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Another one of those I've told DP I want to leave threads.

(47 Posts)
Flossam Wed 08-Jun-05 20:51:48

Thats it really. I am fed up of just about everything about him. His attitude towards me stinks. He acts as though he hates me and everything I do is set just to inconvinience him, even to the time I cook his dinner for him. His drinking is too much, he got drunk every night he was off work last rota, home, alone late at night, after I had gone to bed. I don't fancy him.

He does next to nothing with our 7 month old DS, even to bath him I have to argue that yes he does need one. He feels he works full time and shouldn't have to do anything at home. I feel that bathing our son should be a pleasure.

I have been on maternity leave and he has not given me a penny. I have no money and he just tells me to go back to work. I am waiting for my application process to go through and just have to wait. He has spent over £250 on 'boys toys' for himself. But can't afford to support me. Nor can he afford to buy our DS a safety gate which we need (he is crawling) as his friend is coming down for a p*ss up this weekend. He is out in the pub now, his first day off since Friday, he works 12 and a half hours days and nights, so when he is at work I just don't see him. Nor does DS.

I have been avoiding him. Going out when he is home, generally trying to live my own life. He dosen't seem to care. He was only supposed to be in the pub for one, always the story. I had prepared his favourite food for supper tonight, before I knew he was going to the pub. I told him it would be ready at nine. He says he will eat it cold.

My parents are divorced and I wanted nothing more than a complete family unit for DS. He deserves nothing less. But this isn't the man I met. He has no respect for me and dosen't think he has to change. My opinions and attempts at resolving things fall on deaf ears. What else can I do when my thoughts and feelings just aren't important to him?

I don't know what I will do or where I will go or how I will ever afford to do it. But I can't carry on living like this. Our last piece of furniture arrived yesterday, our new home is finally up together. But it seems neither of us want to be in it.

hunkermunker Wed 08-Jun-05 20:53:39

I'm really sorry, Flossam

Would he go to counselling?

Flossam Wed 08-Jun-05 20:56:10

I think that would just be something he laughed at. He always tells me it is me who causes all the problems. It took me a long time to realise this wasn't the case.

nutcracker Wed 08-Jun-05 20:57:02

Oh no Flossam sorry to hear about this.

I have to agree though that he is treating you and ds appaulingly and he should be ashamed of himself.

Not really sure I have any good advice I can offer, but whilst he is behaving like he is for one thing I would stop cooking for him. If he can't even be bothered to be there at meal times then he should do it himself.

Caligula Wed 08-Jun-05 20:58:40

Flossam, it's very tough when you're going through it, but the way you tell it, it sounds like you will be so much better off without him. He is simply not functioning as a partner, husband or father. And if he isn't one of those, what's the point of him in your life?

Libb Wed 08-Jun-05 20:59:46

Flossam, you didn't say you were feeling this upset. I am sorry if I sounded too breezy about it last night, I don't know what advice to offer you because you know my situation anyway, personally I am just reaching that "I think it is for the best afterall" stage but I will not advise to you to leave him until you are certain.

Do you have family and friends nearby that can help you get some space? he needs to pull his finger out big time, ex might not be good to me but he is all over DS when he gets home.

One thing I have realised that men suffer just as much from the birth of a baby as we do, it is such a wrench for all involved so it is little wonder we take out on those we care and love.

MSN me if you feel like it xxxxxxxxxxxx love to you toots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

sunchowder Wed 08-Jun-05 21:01:52

Sorry to hear this Flossom...I hope you can see your way through this. I have been divorced myself and it so difficult, but worth it in the end if you feel that your are not left with your self-esteem. For the sake of your little one, I am sure you have done everthing you can to make it work--go with your heart.

Flossam Wed 08-Jun-05 21:06:03

I wasn't yesterday really Libb. He was only around for a few hours today, but we have just been sniping at each other all afternoon. Its been bubbling under the surface and I have been getting more and more frustrated, but today I have had enough. My mum knows how I have been feeling and has said to me he should be careful or he'll end up without a career or a family. I take that as meaning she would understand if I left. I'm thinking about asking to stay there. I don't know. I hate her knowing I am so upset.

compo Wed 08-Jun-05 21:08:52

I think you should bite the bullet and ask her if you can stay

Libb Wed 08-Jun-05 21:11:24

me too, if your mum is that supportive then give yourself a break! (my parents are wonderful but they would not be the right people to run to right now so have never really had the opportunity to rest myself and give DP something to think about). If you have this opportunity then grab it!

