofit Sun 04-Oct-09 18:21:51

A little, yes.

shallowandashamedofit Sun 04-Oct-09 18:32:59

I think actually, its more his body shape than his weight, he sort of starts big at the top and gets thinner as he goes down, so he looks sort of out of propotion, he is aslo very tall so it stands out more.

Campingqueen Sun 04-Oct-09 18:41:00

Well, I would say, as you aren't completely mad about him, you should make him a friend for now.

Campingqueen Sun 04-Oct-09 18:58:53

Physically IYSWIM

I really think that sexual attraction is a very important part at the start of a relationship, if it is lukewarm or absent, the relationship will have sex problems at some point.

rachyh85 Sun 04-Oct-09 19:17:36

oh crap. same position here, i was hoping something might 'develop'....?

shallowandashamedofit Tue 06-Oct-09 14:37:31

I seem to be getting in more and more of a muddle here, we hardly know each other, yet, he is so farward and serious about everything, he has said things like, he thinks I am the right person for me, he's the happiest man in the world, he cant stop thinking about me etc etc. He has even researched my ds disability and said, well, as we are together I need to learn as much as I can about ds. All this would be lovely a little further down the line, but we have spent just 4 hours in each others company, what the hell do I do, I am not a good talker at the best of times, and dont want to hurt his feelings.

wukter Tue 06-Oct-09 14:43:52

It's not just the attraction though...I wouldn't be comfortable with that level of intensity so soon. 2 good reasons to back away, IMHO.

freename Tue 06-Oct-09 14:57:34

Agree with the others and wukter.

If you fancied him you wouldn't be asking in the first place - also I feel a bit creeped out by so much expression so early on. It's like he's rushing you a bit, which is fine if you feel the same but you obviously don't.

When I started out on the path to eh hem grown up relations my good friend said to me 'you just know. If you can't even imagine sleeping with him then forget it'. This helped me alot grin.

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