I am perfectly nice and considerate to friends etc - it's just my nearest and dearest that cop it .
Dh is a lovely but hugely exasperating man with no emotional intelligence / subtlety etc and his does irritate me immeasurably sometimes..and I rant at him. Ranting isn't fair and I keep meaning not to and promising myself to approach him differently but keep failing and lapsing into rant mode. I grew up in a ranting household and it is tricky to 'unlearn' it
Sometime - mercifully not often - I do it to the children too .
I say some awful things when in rant mode (because I am bubbling over with rage)
It really does seem to be quite an entrenched response in me but I would dearly like to change it, so that when dh and the children have done something that really bothers me, I can address it calmly and constructively.....
So you are keeping tight control of yourself and your feelings around most people but when you are with the ones who you trust the most to still love you whatever you do, your feelings spill out.
Where did these feelings originate though? Probably not with your DH and DCs! If you can work out where the feelings are coming from you might be able to deal with them without having to vent them on your DH and DCs.
If only it was that simple Moondog. I've frequently decided to make real efforts to be more patient and accomodating, but 'forget' and lapse, repeatedly
The kind of people who can make a commitment to radically change their behaviour and then stick with it consistently (rather than keep failing at it) are few and far between ime. Well done to you if you fall into that bracket - I genuinely wish I did.
There might be some tried and tested strategies that I could use that have worked for others, hence my reason for posting
They're great and so simple. You bascially pair it with a thought and then set the vibration to go off on a variable interval, so when it does, you are reminded 'Be nice to those around me'.
I use it for things such as slumping, listening, making eye contact, nail biting, making positive comments, asking questions (not all for me I hasten to add!). It's fantastic.
If you do get one, please let mek now how you get on.It can't change your behaviour (only you can do that) but it is in essence, the little person sitting on your shoulder prodding you at regular intervals to do the thing you are trying to commit to doing.
I will get one Moondog. A little reminder, at regular intervals, of the commitment I have made sounds like it really could help. It could pull me up short mid rant I reckon...or stop me before I go off the rails....and once the new behaviour (i.e. being more considerate and patient) is there, it will eventually become second nature.