i don't know where to start really, i haven't posted on here before so forgive me if it all comes out wrong.
i am feeling annoyed, frustrated, angry but mostly upset. my DH has been out all day at a works activity thing, which is absolutely fine. now he's just rang to say that he's had a brilliant day and they're all going out for a meal and a few drinks and he wanted some more money put into his account, only another £30 but this after he's spent £60 for the works do and then got another £50 in his pocket already. it wouldn't normally bother me but we've got DS birthday party in a few weeks which needs paying for and are really tight for money at the moment. i am the only one who tries hard to keep to a budget and he doesn't worry about finances. he does a lot of overtime and thinks that will cover everything.
i just know he's going to turn up in the early hours of the morning, make a racket, wake us both up and then not be fit to do anything tomorrow. Its not as if he goes out all the time, maybe once a week, but he seems to think that when he does go out he needs to spend loads of money and get really drunk to make up for it! i am not a big drinker and its fine for him to do this but i suppose i am just mad that he's now switched his phone off (could be cos i put the phone down on him or could be a bad signal) but he's never actually switched his phone off before.
i am just really sensitive at the moment cos i had a laparoscopy last week and going through infertility issues and its like he doesn't think its a big deal. its like its just me going through it. i've struggled doing the washing, cooking and tidying today and keeping little one entertained. i just feel like crying cos i feel all on my own. if it wasn't for my son keeping me going i would just close the curtains and crawl under the covers.
i just wish i hadn't put the phone down cos he also said he was the only single man there, everyone else had their girlfriends with them. i also heard someone tell him he looked nice when he was on the phone (a woman). i don't for one minute think he would do anything but i am so jealous anyway and why would he now switch off his phone. maybe he is getting fed up of me. i try so hard and it feels like nothing is good enough. i am fed up of being the housewife, working mother (4 days a week), never going out, worrying about money. i have such a lot going through my head at the moment and its like he hasn't a care in the world. my lap wasn't able to treat the endo and i will need meds to get preg. he said he doesn't want another one. i feel so sad. there, i am pressing the button before i go too much more. thanks for reading this far. sorry. i've just read that back and i bet i sound like such a b*
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feeling really upset, but its my own fault
16 replies
QUIETONE · 03/10/2009 19:12
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