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i cant go on much longer...

(13 Posts)
leomum13 Sun 04-Oct-09 07:46:18

Hi, i'm sorry to be posting anon but i need some help because i dont know what to do.
I have been with my partner for just over 2 years and we had a little boy on xmas eve last year. he also has another child.

when we first got together he told me he waned to settle down and be a family man. we lived 45 mins apart so didnt get to send that much time together but i started to notice he was a very heavy drinker and soon found out he took cocaine too. I told him i wasnt happy about it and that i didnt want to be with someone who took drugs. so he told me he had stopped doing it. A couple of times things had become heated between us - once he pushed me over in the street and i sprained my ankle, another he left bruises around my neck and arms. but after each time he was sorry and cried and begged me to forgive him.
after about 6 months he asked me to move in with him and a couple of months later the time was right so gave up my job as i dont drive (and hated my boss anyway) and moved out of my rented cottage.
I fell pregnant almost immediately but there was no celebration, instead he became paranoid that the baby wasn't his and when i was about 4 months gone he attacked me again so i left.
i had nowhere to stay other than my mums so i was sleeping on the floor and because of that the council said i didnt qualify for emergency housing and as my mums house was 3 beds they wanted to come and inspect it to see if it was suitable for me to stay there. well none of this had anything to do with my mum so i dropped my application. i stayed for a month and during that time i had my first scan which he came to and he seemed like such a different person. he promised me he would get help and even showed me the referral letter from his gp.
I went back to him. I guess i was weak...i was scared, pregnant, alone, sleeping on a floor...i just wanted things to be better.
they were for a while but then it was my fault we had no money because i didnt have a job not that he wanted to buy any baby things, he wanted to money for the pub and god knows what else. I kept finding plastic bags with white powder residue but each time they wouldnt be his or he didnt know where they came from or that they were from before.
the day i went into labour he was as supportive as ever in the labour suite as my contractions were getting stronger he was texting his friend about how annoying i was being. i had to stay in overnight and instead of getting the house ready for me and our baby to come home he went out and got drunk until 2 in the morning and turned up at the hospital hungover and shouting about how long things were taking.
things have got progressively worse since then. I dont work, I have no friends or family here 4 times i have tried to leave but where would i go?
anyway we are supposed to be going on holiday on sunday for 2 weeks and i was dreading it but last night while i looked after his daughter as well as my son he went out and didnt come back til 5:30am. i told him we werent going on holiday and that i would be telling his daughters mum what he had been up to. he followed me upstairs and told me to get out his bed or he would throw me down the stairs.
so here i am...i want desperately to get away from tis man for good but i cant see any way out...

macdoodle Sun 04-Oct-09 07:55:56

Get out NOW before he hurts you! Ring WA and get to a refuge, they will help with everything!

skyward Sun 04-Oct-09 07:56:30

Oh you poor, poor thing. You need to get some advice ASAP - this man will not change and I'm sure things will get worse if you don't leave. I'm not an expert on this and I'm sure someone else will come along with some better advice in a minute but you should speak to the council, your GP etc to get advice about your options. Couldn't you go to your mum's for a bit? Please get out - for the sake of you and your son.

macdoodle Sun 04-Oct-09 07:56:53

Meglet Sun 04-Oct-09 07:58:08

Am halfway through breakfast and didn't want to ignore your post so keeping it short...

He sounds like a nasty piece of work and I think you are right in wanting to get away from him.

Call womens aid, you should be able to do this today.

Make an appointment with citizens advice in the week, they can help with lots of practicalities.

Have you told your family what he's like? I would hope they would offer some support.

allchanging Sun 04-Oct-09 08:08:46

Leomum, you must get out now before you get seriously hurt.

I understand what it feels like to be with a coke head, he needs immediate help but you need to leave. This behaviour will only escalate its the nature of the drug. I wont go into how bad my H was on a public forum, but he was like a different person on that shit and I'll never get over it.

I would advise that you pack yours and ds stuff when he's not there, go to yours mums and tell her everything. Then call WA. I've never used them but others on here swear by it.

Please keep posting, good luck xx

stoppinattwo Sun 04-Oct-09 08:09:46

Leomum where abouts do you live,do you have family close by you can go to now!!

Bellsa Sun 04-Oct-09 08:14:45

You poor thing. Just wanted to post so you know people are reading. You are right to want to get away. As others have said Women's Aid should be able to help, and hopefully accomodate you on an emergency basis, then they'll help you with legalities like applying for housing, divorce,etc. Take this one step at a time. If you can, and it's safe, try to take as much paperwork as you can with you. Things will be easier if you have passports (if you have one), birth certificate, child benefit details etc.
If you have a joint bank account its a good idea to take details of that too. If you need money on Monday then you can use that, but either way make sure that it is frozen, so that he can't access it without your signature. This is important, as any overdraft run up on that will be legally yours too, so you need to ensure he doesn't do that and lumber you with the debt.
Other than that, massive good luck to you and your son.

leomum13 Sun 04-Oct-09 12:08:41

hey everyone,

thanks so much for the advice. it helps to know there is someone out there.

no i dont have family close by they are all 45 mins away and like i said i dont drive. i have no money either so i cnt just pack my stuff and get a taxi.

got to go sons awake


Sakura Sun 04-Oct-09 12:15:58

leomum, when you`Re in the thick of abuse it doesn`t seem that bad because you become de-sensitized to it.
Your situation is really really bad.
Please take safe steps to get out.
Is there any particular reason you were sleeping on the floor at your mum`s while you were pregnant, even though she has 3 beds?

theDeadPirateRoberts Sun 04-Oct-09 12:22:30

leomum - call womens aid, call the police. This man has threatened to kill you. You can get to a refuge, the council has a responsibility to find you housing - they will have a domestic violence policy in place.

Ask for help - you can get away, you can build a life for yourself and your baby.

leomum13 Sun 04-Oct-09 12:40:42

hi again,

sakura - hi yes my mum has 3 bedrooms but not 3 beds i also have a younger brother who is nine so he obviously has his own room.

i cant call today he is here in bed hungover. like i said we are supposed to be going away in the morning. plus when i go i want to be near my family not near him and that means a different local council.

thanks again for the advice it is helping to make me stronger.


theDeadPirateRoberts Sun 04-Oct-09 13:34:07

can you take the baby out for a walk and call from a phone box? Wa can help you to a refuge, and then help you settle near family. Councils also take family into account when re housing. You can get free of this - and you can phone the police at any time if you feel threatened - tell them you're with your baby.

Where does he want to take you tomorrow? Do you think you'll be safe?

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