Flossam Wed 08-Jun-05 21:11:30

But if I was to go I would need to go tomorrow. DP has said he would look after DS tomorrow night so I could go for a work colleagues leaving do. It would only be the second time I have been out since DS was born, and is equally needed IYSWIM. DS will only need a dream fed, I will settle him before he leaves. He does love DS deeply. He is just lazy and fails to see why he should do it.

gingernut Wed 08-Jun-05 21:13:10

Floss, I'm so sorry this is your thread . I don't have time to post much or read the other replies. Do you think it may be worth trying counselling before you make any decisions? I can quite understand why you're feeling the way you do and I'd be tempted to boot him out if I were you, but it's just something that might make him see sense and if you feel he isn't the man you met maybe it's worth trying to get that man back?

If not, I always say, it's better to be on your own than to be in a bad relationship. Sorry I know that's blunt.

g xxx

Flossam Wed 08-Jun-05 21:21:35

Thanks GN. I really don't know what to do right now. I'd love to run out of this flat right now with DS and jump on a train. But there aren't any! I don't think he believes he does anything wrong. I don't think many people can make him see the error of his ways. He is very stubborn, which is half the problem really.

Orinoco Wed 08-Jun-05 21:24:18

Message withdrawn

Flossam Wed 08-Jun-05 21:27:11

Thanks Orinico. Right now though I don't think I do love him. He didn't want this baby, he loves him now, of course. I suppose this kind of thing was inevitable. We have had a very hard year one way or another.

gaelsgirl Wed 08-Jun-05 21:32:49


I have no advice to give, otherwise i wouldn't be ina similar situation right now, but I hope you can come through this in a happier place.

Yorkiegirl Wed 08-Jun-05 21:35:35

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Orinoco Wed 08-Jun-05 21:35:50

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Flossam Wed 08-Jun-05 22:37:10

Well he has come home. Lambasted me for not keeping his dinner. Told me repeatedly I was totally stupid. A 'dumbass' who is unable to get up in the morning to go to work properly ( i did have time off while pregnant, usual pregnancy things, but managed to work full time for 12 and half hour shifts up till 35 weeks). I retaliated and told him why I never want sex anymore. He told me I would be single till I was at least 40, no-one will want me. I'm 24 now, so I think that shows how much he likes me. I'm now sleeping on the sofa bed. Have got DS with me. Wrong I know but I really need a cuddle tonight. I spent too long umming and ahhing about whether to ring mum, it's too late now.

Orinoco Wed 08-Jun-05 22:45:39

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rickman Wed 08-Jun-05 22:54:38

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moondog Wed 08-Jun-05 22:55:10

Flossa,he sounds like he is being really selfish..
Shocked at the money spent on drink and toys when you need the stairgate. It's frightening how powerless you can feel when you're home with children isn't it?

Maybe calling his bluff (ie going to your mum's for a week or two) might frighten him a bit?

bossykate Wed 08-Jun-05 22:58:52

flossam, i am so sorry to hear this news

i agree with caligula. from what you've said, he is bringing nothing to the party - why would you want to be with him?

good luck.

Flossam Wed 08-Jun-05 23:10:36

Thanks everyone. I will see how I feel in the morning. Ideally I want my family to stay together, like we all do. But not like it is now. I will try and judge his mood. If its not good then I will go. If he seems genuinely repentant then we will talk. See if he is beginning to realise the seriousness of it all. I am not going to be walked all over this time though. I am calm now, and as long as I stay that way things might be ok. He enjoys rilling (sp) me during arguments though it seems and everything always spirals out of control and points get lost...

gingernut Wed 08-Jun-05 23:19:19

Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight Floss. I say go to your Mum's, sounds like you need a break anyway and he needs to know you mean business.

Night night.

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